AITA for leaving the call when my brother announced that his gf is pregnant?

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In a quiet living room, the soft glow of a laptop screen illuminates a single dad’s face as he braces for another family video call. He’s accustomed to tense moments with his brother, whose knack for stirring trouble stretches back to their childhood. But nothing prepares him for the bombshell dropped mid-call: his brother, grinning smugly, announces that his girlfriend—the dad’s toxic ex who abandoned their son—is pregnant. The air grows heavy, his chest tightens, and betrayal crashes in.

This isn’t just a family squabble; it’s a raw, emotional gut-punch. The dad, devoted to shielding his young son from pain, faces an impossible choice: stay and risk unraveling or leave to protect his sanity. His decision sparks a family divide, with some calling him selfish and others defending his escape. The situation lays bare the struggle of navigating loyalty and self-preservation in a fractured family.

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‘AITA for leaving the call when my brother announced that his gf is pregnant?’

My brother and I do not get on. When we were younger he'd go out of his way to make my life a living hell. To my parent's credit they did tell him off for it when they caught him but they both worked long hours and didn't have the energy to deal with our arguments. This continued into adulthood.

He was salty that he failed his college course the first time around. There was a bad argument in our family a while ago and, I s**t you not, it all started because I refused the decorate my brothers living room. I wont go into too much detail but he wanted a pretty hefty discount, I said no and he threw a tantrum.

You really need to meet my brother to understand just how bad he is. But hopefully this post will do it some justice. Instead of being a grown up and talking to me, he decided to hook up with my toxic ex girlfriend and the mother of my child. Due to the rules here I can't go into a lot of detail about what she was like but she was not a nice person.

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She never really bonded with our son when he was born and I was left to do everything by myself. She eventually walked out on us and refused to have any contact with our son. She'll post on Facebook now and then about her beautiful baby boy to get sympathy votes but that's about it.

I have been a single dad for almost three years now and I absolutely adore my son but it hurts to think that one day he might question why his mum didn't want anything to do with him. How am I supposed to explain that to him?

Anyway, it bothered me when my brother told me they'd hooked up together. It hurt even more when he started dating her. It had taken me so long to get over what she did to me and my child and now my own brother was bringing her back into my life.

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Yesterday we had a family video call (parents are high risk and we're not taking any chances) when my brother decided to announce that he and my ex were expecting. I just froze, I didn't know what to do or think. I could feel myself starting to cry a little bit and it got a bit harder to breathe.

Eventually I decided to just congratulate them and then made up some lie about needing to put my son down for a nap and left. I received a bunch of messages from my brother and his gf telling me that I stole their thunder. After I left, my parents and some other family members started worrying if I was okay and not really focusing on their news.

My uncle told me that I should've just 'been a man' and stuck it out instead of making excuses to get out of it, after all it was expected that our kids would be raised around each other. I feel like maybe I shouldn't have left the call but at the same time it would've been worse if I'd stayed and had a full blown panic attack in front of everyone.

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Some of the family members are split and have argued that I won't be able to avoid my brother and his family forever but others believe I was in the right to leave that situation. I don't know what to think.

EDIT I just wanted to say thank you first of all for all the support. I fell asleep last night and woke up to so many kind and supportive comments. A lot of people have been asking how my parents feel about this. They aren't happy but they don't have the energy to deal with all the hassle my brother would cause.

They actually cut him off for a little wile when he started dating my ex but he phoned them constantly and, again can't go into much detail, but he said he'd do something not so good. They keep him at arms length but I have told them not to cut contact because of me.

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If they want to cut contact on their own accord then that's fine but I do not want to be the reason that they have to deal with his tantrums. The rest of the family, for the most part, weren't happy about it but accepted it (or pretended to) when they started getting a bit more serious.

My uncle who told me to be a man) thought it was funny, that's just the kind of person he is. I think as hard as it might be, I am going to cut off contact with my brother and ex. As a lot of people pointed out, not for my sake but for the sake of my son. I don't want to put him through all that.. Sorry I can't reply to all your comments but I've been trying to read them all. Thanks again Reddit.

Navigating family drama can feel like walking through a minefield, especially when old wounds are reopened. This single dad’s story highlights the clash between personal boundaries and family expectations. His brother’s choice to date his ex, who abandoned their child, isn’t just a personal slight—it’s a deep betrayal that reignites trauma. Leaving the call was a natural response to protect his mental health, yet some family members saw it as a slight against their celebration.

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The tension reflects a broader issue: how families handle loyalty and accountability. A 2023 study by the American Psychological Association shows 68% of adults report family conflicts as a significant stressor, often tied to unresolved betrayals (apa.org). The brother’s actions disregard the dad’s emotional reality, while pressure to “play nice” dismisses his pain.

Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, in a 2021 interview with Psychology Today, notes, “Healthy relationships require mutual respect, not blind loyalty” (psychologytoday.com). Gottman’s insight underscores the dad’s right to distance himself from a brother who prioritizes provocation over empathy. The brother’s history of antagonism suggests a pattern, not a one-off mistake.

Setting boundaries is crucial for the dad. Cutting contact, as he’s considering, protects his son from a toxic dynamic where his mother raises a half-sibling while ignoring him. Therapy could help process the trauma, and legal steps, like securing custody agreements, ensure stability. The situation invites reflection on balancing family ties with personal well-being.

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit weighed in with fiery support for the dad, serving up candid takes on this family mess. The community largely backs his decision to leave the call, condemning the brother’s betrayal and the ex’s neglect. Many urge cutting contact to protect the son, while others call out the family’s toxic dynamics.

These opinions highlight the outrage and empathy sparked by the dad’s story. These hot takes show Reddit rallying behind the dad, offering a glimpse into the collective sentiment on this messy saga.

DissociativeSilence − NTA. I think you handled the situation as well as you can. Also, really? Your ex is going to go and date your brother, and have a child with him, yet not take responsibility for her child with you? That's really messed up.

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conton30 − Nta. Your kid is gonna grow up with half siblings but think they're cousins. His aunt will actually be his mum who wants nothing to do with him. And they're trying to make you think you're the a**hole here? Nope. No way. No how. Níl. Non. No. You are totally in the right here and you need to protect your kid from that toxic mess of a family.

1lofanight − NTA- id have cut em both out completely. They’re lucky you’re showing up to calls at all honestly.. You and your kid deserve better.

[Reddit User] − This is a lot to unpack, but you're definitely NTA. He purposely seeked out your crazy ex gf, got her pregnant, and expected you to be okay with that news? Id cut all contact with them. NTA!

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archvanillin − NTA, even a little bit. You did the only reasonable thing you could do under the circumstances. And you 100% do not have to play along with whatever happy families nonsense they're up to. So your kids are going to be raised together and you can't avoid your brother forever?

Nuh-uh, you get a say in that, my friend. You very much can avoid your brother forever and, honestly, I'd recommend you do. This whole situation is a horrible toxic mess - you and your son deserve better.

Luna-Strange − NTA. Id cut them off. Brother sounds like a nuisance more than anything. Your son dosent need his deadbeat eggdonner

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bright_copperkettles − NTA. I hope you have a custody agreement in place and child support set up. If not you should do it before she has this child. You want yours on the books when/in case this relationship goes south too (and since it sounds like it is rooted in spite on bothe their parts, the relationship ending sounds pretty likely)

OneTwoWee000 − NTA. My uncle told me that I should've just 'been a man' and stuck it out instead of making excuses. Your family is toxic as hell.. Would uncle be ok with *his brother* had a child with the mother of his kids? Wtf is wrong with people.. Cut them all out.

RavenxAlmasy − NTA. You handled that quite well. I'm sure a lot of people (myself included) would not have handled that situation so well. I understand from your replies to others that you wish to keep the peace for your parents and while that is commendable I do wonder how healthy that is for both you and your son in the long run.

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I'd honestly consider going no contact with your brother and ex, especially if you have full custody and there are no court ordered visitations for your ex. I'd cut the rest of the family out as well if they can't understand how messed up it is for this to be happening.

If you stick it out with them to keep the peace your son will not be happy when he's older. He will know his aunt is his mom and she wanted nothing to do with him while raising his half sibling right in front of him, if she sticks around that is.

The amount of trauma that can cause your son is not worth keeping the peace for your parents. My heart goes out to you both and hope you can manage to find a way that will be good for you and your son.

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DrFishTaco − NTA - your brother and ex are obviously but also the family members who think you need to be supportive/involved and especially your uncle. The idea that a woman who abandoned her child with one brother and currently offers no support (emotional or financial) should be celebrated for getting pregnant with the other brother is baffling.

Within 2 years he’s going to be a single dad, blame you for it and expect your support. Cut them both out of your life completely or as much as you can legally

This single dad’s story is a stark reminder that family ties don’t always mean loyalty or love. Caught between his brother’s betrayal and family pressure, he chose self-preservation over pretense—a move that’s both human and heroic.

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As he weighs cutting contact to shield his son, the path forward is murky but necessary. Readers are invited to share their thoughts and experiences on navigating such raw family betrayals.

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