AITA for kicking my SIL out to MIL house after she never followed our rules and made us feel unwelcome in our home?

How much is too much when helping family turns your home into a source of constant stress? A young couple opened their small apartment to the husband’s sister, hoping to give her a fresh start away from their mother-in-law.

Clear rules were set for her stay, but months of broken promises, manipulative outbursts, and petty retaliation pushed the hosts to their limit. An update brought unexpected resolution after firm boundaries finally prompted change.

‘AITA for kicking my SIL out to MIL house after she never followed our rules and made us feel unwelcome in our home?’

The original situation details the agreement and escalating problems with the sister-in-law.

My husband(25M) and I(28F) live in an apartment with our 2 year old daughter. It's not super big just a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment.

My SIL(22F) let's call her Sally came to us saying that living with MIL has made her feel trapped especially since she doesn't have a car to get around.

After talking to my husband we had agreed to let her live with us rent free in exchange that she get a full time job and save up for a...

The 2 year old now sleeps in our room and uses the bathroom in our room. I had set up a job interview for Sally at my job and was...

I also had told Sally that you cannot be late to this job because everyone working has to wait for you to come in order for them to leave. Sally...

She would only pick up about 3 shifts a month. We told her she would still need to find another job so she could save for a car. It has...

Sally is also constantly late to her current job and does not pay rent, clean, or help with anything around the house. She mostly says in her room watch TV...

We had told her that since she is borrowing our vehicle that we will need to put her on the insurance but she refuses to pay the difference. We had...

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(We pay about 1700 with utilities) She said okay but then later cornered us saying we weren't fair for changing the agreement and anytime I spoke up she would just...

She said she was struggling with depression and needed someone to help her get up and brush her teeth and hair. To tell her wait to do everyday. We had...

If she needed professional help we would get her the help but she declined. About a month later I had told our other SIL(30F) (let's call her ginny) that it...

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That ginny shouldn't risk her hard earned promotion and it might not look good on her. Well Ginny had told Sally what I said about her being late and that...

Sally had come up to me and said she demanded an apologize because it was an attack on her character and had hurt her feelings. I told her that I...

Sally said that since I was her SIL that I did have to apologize. Sally then ran to her room and cried and said she hated herself and that she...

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I had messaged her telling her that if she needed professional help that I wouldn't mind taking her or my husband could if she was still mad at me. Sally...

She has now gone and hid our dogs food and water and is still mad and upset. I feel like I can't even leave our room in fear that it...

So would I be the ahole for having her go back to MIL house since she won't do anything to help herself? I would love any advice anyone has as...

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The update describes the confrontation and surprising turnaround.

Update: Thank you everyone for the advice. I apologize that I haven't been able to get back to all of you. This had more comments than I thought it would.

Last night I talked to my husband (25M) about trying to get Sally(SIL) evicted with a written notice and called my husband's mother to see about having Sally come back...

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We were waiting for MIL to call us back since she didn't answer our call. I had to leave for work so I told my husband that he needed to...

While I was at work I had received a text from my husband saying that he talked to Sally and she had told him that she had the dog food...

She had also said that I was a back stabbing b__ch and need to apologize to her. My husband told her that she has no right to talk about me...

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Sally then left to go and call her grandmother to get her to side with Sally. I think the grandmother convinced her that she was in the wrong. I then...

I told her we have given her all the freedom she wanted. All we had asked was that she got a full-time job that we couldn't do anything else to...

Sally texted me back and agreed and said that she was willing to go to the behavioral hospital and after she would go and live with her sister and find...

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Sally mentioned that she still loved us and wanted to come visit occasionally to try and fix our relationship. I messaged Sally back and said it was a good idea...

Sally is currently in the hospital and if I have more updates I will post them later. Thank you for joining me on the rollercoaster..

The main tension arose from mismatched expectations in an adult living arrangement, where generosity met entitlement and avoidance of responsibility. Broken agreements eroded trust, while emotional outbursts served as deflection.

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The couple offered substantial support at personal cost. Sally resisted accountability, using depression claims and threats to maintain status quo. Firm confrontation finally broke the cycle, leading to professional help.

Family therapist Dr. Harriet Lerner advises that “Clear boundaries with compassion prevent resentment; enabling prolongs dependence.” (From works on family dynamics) This matches—the couple’s consistency prompted Sally’s breakthrough.

Enforce consequences calmly when rules break. Document agreements upfront. Offer specific resources for mental health without becoming caretakers. Reclaim personal space promptly. Celebrate progress like hospital admission as positive steps toward independence.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The online community overwhelmingly supported removing the sister-in-law, citing unfair burden and manipulative behavior.

Most declared the couple not at fault and urged swift action.

TarzanKitty − NTA She was living like a child with mommy because she hasn’t learned how to be an adult yet. Your MIL’s loser failure to launch adult is not...

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LegitimateMove7645 − Yes YWBTAH if you don’t send her back home

Weary_Standard_4069 − Absolutely nta just because she is “depressed” does not mean that she gets to free load. If she’s depressed enough that she isn’t able to do anything with...

The fact that she’s hiding your dogs food and water is animal cruelty and would have me kicking her out so fast. You have three people living in one room...

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She has a room to herself and a car to borrow rent free and free food. Honestly you have given her so much leeway and she has done nothing but...

ChampionshipSad1586 − She needs to GTFO of your home asap. Give your daughter back her room.

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NYCStoryteller − NTA. Kicking her back out is the way to go. Back to your actual mommy, Sally. I'd also apologize to the boss at your job for recommending her,

and let them know that you feel extremely disappointed and let down by her, and if they want to let her go, you'd understand. You can't have someone in your...

uTop-Artichoke5020 − This is not your problem - your husband needs to ship her back to her parents ASAP. You've done all you can do. Don't be guilted and manipulated...

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DaniCapsFan − You agreed to let Sally live there if she adhered to several quite reasonable rules. She failed to adhere to any of them. She can go back to...

dead_steve − NTA. I have depression and would never use it as a crutch. if she truly has it, she needs help but she has to be willing to Accept...

She sounds like a manipulator, and an immature one at that. Hiding the dogs food and water? Seriously? I say ship her back.

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Others emphasized protecting the child and household peace.

SalaudChaud − NTA, depression or not, for as long as you allow her to stay under your roof, your SIL will be a heavy black cloud raining chaos and despair...

Your spouse needs to spine up and send her packing. Unrelated to the question, and not to be critical of you, please use paragraphs. This wall of text is difficult...

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BildoWarrior6 − NTA. There are two assholes in this. SIL and your husband. She never should have allowed to move there in the first place.

Baconpanthegathering − If someone mocked or bullied me in my own house- I *might* be in jail right now. Girl, what are you doing! ?!

Brilliant_Emu_189 − She’s being a princess. If she truly has issues (depression, etc. ), she needs to get help, which you’ve already offered to help with. If she chooses not...

Sea-Difficulty-5568 − I can’t believe you kicked your daughter out of her room to take on this giant burden…. 🤦‍♀️

Kitty_is_dancin − Not an a hole , she is an adult AND she Knows her responsibilities but she clearly is dodging them cuz she doesn't want to work or pay...

No-Broccoli-5932 − Sounds like you're being held hostage by an immature, spoiled child. Get her back to MIL. You have enough on your plate and your 2 y/o needs their...

Get the big boot ready, pack her a suitcase and send her on her way. If they flying monkeys start whining, tell them you'll be happy to send her their...

This family’s experience shows how generosity without boundaries can invite resentment and chaos. Setting firm expectations early protected their home and child while ultimately pushing the sister-in-law toward needed help.

The positive update reinforces that consequences, delivered consistently, can motivate change even in tough dynamics. Prioritizing household peace matters. Would you open your home to extended family under similar terms? When does tough love become necessary over continued support?

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