AITA for intentionally ruining my BF’s proposal?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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At a wedding reception, where champagne flows and vows glow, a woman spots her boyfriend’s nervous fidgets and a suspicious bulge in his pocket. Sensing a proposal brewing, she whisks him away, pleading for privacy over a public spectacle at her father’s big day. But when she learns her dad and stepmom greenlit the plan, her heart sinks—did she just fumble a moment she’d have cherished?

This isn’t just about a ring; it’s about timing, love, and wedding etiquette gone awry. Readers feel her pang of regret, mixed with relief at dodging an awkward spotlight. With family cheering in the background, this rom-com-worthy misstep pulls us into a debate about when grand gestures shine—or steal someone else’s thunder.

‘AITA for intentionally ruining my BF’s proposal?’

BF and I were at my father's wedding reception, and my entire family and dad's friends were there. BF been dropping hints all day about a surprise he had planned and he kept putting his hand in his trouser pocket, but when his hand was out of his pocket I saw something that could have very easily been a ring box.

Then at one point he took a deep breath, finished his drink, and started to stand up. I stood up with him, grabbed him by the elbow and dragged him into another room and said 'if you're about to do what I think you're about to do, then don't tell me, just don't do it here and now.'

He said it was meant to be a surprise and I said this wasn't the place to surprise me. He then showed me the ring and it's my (paternal) grandmother's engagement ring, which he couldn't have had without my dad giving it to him. He then told me that dad and my stepmum had already approved his plan of proposing tonight,

but I'd sort of put him off proposing tonight as it was no longer a surprise and I'd explicitly told him not to literally seconds ago. I had no idea they'd approved it or I would have just let him get on with it, and I'd have said yes.. I feel like I f**ked up here. Did I?. ​

Info for people asking: if given the choice between public and private proposal, I'd have asked for private, just because it would be more personal if it was just the 2 of us. Also, if he had his heart set on a public proposal I'd have gone with it, but I would have wanted it literally anywhere but my father's wedding reception.

A wedding’s joy can turn awkward when a proposal steals the spotlight, and OP’s quick thinking aimed to keep her father’s day sacred. Her boyfriend’s plan, blessed by her dad and stepmom, was sweet but misjudged—proposing at another’s wedding often feels like crashing a party. Her gut call for privacy was spot-on, though the miscommunication stings.

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Wedding etiquette frowns on such moves—60% of couples surveyed by The Knot in 2023 said proposals at weddings are inappropriate without clear consent (The Knot). OP’s preference for a private moment aligns with many who value intimacy over spectacle. Her boyfriend’s hints gave away the surprise, and her reaction wasn’t rejection but a plea for the right setting.

Relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman notes, “Love thrives on mutual understanding, not just grand gestures” (The 5 Love Languages). OP could reassure her boyfriend she’d say yes in a quieter moment, discussing their ideal proposal. A candid chat about timing and family involvement can prevent future fumbles. Readers, share how you’d navigate a mistimed romantic gesture.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s crowd jumped in with a rom-com vibe, cheering OP’s instincts while sympathizing with her boyfriend’s flop. Here’s the unfiltered take from the gang:

isthistoometa − NAH you didn't know, and it's typically bad form to propose at someone else's wedding

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Skelechicken − NAH. It's cool that he got approval, but it really is sort of a strange thing to propose at someone else's wedding reception. You were being very thoughtful for picking up on the signs and trying to discretely save the evening. I suspect this will all be put behind everyone as just a big comedy of errors. No harm no foul here.

Drowsiest_Approval − NAH. It's sweet what he was trying to do, but this is supposed to be a special memory for both of you, meaning both of you should be comfortable when it happens. Your family who was in on the plan, your boyfriend, these are all people who love you and presumably want to you be happy.

It just so happens that, in this instance, your bf missed the mark. Next time, knowing your preference, he can plan something that the two of you will remember fondly for the rest of your lives.

Actually_is_Jesus − NAH. He cleared it beforehand,but you didn't know that and acted without that knowledge. You're both good and one small conversation should clear it all up.

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Mythicotter − NTA. And yes, i mean that he _is_ the a**hole here. Bc if he _was_ going to propose and had even gotten approval, then 'got put off' bc you ruined the surprise (that he hinted at greatly) bc you didnt want him to possibly ruin your dads wedding then yeah hes being an a**hole.

Helpme1919 − NAH because at least he got approval but I don't think you were the a**hole for stopping him

[Reddit User] − NAH. people who propose or announce pregnancies or engagements at somebody's else's wedding occupy a special level of suck. so no, you definitely did not f**k up. and even if your dad and stepmum gave permission to bf to do this, it still does not mean he should do it. He shouldn't have asked them in the first place as it's such a big ask, and they may have assented because they felt like they had no choice. weddings are about the bride and groom, plain and simple.

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as for your bf, I kind of give him a pass in even trying this on as young guys tend of think of weddings as family reunions in fancy dress. he may simply not understand wedding etiquette or...simple courtesy. but he'll learn fast enough once you guys start planning your own!

khaleesi_sarahae − NAH

That is your father and stepmothers time to shine, you were trying not to make it about you two. You had no clue that your they had okayed the plan. Tell him you are sorry, why you stopped him and that you would’ve said yes.

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Waxxedupmind − NAH But I hat to break it to you, you are living in a RomCom.

SelfANew − NTA.. Wedding reception.. I would automatically say no if someone did that. It doesn't matter if you know or not.

These Redditors saw no villains, just a mix-up of hearts and plans. But do their NAH calls capture the full dance of love and etiquette? This proposal snafu has everyone buzzing about timing and tact.

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This wedding-day almost-proposal shows how love can trip over timing. OP’s move to stop her boyfriend wasn’t about saying no but saving the moment for them, not her dad’s spotlight. Reddit’s NAH verdict highlights good intentions all around, but communication could’ve saved the day. How would you handle a surprise proposal at a family event? Share your thoughts and experiences below.

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