AITA for insisting on going on the family vacation of my ex boyfriend?

You’ve shelled out thousands for your boyfriend’s family vacation, only to break up before the trip. That’s the tough spot a 34-year-old woman is in. She booked flights and accommodations for her ex’s family to attend a cousin’s wedding in Hawaii, but now she’s stuck with a huge bill and no repayment. When she asked for her money back, her ex’s mom went from polite to hostile, turning a simple request into a heated drama.

Things got messier when she suggested joining the trip she paid for, despite the family’s outrage. Is she stirring up trouble, or just claiming what’s hers? This tale of money, breakups, and family tension will leave you wondering where you’d stand. Let’s dive into her story and unpack what happened.

‘AITA for insisting on going on the family vacation of my ex boyfriend?’

it all started when she generously covered the costs for her ex-boyfriend’s family vacation:

My (34f) and ex boyfriend (25m) were together for a year and a half. Our breakup was amicable (I never assumed it would last given the age difference) I got...

Before our breakup, we were invited to a destination wedding of his cousin in Hawaii. I was asked to make the arrangements for flights and hotel.

I didn’t mind, so we made the arrangements together, selecting the place and flight times and I put it all on my credit card with the promise that they would...

(Over $2k each) I have a good job and could pay off the whole trip and I was happy to do it to save them interest on a credit card.....

after the breakup, an unexpected email from her ex’s mother sparked tension:

Recently I got an email from his mother asking for her flight and hotel information. I politely reminded her that they would need to pay back their portion (it has...

and asked if they would reimburse me for my portion of the hotel/Airbnb since we broke up and I wouldn’t be attending. At first her response was cool, but polite...

She wrote back again with a much different tone demanding the information for the hotel/Airbnb and I said I was causing undo stress while they were planning for this big...

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when she stood her ground on getting paid back, things got heated:

I replied that I would happily share that information once I was reimbursed. She said that I would not be reimbursed for my portion of the accommodation expenses and that...

I texted my ex and asked what was happening and why things had taken such a turn. He said I was being unreasonable and making everything about money which was...

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feeling dismissed, she floated a bold idea to salvage her investment:

I said that it didn’t feel very fair to me that I was basically paying for them to go on this trip and getting nothing. He assured me that they...

I said that just wouldn’t work for me since I had no guarantee and no idea how long that would be and that I would still be out thousands of...

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I offered instead to let them share one room at the Airbnb and one room at the hotel but that I would be staying in one room as well.

her proposal sparked outrage from her ex, escalating the conflict:

He was outraged and said I was making things weird, but my side is that I have the time off from work and paid for it so why shouldn’t I...

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I told him that I’m still within the range to cancel the reservations if that was a better fit which he also didn’t like since prices are much higher and...

This woman’s story is a messy mix of money and personal ties, especially tricky after a breakup. She fronted over $2,000 per person for her ex’s family to attend a wedding in Hawaii, expecting repayment. Now, with the relationship over, their refusal to pay promptly and their hostile response to her demands have left her in a tough spot. She’s right to want her money back—covering such a large sum without a clear repayment plan is a gamble, especially post-breakup.

The family’s side deserves a quick look. They might be tight on cash, and her insistence on immediate repayment could feel like pressure during a busy time. But their refusal to cover her share and their accusatory tone show a lack of respect. As psychologist Brad Klontz puts it, “Money often reflects trust and values in relationships” (Psychology Today, 2023). Their dismissal of her generosity suggests they’re taking her for granted.

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Her idea to join the trip she funded is understandable—she’s trying to get something out of her investment. But showing up to a family event after a breakup, even skipping the wedding, could stir up more drama than it’s worth. It’s a gutsy move, but it risks making things messier.

Advice: She should give the family a firm one-week deadline to repay her, or she’ll cancel the bookings to recover her money. If she wants to enjoy Hawaii, she could keep her flight and book separate accommodations to avoid awkward run-ins. Moving forward, she should steer clear of lending money without written agreements, especially in personal relationships, to avoid this kind of headache.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The social media crowd dove into the drama, with most cheering her on and others tossing in practical or funny takes. Here’s what they had to say:

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many users backed her, saying she deserves to enjoy the vacation she paid for:

Emergency_Ad_5935 - “NTA. It’s been several months and you haven’t been reimbursed for even a portion of the trip. IMO, since you’ve paid for everything it’s your vacation to enjoy....

Bananas4skail - “I love Hawaii! Gooooo! You'll prolly never see that money ever. Might as well enjoy yourself NTA.”

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Timely_Equipment5938 - “NTA I was prepared for some weird stuff on reading the title, but you are very level headed about this.

You're not going on the family vacation, you are just taking the vacation that you booked and paid for. Once you broke up, you don't owe them anything. If money...

some pushed her to set firm boundaries, even suggesting she cancel the bookings:

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Tokugawa - “NTA. But if you can cancel and get refunds on everything, then tell them they need to pay you X dollars by Y date or you're going to...

AdEmpty4390 - “Give them a hard deadline — pay X amount (cash, certified check, or Venmo — not a personal check that they can stop payment on). Pay in full...

If they don’t pay in full by that date, the reservations will be canceled, and it will be up to them to get new flights and lodging. And you will...

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Electronic_Fox_6383 - “NTA, but might I suggest cancelling their tickets and room and going alone? You'll never see your money again if you don't get it up front.”

Early_Swan_5077 - “No. But I would cancel everything, they have no intention of paying you. You didn’t get a promissory letter from them did you? Cancel and be through.”

others shared laughs or personal stories to lighten the mood:

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WhiteSauce2 - “How dare you expect us to pay when you know we can't afford it! And Don't make it weird by coming to the airbnb/hotel you booked for us....

He was a dude who laughed at the idea of romance so I knew it was a bit of a gag. We broke up shortly after. But, I made sure...

When we got there, and I sat between him and, to my surprise, about 5 of his buddies. Apparently I used a ticket and one of them couldn't go. Sweet,...

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HipposPoopFunny - “NTA. They didn’t like the age gap but had no issue using you for money. F them and I hope you enjoy Hawaii!”

a few pointed out the harsh reality of the family’s behavior:

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[Reddit User] - “NTA, but the only way you'll ever get your money back for their flights and accommodations is to cancel. They seem to think they're entitled to a...

londomollaribab5 - “If you go to Hawaii (and I think you should) make sure your home and car are secured. I could see them damaging your property.”

flickanelde - “They sound kind of dumb, since they can't even check in to the hotel without the cardholder present.”

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finally, some urged her to keep things simple to avoid more drama:

spaceyjaycey - “NTA- but stop playing games. Give them one last chance to reimburse you or cancel and get your money back. Don't try and go with them FFS!”

[Reddit User] - “If you hadn’t been dating their son, they would not have planned on going to a destination wedding that they could not afford. Cancel the accommodations, get...

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Dog-PonyShow - “NTA They have zero intention to reimburse. You have broken up with him and his family. Block and move on. Cancel everything (except your ticket) and go enjoy...

This woman’s story is a wild ride through the tricky world of money, breakups, and family expectations. She’s got every right to demand her money back or enjoy the vacation she paid for, but her ex’s family seems to think they’re entitled to her generosity, which has fueled the conflict.

While most social media users are in her corner, some caution that joining the family trip could lead to more trouble than it’s worth. What’s your take? Should she cancel the bookings to get her money back, or head to Hawaii for a well-deserved getaway? Drop your thoughts below!

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