AITA for holding a grudge against the friend who outed me as poly, even though he thought he was doing good?
A cozy movie date in a bustling city, popcorn in hand, and a secret lifestyle one Redditor preferred to keep quiet—until a friend spotted him with his girlfriend and spun a tale of betrayal, outing his polyamorous marriage to their social circle. The result? A grudge that still burns.
This Reddit AITA post dives into the messy clash of privacy, assumptions, and loyalty. Was the Redditor wrong to shun the friend who meant well, or was the friend’s crusade a step too far? Let’s unravel this tangled web.
‘AITA for holding a grudge against the friend who outed me as poly, even though he thought he was doing good?’
This polyamory pickle is a clash of good intentions and bad execution. The Redditor wanted discretion for his lifestyle, but Kevin’s detective work painted him as a villain, forcing a public reveal. Both have valid gripes—Kevin thought he was saving Lisa, while the Redditor feels betrayed by the smear campaign.
Polyamory, though growing, is often misunderstood. A 2023 YouGov poll found only 51% of Americans view polyamory as morally acceptable, which can fuel assumptions like Kevin’s. His approach—gossiping instead of asking Lisa—escalated the mess.
Dr. Elisabeth Sheff, a polyamory expert, says, “Misunderstandings about polyamory often stem from lack of communication. Openness, even if selective, can prevent drama.” The Redditor’s public dates invited scrutiny, but Kevin’s zeal was overkill. A private apology from Kevin and a boundary-setting chat could heal this.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
Reddit’s keyboard warriors brought the heat, with takes as varied as a polyamorous date night. Here’s the community’s spicy rundown:
![nyorifamiliarspirit − ESH Yes, Kevin shouldn't have gone so far with the whole wanting to 'take \[you\] down' thing when he thought you were cheating, but if you're going to have multiple relationships, you need to be prepared for people to see you out with your other partners and assume the worst.](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/209725c-07.png)
![[Reddit User] − ESH. when you find out someone is cheating, you tell the person they're cheating on, not the rest of the world, because honestly the person being cheated on probably doesn't want everyone to know what happened. however you can't really say he outed you, if you weren't 'out' then you should have been more secretive about your second relationship. he saw you in public, of course he thought you were cheating.](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/209725c-08.png)
![[Reddit User] − Kevin SEEMS to have had good intentions but his exicution is hella wrong, if you have a suspicion that your friends husband is cheating, you dont tell your friends, you dont tell the cops, you.tell.the.wife.. EDIT: NTA....](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/209725c-09.png)
These Reddit opinions swing from “Kevin’s a jerk” to “you set yourself up.” Are they untangling the drama or just adding knots?
This polyamory saga shows how fast assumptions can torch trust. The Redditor’s grudge is fueled by Kevin’s reckless campaign, but his own secrecy lit the spark. Kevin’s intentions weren’t malicious, yet his actions stung. Could a heart-to-heart clear the air, or is the rift too deep? What would you do—forgive the misguided friend or cut ties? Drop your thoughts in the comments!
