AITA for giving away an expensive KitchenAid standmixer my dad got me for my birthday that i thought looked extremely ugly?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In the cozy confines of a young woman’s apartment, a birthday gift meant to spark joy instead ignited a family rift. At 24, she received a $700 grey KitchenAid stand mixer from her dad, a thoughtful gesture that clashed with her aesthetic—she hated the color and found it too bulky. Giving it to a friend and replacing it with a sleek black mixer from her boyfriend seemed practical, until her dad noticed and the truth came out, leaving hurt feelings in its wake.

This story unfolds with the bitter taste of ingratitude and the sting of misunderstanding, pulling readers into a debate about the value of gifts and the weight of words. It’s a relatable drama that stirs up questions of gratitude and family sensitivity.

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‘AITA for giving away an expensive KitchenAid standmixer my dad got me for my birthday that i thought looked extremely ugly?’

Background for my 24th birthday, my dad got me a grey metal KitchenAid standmixer for my apartment. It was about $700 I think. However, I did NOT ask for this and honestly I freaking hate the color as it does not match anything in my place and it's also too big. I gave it to my friend who liked it and was moving to a different state.

My boyfriend then got me a cute black standmixer that fit into my apartment a lot better so that's what I have. My dad was over last night and he noticed that the grey standmixer was gone and replaced by the black one. He asked where it was and I told him the truth (namely, that I thought the grey was ugly so I gave it to my friend and my boyfriend got me the black one instead).

My dad was shocked and said the grey standmixer had cost a lot and that he thought I would have liked it so that's why he gave it to me as a present. Maybe here's where I'm the AH: I said if he would have been more observant, he would have known that I absolutely hate the color grey (it's my least favorite color) and everyone in my life who knows me knows that.

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I honestly wasn't trying to be rude, I was just stating a fact. But my mom called me today and told me I really hurt my dad and need to apologize for 'throwing away' a thoughtful birthday gift my dad had put a lot of money and thought into. I don't think that's necessary, I think after my dad gave me the standmixer, it became mine and I could do anything with it. And I didn't 'throw it away', I gave it to a friend.. So AITA?

Gift-giving often carries emotional weight, and this scenario highlights the disconnect between intent and reception. The woman’s decision to regift the $700 mixer was her right, but her delivery—calling out her dad’s lack of observation—turned a practical choice into a personal slight. Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, notes, “Gifts are symbols of affection; rejecting them without care can feel like rejecting the giver”. Her dad’s hurt stems from this symbolic rejection.

Her dislike of grey, while a running joke among friends, wasn’t something her dad was attuned to, revealing a communication gap. A 2022 survey found 70% of gift recipients value thought over utility, suggesting her focus on aesthetics overlooked his effort. Her comment about his observation skills, though factual to her, landed as a critique of his care.

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This incident reflects broader generational differences in gift expectations—younger adults often prioritize functionality, while older givers value longevity, as with the KitchenAid’s reputation for durability. Dr. Chapman advises, “Expressing gratitude, even for an unwanted gift, preserves relationships.” A simple thank-you paired with a request to exchange the mixer could have avoided this fallout.

To mend the rift, the woman should apologize sincerely, acknowledging her dad’s thoughtfulness while explaining her preference more gently. Offering to use the black mixer to bake for him could bridge the gap. This episode underscores the need for tact when navigating the delicate dance of gift-giving and receiving.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit community labeled the woman YTA, criticizing her ingratitude for regifting a $700 mixer over its color. Many felt she should have exchanged it or communicated her dislike earlier, rather than giving it away and later blaming her dad for not knowing her preferences. Her “observant” comment drew particular ire as unnecessarily harsh.

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The consensus highlighted her lack of empathy for her dad’s effort, with some calling her spoiled for dismissing a high-quality, thoughtful gift. Redditors urged an apology, framing her actions as a lesson in gratitude and communication. The response was a sharp reminder to value intent over aesthetics.

notmappedout − YTA if he would have been more observant, he would have known that I absolutely hate the color grey (it’s my least favorite color) and everyone in my life who knows me knows that.

this is one of those instances where it's time to come back down to earth. because at age 24, expecting people in your life to know your least favorite color is absolutely bizarre. and saying it's because he isn't observant is wildly mean.. did you even thank him for the *$700* gift?. 

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WhoUBeGhostin − YTA. That mixer comes in like fifteen different colors. I’m sure your dad would have exchanged it for a color you like, including black, if you had used your words. I bought my twenty year old two pieces of Le Creuset for her first apartment.

One piece she loved the color and the style, the other she liked the color but not the style. So you know what she did? She used her voice, told me she didn’t know how much she would use that piece and we got something different. Simple huh?

No misunderstanding, no hurt feelings. I’d be embarrassed if you were my kid. It’s not the fact that “it’s a gift and my choice”. This isn’t a Walmart gift card. YOU chose not to communicate and hurt your dads feelings. Bet he won’t make any thoughtful gestures again.

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IWouldLikeAVacation − YTA He got you a very thoughtful and expensive gift and you just gave it away because it doesn’t match your stuff. Okay. Could have maybe told him up front you wouldn’t use it so he could get his money back. I can understand if you didn’t want to hurt his feelings doing that so let’s just skip past that part.

Down the line when he asks about it you lash out at him and make him feel like he doesn’t know you or care enough to learn what you actually like and basically ANYONE else would have known that you would HATE that gift. After he got you such a generous gift? Really??? What a spoiled brat.

Blackrock_38 − YTA. Your father gave you a gift that for the last decades has been the gold standard of kitchen appliances. This is an extremely thoughtful gift and meant to last you your lifetime. He probably thought this was the mixer you would take with you to your marriage and use when baking for your children.

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You should have thanked him and explained that the color/size did not fit your taste, and to exchange it to something you would appreciate.. You sound really ungrateful to be honest.

pudge-thefish − YTA over color? Why didn't you just tell him you want to exchange it for a different color

mutualbuttsqueezin − YTA x100. If you didn't like it, you should have given it back so he could return it. You just threw away 700 bucks of his because you didn't like the color. You sound incredibly ungrateful and spoiled. I'd be ashamed if you were my kid.

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Intrepid_Potential60 − Jesus YTA. You threw away…. Sorry, regifted, somehow even worse….what sounds like the commercial grade, keep it for the rest of your life kitchen aid over the color? After you realize how stupid that was, then realize how petty that was. Then realize how insulting it was to your father.

EDIT to add: I have the exact model I suspect your father gave you. It was a gift for our wedding from my in laws. 26 years ago. And nothing else has stood the test of time, nor been so utterly useful as we learned to cook and bake and make pasta and……good lord you did a stupid, too young to know better thing.

Ghitit − YTA. the truth (namely, that I thought the grey was ugly You may not like the color, but you were ungrateful for the gift. You should have told him as soon as you received the gift that the color wasn't one you would be able to live with, and you should have exchanged it for a color you liked, or for a model that was smaller, if that was also an issue..

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You handled the situation rudely.. I honestly wasn't trying to be rude, I was just stating a fact.. Just because you were being factual, it doesn't mean you weren't being rude. I said if he would have been more observant, he would have known that I absolutely hate the color grey (it's my least favorite color) and everyone in my life who knows me knows that.

That hurt him. The world does not revolve around you. Even though some people in your life may know you don't like the color, not everyone is hanging off every peep that comes out of your mouth and storing your comments for future reference.. Somehow your dad missed the detail that you don't like grey.. Your mom is right. Apologize to your dad.

DrSaks − YTA Those mixers are really expensive. But that's not even the point. He gave you a gift that he hoped you'd like and you just gave it away without a thought? If you didn't like the colour why didn't you ask him to exchange it?

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LoveBeach8 − YTA. BIG TIME!. KitchenAid products are hella expensive but worth it. They literally last for 100 years or more!. You could have asked your dad to exchange it for a smaller one and a different color.. You are extremely cold, ungrateful and apathetic towards your own dad. I feel so bad for him.

This mixer mishap stirs up a recipe for reflection on gratitude. The woman’s choice to regift was hers, but her words turned a thoughtful gesture into a bitter pill for her dad. An apology could whip up some healing. Have you ever clashed over a gift’s intent versus its fit? Share your stories—let’s mix up this conversation!

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