AITA for Ghosting a Friend Who Crossed Lines with My Husband?

Imagine a quiet evening, a pregnant woman tucked in bed, dreaming of her soon-to-be-born baby, while her husband’s phone buzzes with messages that shatter the calm. A family friend, once trusted, seizes a moment of marital hiccups to confess her lingering feelings for the husband, crossing lines that sting like a betrayal wrapped in nostalgia. The woman, blindsided, chooses silence over confrontation, muting the friend’s desperate texts. Her home, meant to be a sanctuary, now hums with tension.

This isn’t just about a wayward message; it’s a tale of broken trust and the struggle to protect a marriage. The friend’s audacity, cloaked in victimhood, escalates as she rallies others to guilt the couple. The woman’s decision to stay quiet sparks a question: is silence strength, or does it invite more drama? Readers lean in, wondering how to guard love against old flames.

‘AITA for Ghosting a Friend Who Crossed Lines with My Husband?’

My husband (31) and I (26) have been together for 7 years now. We have our first baby on the way. We're thrilled. Now, we've had our issues, but have always worked them out. I'd say we're happy. Anyways, years ago, before we started dating, a family friend kissed him, he stopped it, and that was that.

I've never had an issue with this, since he never tried to hide it from me and it was before we were together. However, throughout the years, it's become painfully obvious that she's still very much infatuated with him (husband and I have noticed and shrugged it off since she's mostly been okay about concerning herself with her own life, although it has been pretty cringey sometimes).

Also, I started considering her my own friend - husband and I became close with her on again/ off again husband too. Now, over a month ago, my husband and I were having issues (we've fixed them), but I stupidly made the mistake of confiding in this family friend - she came to me a lot recently too, so I thought we were bonding.

I wish I hadn't told her anything, because I think it made her think she had an opening. Last weekend, she messaged my husband, after I had gone to bed. He told me about what was said the morning after. Basically, she said she wished she could be with him, and that she needed him etc etc.

She didn't want him to tell me, but I'm glad he did. I don't think it's right that she overstepped the way she did. It feels incredibly inappropriate. She's tried messaging me like everything was normal, but I've been ignoring them - I have no desire to talk to her, and I don't think I should have to.

My husband and I talked, and agree that there needs to be better boundaries from her, because he said he was uncomfortable with the way she spoke to him too. Throughout the week, she caught on that I didn't want to speak with her, so she's been blowing up my husband's phone.

He told her we needed space. And she gave us space - for one night. Tonight, she's been sending us both essays on how she's so sad that she's 'losing her brother because of (sad_bike's) mood'. At first I didn't say anything to her.

I said, 'leave it and us alone', and muted the conversation. She's had her ex husband message my husband, she's saying she's crying about having to explain to her mom and (my) husband's mom that they're losing a friendship over my bs.

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I admit, I despise her now. But we asked for space. I didn't think this woman who's almost 30 needed to be acting like she's 15. I feel like she's getting high on her own drama.. Should I have messaged her back? AITA

UPDATE: she's completely muted for both of us. We may not be able to completely avoid her in family functions one day, but this helps. Thank you, everyone. You've all given me a lot to think about in myself too.

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I appreciate all your comments and support. I'll try to reply to as many as I can. I think things are resolved enough for my husband and I that I'll finally be able to destress and fall asleep. We'll see though :p

A friend’s betrayal can feel like a rug pulled from under a marriage. Dr. Shirley Glass, a renowned psychologist, wrote, “Emotional affairs erode trust when boundaries are ignored” . The friend’s late-night messages to the husband, confessing her desire, crossed a clear line, exploiting the woman’s vulnerability shared in confidence. Her persistence, despite requests for space, reveals a lack of respect for the couple’s marriage.

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The woman’s choice to ignore the friend’s messages is understandable but risky. The friend’s escalation—texting both spouses and involving family—shows manipulative behavior. A 2022 study in Journal of Family Psychology found 65% of boundary violations in friendships stem from unaddressed feelings . The woman’s silence, while protective, allowed the friend to spin a victim narrative, painting her as the villain.

The husband’s transparency in sharing the messages was a trust-building move, aligning with Dr. Glass’s advice to prioritize marital loyalty. However, the couple’s vague call for “space” left room for misinterpretation. A firmer stance, like a joint message stating the friendship is over due to her actions, could halt her drama. The woman’s brief “leave us alone” was a start but lacked closure.

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To resolve this, the couple should block the friend and clearly communicate to mutual contacts that her inappropriate advance ended the friendship. This aligns with Glass’s emphasis on reinforcing boundaries to protect intimacy. By staying united and redirecting energy to their growing family, they can reclaim their peace. The woman’s silence was restraint, but a clear cut-off ensures the drama stops.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit jumped into the fray, tossing out opinions like confetti at a messy breakup party. Here’s the unfiltered take from the crowd:

welptheheck − Nta. Just openly tell her you and your husband speak about everything and het advances weren't welcome. Also send her texts to your mothers. You are in this trouble because you don't speak up for yourself

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and telling someone you knew wanted your husband about maritial troubles. You really need to learn when and with whom to be open.. Edit: thank you for the award kind stranger. Edit 2: i am leaving the typo het advances. It means her advances. I find it a bit hilarious

Nihilistic_wizard − NTA this so called friend made a play for your husband and its backfired on her, she's lucky you're only ignoring her instead of publicly shaming her for this treachery.

AnarchyAcid − You need to end this with her now. She has no place in your life, out, done, you and your husband need to lay down the law, and never allow contact with her again. If she has a friend or family member contact you on her behalf, explain she made a pass at your husband which left you both uncomfortable and it was beyond hurtful and disgusting to go after a married man,

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and you’d rather not hear about her again, and you’d hate to have her come between you and their relationship. Make a BIG deal of it, because it’s a BIG deal. Don’t allow anyone to come between you two unless one of you has announced the marriage is over.

hbdabbins − NTA about messaging her but you needed to have been much clearer about your message. You and your husband need to speak to this woman together and tell her he isnt interested in her and neither of you want to be her friend anymore because

of her complete lack of respect for both of your feelings and your marriage. If you dont make it absolutely clear to her that this is a joint decision, she will continue trying to play the victim and painting you as the villain in her love story with your husband.

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Vandalfan2012 − NTA - Being upset that a close friend made a play for your husband is not a 'mood.'

zoeworley − NTA. Obviously you are not the a**hole I’m surprised you guys said space. If I was in that situation I would not tolerate her behavior what so ever. She used you and tried to get with YOUR husband.

Lizm3 − NTA. She sounds exhausting. She knew she was doing something wrong by sending those messages to your husband but she did it anyway. I wouldn't want to talk to her again either.

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neoteucer − Not only are you NTA, honestly you've been more patient and forgiving with her than I would. Like her early indiscretion is forgivable, I'd be lying if I said I never got lonely and kissed someone I shouldn't have,

but to build enough trust that you confide in her about your relationship only for her to immediately try to use that to get at him is some serious audacity, and in your shoes that would have been the moment I went no contact with her - that's not an indiscretion, that's a betrayal.

Also I'm assuming from your post that your husband has always shut her down any time she's tried to approach him like that, which is super disrespectful of him and his consent. No means no, how would she feel if some dude she wasn't interested in romantically kept on pushing and pursuing her after she had made it clear he needed to move on?

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sqitten − NTA Although if this is affecting any third parties you or your husband care about, then he should clarify that she acted in a way that made him uncomfortable, and that is why the friendship is broken now.

0mnigod − NTA. The only thing I'm wondering about is the part where you and your husband agreed that you need space from her. Are you two really still considering having her as a friend after all this b**lshit? She betrayed you. If I was in your shoes I would've cut all contact with her.

These Redditors brought the heat, slamming the friend’s audacity and cheering the couple’s boundary-setting. Some urged a total cut-off, while others flagged the woman’s silence as too soft. But do these fiery takes solve the drama, or just add fuel to the gossip?

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This saga of crossed lines and muted phones reveals the sting of betrayal when trust is weaponized. The woman’s silence, while a shield, let the friend’s drama fester, but muting her was a step toward peace. By standing firm, the couple can protect their joy as they await their baby. Have you ever faced a friend overstepping into your relationship? What would you do to shut down the drama? Share your thoughts below—let’s unravel this tangled mess!

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