AITA for getting mad that dad started doing our special thing with his stepdaughter?

Under a blanket of twinkling stars, a teenage girl and her father once shared picnics and dreams, a ritual carved into her heart since childhood. For years, this star-watching tradition was their sacred bond, untouched by the world—until her father’s new stepdaughter joined the scene. When the 16-year-old discovered he’d been secretly sharing their special activity, her trust shattered, sparking a family feud that’s left everyone pointing fingers.

This isn’t just about a night sky; it’s a story of betrayal, blended families, and the fierce love for traditions that define us. The girl’s anger clashes with her stepfamily’s accusations, while her father scrambles to mend what’s broken. Readers will feel the sting of her hurt and the weight of loyalty tested, diving into a tale of growing up, standing firm, and navigating the messy edges of family.

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‘AITA for getting mad that dad started doing our special thing with his stepdaughter?’

Ever since my brother (18m) and I (16f) were little we each had a special thing to do with each parent. My brother and mom used to go ice skating together and mom and I went to baking classes together. Dad and my brother always hike in the same place together and go to the same diner afterward and mine and dad's thing was to star watch together and turn it into a picnic.

Those things were always something that was just for me and my brother and the parent we did them with. It wasn't family time. It was something we saved for doing with each other. I remember when I was 9 and my grandpa offered to take me star watching because dad was sick and my dad got so upset with grandpa (his dad) he was so jealous.

I'd never have said yes anyway but seeing dad get jealous made me happy because I realized he treasured it too. I told grandpa I didn't mind waiting for dad to feel better. After mom died the stuff we did with dad became more important. I was 10 and my brother was 12.

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Two years ago dad remarried and dad kept our special things special... for a while. But I found out recently that dad was doing the star watching with his stepdaughter (12). He was keeping it from me and when I found out I told him I wasn't doing it with him anymore and he ruined and spoiled our special thing and I'd go with grandpa in the future.

My dad got jealous about that and I screamed at him that he already took someone else so why can't I. I told him I thought he treasured it but no, that was just me. That he'd never hike the mountain he and my brother go to with anyone else and he was like of course not.

My dad ended up telling his stepdaughter they couldn't star watch anymore. She was really upset. My dad's wife was upset too and they argued and now she's angry with me because I'm still mad at my dad and I haven't given in and agreed that it's our special thing still.

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As dumb as it is, the fact dad wouldn't be okay with me doing it with someone else should prove why he spoiled it for me. Especially when he protects his and my brothers thing so much. My brother and dad's wife got into a fight because she was calling me selfish and spoiled and trying to put her daughter's hurt feelings onto me and my brother defended me.

Dad keeps telling me he doesn't want me to see our star watching as ruined and he told me he can make it up to me. I told him he can't and that he knew it was wrong because he lied to me months if not more than a year.

Right now I have my dad's wife blaming me and her son (15). They blame me for their daughter/sister being upset. I told them to blame dad but they said she wouldn't be hurt if I had accepted dad doing it with her too.. AITA?

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Sharing a cherished tradition with a stepchild without consent is like rewriting a family heirloom’s story. The teen’s fury is justified—her father’s secrecy about star-watching with his stepdaughter breached a sacred trust, especially after he fiercely guarded these rituals himself. His double standard, protecting his son’s hiking tradition but not hers, adds salt to the wound.

Dr. Patricia Papernow, a stepfamily expert, notes in Psychology Today , “Blended families thrive when traditions are respected; violating them without discussion breeds resentment.” The father’s choice to replicate the star-watching ritual, rather than creating a new one for his stepdaughter, ignored his daughter’s emotional stake. His secrecy suggests he knew it would hurt her, undermining her sense of priority.

A 2022 study in Family Relations  found that maintaining individual parent-child bonds in blended families reduces conflict and fosters trust. The father could have involved his daughter in the decision or chosen a unique activity for his stepdaughter. Dr. Papernow advises, “Acknowledge the hurt and rebuild trust through consistent, exclusive time.” The teen might consider star-watching with her grandfather temporarily while her father commits to restoring their bond.

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See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit crew dove in like constellations lighting up a dark sky, offering support with a sprinkle of shade for the father’s misstep. It’s like a family campfire where everyone’s got a story and a side-eye for the stepmom’s blame game. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

awesomearinbj − NTA. but I feel like your dad's wife is, she has to accept that your dad has his own children too. (imo)

Slightly_Squeued − Well isn't this all a bit of a s**t show. Just because dad lacked creativity doesn't make you TA. All he had do do was think up some other 'special' thing for him to do with stepdaughter.

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Thin-District8266 − NTA. This is on your dad. If your dad had done this the grown up way. He'd found something else to do with the step-daughter, and made sure that you and your brothers were ok with it.. Then this wouldn't even be an issue. Your dad made a mess, not you, you set boundaries.

kindaright-ish − Its not about him doing something 1:1 with his stepdaughter, its the *activity* they are doing. If dad wasn't OK with his own father taking you as a one off when he was ill, why it ok for him to do it repeatedly, in secret, with his new stepdaughter?

There's a million other things they could have done together and he chose that knowing how much it meant to you.. His wife doesn't care that your feelings are hurt, so why should you care that her daughters are?. NTA

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Usual-Canary-7764 − The terms of the time with your dad were defined long before new wife and step daughter got into the picture. Those terms were further clarified when your dad would not let your grand father do the same thing with you.

Then he shattered it by making sure it was a him and step daughter thing...which he hid from you for months. Keep going with your grand dad. May be your dad can recover but for him to do that...he needs to first stop his crazy wife and her entitled children from projecting their inadequacies on to you. If he does not do that...he has a very very long way to go.. Your feelings and reaction are both valid and adequate. NTA

Unhappy-Resolve-9703 − I don’t understand why your dad couldn’t find something else “special” to do with the stepdaughter. NTA

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Missing_Anna − NTA - your father clearly knew that sharing the star watching with your stepsister would upset you which is why he didn’t tell you. He easily could have created a special thing to do with his new stepdaughter that would not have interfered with your existing bond or could have asked you about including her.

He did none of those things. He is in the wrong and his failure to step up and take responsibility for this mess he created is a failure of his parenting responsibilities. You did nothing wrong and do not allow anyone to blame you. You might want to spend some time with your grandparents to escape the emotionally charged atmosphere of your home. I’m glad you have their support and your brother. Best of luck.

Ok_Childhood_9774 − NTA. I might be more generous to dad if he hadn't tried to hide the fact that he was taking his stepdaughter star gazing. That shows he knew *exactly* how big a deal it was to OP. Now he gets to live with the consequences.

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amazemewithideas − NTA. Your dad could have picked a different special thing to do with his stepdaughter. THAT'S where the problem lies. You didn't care if he created a special event with her. You care that he did YOUR special event with her. Especially after the fit he had about his father suggesting he step in when your dad was ill.

THAT'S the hill you die on. This is not about him having a special event with her. It's about him having YOUR special event with her.. Make that a clear distinction and even suggest something different they can do together. It sounds like it was easier for your dad to do what he's always done rather than think of something new.

No_Try6017 − NTA. I’m so sorry. This sucks. And that your dad can’t see what he’s doing and step mom is piling on. The double standard with you and his activity with your brother. Does dad have a pattern of treating you differently? Expecting you to sacrifice but not others?

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These Redditors rallied behind the teen, slamming her father’s betrayal and the stepfamily’s guilt-tripping. Some saw his secrecy as proof of guilt; others urged her to hold firm with her grandfather. But do their starry-eyed takes capture the full picture, or are they just fueling the drama?

This tale of stars and shattered trust reminds us that family traditions are more than activities—they’re the glue of our bonds. The teen’s stand against her father’s betrayal is a brave claim to her place in his heart. It’s a call to cherish what makes us feel special, even when family ties get tangled. Have you ever fought to protect a cherished tradition? What would you do in her place? Share your stories below.

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