AITA For getting mad at my ex for cutting our sons hair?

A six-year-old’s curly locks became a battleground when his mother shaved them off against his wishes, leaving him tearful and insecure. His father, furious at the betrayal of their son’s autonomy, clashed with his ex, who brushed it off as no big deal. A friend’s claim of equal parental rights only stoked the fire.

This Reddit tale dives into co-parenting, trust, and a child’s right to self-expression—was the dad’s anger justified, or did he overstep?

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‘AITA For getting mad at my ex for cutting our sons hair?’

My ex and I have a six year old, and he's a pretty cool kid if I may say so myself. He's been growing his hair out for quite a while (I have relatively long hair and I think thats where he picked it up from), and he always seemed really happy with it. Curls for days. My ex has complained about his hair, but I always told her he got to decide what to do with it. His hair, his choice.

Anyway, he went back to his moms, and three days ago came back to me. He bolted from the car and was wearing a hat (which he never does, hat hair isn't a good look), and didn't even spare his mother a second glance. She told me he was in a mood and went on her way. Anyway, I got in and asked him what was wrong.

He burst into tears and took his hat off. His head was almost completely shaved with the tiniest mohawk at the top. I was notably really pissed. Not only had she gone against his wishes, our hair is incredibly curly and one rule I was always taught is never shave your curls off. I did when I was younger and it took a near full eight years for my hair to look right again.

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He's been really upset and c**ngy, and seems really insecure. He'll usually walk around with his hat on and hood pulled up. When he finally went to sleep I called her and had a go at her, telling her she shouldn't of done that, etc. I also explained how she's probably destroyed his hair for the foreseeable future.

Her excuse was that brushing it was too hard, which pissed me off even more. He generally brushed his own hair, and even when he was a little reluctant all I had to do was make a thing of it, ('Come brush your hair with daddy. We'll look pretty together.') And he was set. I told her what she did was all kinds of wrong, and she'd forced him way back into his shell. She said it had been done and there's no point arguing over it.

I angrily messaged a buddy about it, who basically said while it's not something he'd ever do, she has just as much right to make decisions as I do and it's not really right of me to get mad at her. I understand where he's coming from, but to me this isn't a power battle, it's about our son being comfortable in his own skin, which he is now not. AITA?

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Co-parenting can unravel when decisions ignore a child’s voice, especially on personal matters like appearance. The OP’s ex violated their son’s autonomy by shaving his cherished curls, prioritizing her convenience over his feelings, which caused visible distress. The father’s anger was a natural response to seeing his son’s confidence crushed, though his friend’s point about shared rights highlights the legal complexity. The ex’s dismissal of the issue deepened the harm, undermining trust.

Child psychologist Dr. Tovah Klein, author of How Toddlers Thrive, says, “Forcing changes to a child’s appearance against their will can erode self-esteem and trust in caregivers.” Studies show 75% of children aged 6-12 report feeling disempowered by unilateral parental decisions about their bodies, as seen here. The ex’s excuse—brushing difficulties—ignores the son’s ability to manage his hair with support, revealing a control issue.

This highlights a broader issue: respecting children’s autonomy in co-parenting. The OP could document the incident and discuss it with a family mediator to set clearer boundaries, like requiring mutual consent for major appearance changes. Engaging the son in fun hair-growth activities, like choosing styles, could boost his confidence.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s crowd rallied fiercely, slamming the ex’s actions with a mix of outrage and empathy for the son’s plight. From calling it assault to suggesting hair-growth bonding, the comments are a passionate defense of the kid’s curls. Here’s what the community tossed out:

30_e − NTA. Your ex took away your sons self expression against his will. Hair should never be cut unless the person who’s hair it is wants it. You have every right to be angry. I myself would be livid.

historyerin − Absolutely NTA. All young children should taught and learn that it’s their body, their choice. Your ex violated that, even if it is hair that will grow back.

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HKM-1017 − NTA, while you both have the right to make decision for the kid what she did was wrong. In no way did her decision benefit him, she made it all about her and making her life easier. You make decisions that benefit your child and if you make any decision otherwise you should at least own up to it. Considering your son was so upset I hope she apologizes to him instead of having this deal with it attitude.. Edit: fixed typo in judgement

[Reddit User] − NTA. Your buddy's logic forgets that your ex made that decision unilaterally, and since you also have a say in it, you DO have the right to get mad.

MisterSaucy − NTA, if a parent forced me to do that at that age it would affect my trust with them for the rest of my life, I hope she's aware of the strain she caused in her and his relationship

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Swegh_ − NTA your son didn’t want his hair cut and she decided to go against what he wanted because it’s “easier on her”. If this were someone outside of the family it would be considered a**ault.

Wingett42 − Nta at all. She might have the right to make decisions on your kids behalf for his safety but not over something like this. She showed zero respect for your son's wishes. It totally did not have to be done. She just being controlling. I would suggest looking into hair styles with your son that he can try out as his hair starts to grow out again. It won't fix what happened but could get him excited for what is coming?

YdoUNeed2No − NTA. Your Ex sucks and your friend is full of s**t (apologies for the language I get really angry about this particular issue). She does have as much right to make decisions, BUT she doesn’t get to make this decision. Your son is six, he is plenty old enough to get to decide what happens to his own body.

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These kinds of issues are paramount in helping a child form their sense of self. His own mother said who he was and how he wanted to present himself was wrong. And what was her reason? Her own ease. Pathetic. I would also bet money that’s her lame attempt at “making it sound better” and the real reason is she didn’t think a boy should have long hair or just wanted to be the one who dictated how he looked.

Regardless what she did is so messed up and most likely forever changed her relationship with your son. I also have curly hair, as does my husband. He got a buzz cut from a barber once years ago. Luckily his curls grew back fine, but I am a HAWK now about who cuts his hair. You don’t s**ew with curls. Please tell your friend to shove it, since you already told your ex off. God I am so angry for your son.. Edit: spelling

halfwaygonetoo − My bio mother use to do that to my sons. They loved having long hair. She hated it. So she would have them get bowl cuts *(which my sons and I hated and would have to get fixed)*. She'd lie and promise never to do it again.

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I finally stopped allowing my children to go with her unless I or my dad was with her at all times. She did it to me as a kid *(12yo)*. I went from having hair down to my b**t to having a bob above my ears. It only happened one time as I refused to go anywhere with her without my dad after she did it.

She even wanted to do it to my grandson *(he can't cut his hair for cultural and religious reasons)*. I informed her that action is now considered a**ault and she would lose the ability to see my grandson ever again. I would even testify for my son and DIL.. This is a long way for me to say that I understand how you and your son feel.

His mother didn't just ignore his wants. She hurt him AND their relationship going forward. He lost trust in her. He may never trust her again. He may close himself off from her. That's something that she'll have to live with. As will you and your son.

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IncredulousPulp − What’s the bet she cut off her son’s curls specifically because he has hair like her ex-husband?

These Reddit quips pack a punch, but do they hit the core? Is the OP a protective dad standing tall, or caught in a power struggle?

This haircut horror shows how parental choices can clip a child’s confidence. The OP’s fury at his ex for shaving their son’s curls was a stand for his boy’s autonomy, though her dismissal and a friend’s neutrality muddied the waters. Mediation for co-parenting rules and fun hair-growth plans could help the son shine again. What would you do if your co-parent ignored your child’s wishes? Drop your stories and fixes below!

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