AITA for freaking out when told I’ve “sheltered” my son?

In a sun-drenched town, a mother’s world revolves around shielding her 15-year-old son, whose severe sun allergy keeps him indoors. Their cozy home, filled with board games and old movies, is his safe haven, but it’s a far cry from the bustling lives of typical teens.

When her long-absent ex-husband reentered their lives, his blunt critique of their son’s quiet, isolated existence hit like a sudden storm. Her fierce defense revealed a mother’s love clashing with doubts about her choices, setting the stage for a heartfelt story of protection and parenting.

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‘AITA for freaking out when told I’ve “sheltered” my son?’

My son (15) has a severe allergy to the sun. We live in a very hot and sunny place. I don't have the money to move, before anybody suggests. His allergy makes it hard for him to do regular kid things. He's had to be home-schooled and, as a result, does not have many friends.

His young cousins will visit and spend time with him, and so will his grandparents, but obviously his relationships with them are very different from if he had other 15 year-old-friends. He used to spend time with some of the kids on the street, but as they got older, they stopped wanting to visit.

My son, expectedly, doesn't really act like a typical 15 year-old boy. He's very quiet and sensitive and is pretty behind on movies, games, t.v. shows, etc. We have a house computer, but he doesn't spend a lot of time on it because 1) he shares with me,

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and 2) he has limited screen time because it's very easy, as a kid in his circumstances, to spend all day online and not do anything else. We do spend a lot of time watching movies and playing board games together, and he is of course allowed to read and game, even if the tech is a bit out-of-date.

Anyway, he actually loves his life! That's why I'm not asking if there's anything wrong with the way I've raised him. His dad couldn't handle being a father, especially not under our son's circumstances. I don't hold that against him. We've kept in contact over the years, although he made a point not to want to see our son and confuse him.

My ex asked if we could try catching up recently (with son), and so we've been Skyping as often as we can. Today he called privately and said our son acts a bit strange and socially awkward for a teenage boy, and questioned if I sheltered him too much.

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I guess I'm a bit more sensitive about this than I thought I was, because I said he's perfectly normal, and he said there's nothing wrong with it, he just acts a bit weird. I said that he hasn't been in his shoes and he can't judge him for his behaviour. He said he wasn't judging him, he was more concerned about my parenting.

I said he should be concerned about his own and hung up. Now I'm afraid I'm becoming a dictator, freaking out on people when they criticize my parenting. I always hated people who can't take criticism or realize their faults.

I'm afraid I'm becoming a bad person and a bad mother. I really care about what my ex thinks and I was happy to start having a relationship again, and not it's like I've ruined it. AITA?.

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The mother’s protective approach, shaped by her son’s sun allergy, reflects a deep commitment to his safety, but her ex’s critique highlights a potential oversight: limited socialization. Her defensive reaction suggests sensitivity to judgment, possibly amplified by years of navigating a challenging condition alone. While her son seems content, his social awkwardness raises valid concerns about his readiness for broader interactions.

This scenario mirrors broader challenges of parenting children with medical constraints. A 2020 study by the American Academy of Pediatrics notes that socially isolated children face higher risks of anxiety and depression, emphasizing the need for alternative socialization. The mother’s strict screen-time limits, while well-intentioned, may inadvertently restrict her son’s access to peer connections, critical for his development.

Dr. David Anderson, a child psychologist, states, “Social skills are built through practice, even virtually, for kids with physical limitations”. The mother’s focus on in-person safety may overlook online communities where her son could thrive. Her ex’s absence disqualifies him from harsh judgment, but his concern about socialization carries weight, urging a balance between protection and independence.

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To move forward, the mother could explore evening activities, like indoor clubs or online gaming groups, to foster peer connections. Therapy or social skills workshops could also ease her son’s transition to broader interactions. This story highlights the delicate line between safeguarding and enabling, encouraging parents to adapt creatively to unique challenges while staying open to constructive feedback.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s community offered a mix of empathy and tough love, recognizing the mother’s efforts under tough circumstances. Many felt her protectiveness, while rooted in love, might be limiting her son’s growth, especially in socialization, with some urging more online engagement to connect him with peers.

Others criticized the ex-husband’s tactless critique, given his absence, but agreed that the son’s isolation needs addressing. Suggestions like evening jobs or virtual communities reflected a shared view that creative solutions could enrich his life. These perspectives underscore the balance between safety and social development.

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[Reddit User] − NAH. You raised him as best you could. That said, I was the kid trapped in the house. I don't have that allergy, but I did spend a lot of time bedridden/in hospitals. My social skills are s**t. I get anxiety when talking to offline human beings, because I never properly learned how to talk to human beings.

With Zoom and all the other resources, you can expand his world. He doesn't have to be the kid in the bubble, like I was. You should be expanding his world. And stop being afraid of screen time. Sometimes, computers are literally the only way I can interact with people outside my home. They are my community.

flotsamjellyjay − ESH I think, except your son. You're in a very unique situation. But you have to socialize this kid. Therapy, too. Evening time activities. Small part-time job. There's a grocery store chain in my area that hires kids at 14

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and they work 10 hours a week or so and employers can make accomodations. D&D groups, gymnastics (in a gym), something. Yes, his sun allergy severely limits what he can do but your kid NEEDS to socialize somehow.

Sfb208 − Yta. In a way, your ex is slightly right in some of the aspects he accused you of. I don't think your a bad mum, I think you are trying your best, but I also think you can't apply the same standards and norms to your son. I say this specifically in terms of your approach to screen time.

Your son is by necessity, cut off from the world, and his social skills are as a result suffering. You have this amazing tool available to you and him that can expand his horizon, allow him to connect with others his age, and prevent him from being isolated.

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By applying the standards other parents apply for their kids (restricting screen time) to your son, you have further crippled him. Other kids get contact with their peers in their day to day life. Being addicted to screen time is therefore detrimental to them.

Your son doesn't get that opportunity, and it is therefore important and necessary to find alternative ways of getting those essential experiences. The internet would help him connect with his peers, and help build those skills he so sorely lacks.

redditor191389 − ESH. It’s rude of your ex to just waltz back into his life and critique the way you raised him. He lost the right to make parenting decisions when he left. However, there’s no reason he can’t have friends even just online friends.

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Especially now with everyone doing all socialising from the comfort of their own home it’s a perfect time to increase his socialisation a bit. I know your case is quite unique, but school serves to learn how to interact with your peers as well as an academic education

and you need to replicate that as best as you can, through online socialising, evening events, perhaps a night shift at a fast food place if he’s old enough where you are. I’m just not sure that spending a bit too much time talking to friends online would be the worst thing in his situation.

Alwaysmoredogs − You have the money to stay home and home school your kid but not to move to a place where he can have a life? Your kid was born with this issue, so you’ve had 15 years to figure this out and you still “can’t afford to move” when this would be a one off expense?

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You limit your kid’s interaction with others online if he can’t see them in person. Seems like you wanted to raise your son as a strange reclusive mummy’s boy and saw his condition as an excuse/reason to smother him and deny him independence and a normal life.

[Reddit User] − Yta. Your son needs a social life and connections beyond his mother.

incopmetent − YTA. I have a close friend who is allergic to the sun and he isn't sheltered at all. He has a great social life, went to school and uni, is part of social clubs, has had lots of different part-time jobs and is very well-adjusted. He even comes on camping trips with us every summer (wears gloves and long-sleeves).

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I think you're being overprotective and crippling him on top of his condition. There's no reason he can't have a job in an indoor or evening place (mall, fast food, factory). High school is also perfectly fine, classes by that age are indoors and he can just sit not-near-a-window.

He's already 15, he absolutely needs to develop some social skills while he still can. It will be very hard for him to learn these skills once he reaches adulthood. I know you think he's perfect just the way he is

and it doesn't matter if he doesn't listen to modern music or watch current movies, but these issues run so much deeper than that stuff. A life without friends your own age or positive social interactions can lead to really bad mental health issues.

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Saucym3atballs − Info: did you ever organise or look into social things that take place at night? I had plenty of after school things as a kid that meant I could play with kids outside of school and usually when it was dark. These happened at local libraries and community centres and a few other places.

It does sound sound like you have wrapped him in just a bit too much bubble wrap, with the internet there are so many places online for people to socialise. It's seems that it's not only your son who is sensitive

you freaking out about one small argument and seemingly spiralling about potentially ruining a relationship because of that one argument? Not exactly a normal reaction, do you have friends and a social life outside of your son?

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rockpapersinner − ESH/NAH except for the son. I was going to say y.t.a because I have friends with the same allergy who were able to be present in a conventional school environment, but I don't know the extent or severity of his allergy, so I don't want to pass judgement on that choice. We also don't know all the details about his situation in general.

Still, the dad has no right to critique your parenting when he's done little to none of his own, and you might need to own up to the reality that you seem to be sheltering him in other ways. Home-schooled children need a ton of extra socialization-- youth groups, jobs, clubs, long visits to public libraries, etc.

If his allergy is so severe that he can't do those things, then you shouldn't be limiting his screen time as much and he needs to find healthy communities online to engage with. It seems like you are self aware and doing your best

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but children who are home-schooled are at risk of developing social anxiety and other quirks even if they don't have an allergy/covid quarantine keeping them isolated, so the responsibility is yours to make sure he gets as much interaction as possible.

Flipnsip − YTA. You are not showing that you are doing everything in your power to employ the entire world in helping him see the world. Suits? Night school? Evening activities? Screen time to explore the world? Helping him grow into a grown up? Sounds like an old married couple. And some day he will be your caretaker, at night, and never leave? That cannot be your goal.

This poignant tale reveals the tightrope of parenting a child with unique needs. The mother’s fierce love anchors her choices, but her ex’s words stir valid questions about her son’s social world. Their story calls for creative solutions, like virtual connections, to blend safety with growth, ideally explored through open-hearted talks.

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Have you navigated parenting under unusual constraints? Share your insights below and let’s dive into how protection and independence can coexist in this tender, human journey.

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