AITA for forcing my kids to say thank you?

In a bustling suburban home, a mother watches her 5- and 6-year-old children navigate the world of carnival rides and bedtime water requests, determined to shape them into polite, grateful individuals. Spurred by tantrums and ungrateful outbursts from other kids, she’s made a firm rule: “please” and “thank you” are non-negotiable. Her mission feels like a small stand against a tide of entitlement, but it’s stirred up a storm with her husband and mother-in-law, who see her efforts as excessive.

This clash over manners unfolds in a household where love and expectations collide. The mother’s resolve to instill courtesy in her young children contrasts with her husband’s casual demands and lack of acknowledgment, creating a tug-of-war over values. Her Reddit post captures this family dynamic, pulling readers into a relatable debate about raising kind kids in a world that sometimes forgets its manners.

‘AITA for forcing my kids to say thank you?’

Raising polite children can feel like planting seeds in a garden where not everyone agrees on the soil. This mother’s insistence that her 5- and 6-year-olds say “please” and “thank you” reflects a commitment to fostering gratitude, but her husband’s resistance and mother-in-law’s disapproval highlight a common parenting divide. Her approach aims to counter entitled behaviors she’s observed, yet the family tension suggests a need for aligned role-modeling.

The issue taps into a broader societal challenge: cultivating kindness in young children. A 2021 study by the Journal of Positive Psychology found that gratitude in children, nurtured through consistent modeling and reinforcement, enhances social bonds and emotional well-being. The OP’s rule, while strict, aligns with evidence that early habits shape lifelong behaviors, but her husband’s lack of participation risks undermining her efforts.

Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist and parenting expert, notes, “Children learn what they live. If parents model kindness and respect, kids internalize those values”. The OP’s husband, by bypassing manners himself, inadvertently signals that politeness is optional, creating a double standard. His reliance on his own upbringing, echoed by his mother, may stem from discomfort with change, but it risks confusing the children about expected behavior.

To bridge this gap, the OP could model manners consistently, thanking her children and husband for small acts to reinforce the habit. Open discussions with her husband, focusing on shared goals for their kids, might align their approaches without judgment. By creating a united front, they can nurture gratitude that sticks, ensuring their children grow into adults who value kindness naturally.

See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit community overwhelmingly supports the OP, viewing her efforts to teach manners as a fundamental part of parenting. Commenters emphasize that saying “please” and “thank you” costs nothing and builds character, with many criticizing the husband’s lack of modeling as a setback. Suggestions include leading by example and ignoring the mother-in-law’s critique, reinforcing that politeness is a universal value worth instilling.

The consensus is that the OP’s approach is not only reasonable but essential for raising respectful kids. Commenters highlight the importance of consistency and modeling, noting that the husband’s resistance could confuse the children. Their support underscores a shared belief that manners are a foundation for kindness, learned best through early, consistent practice.

This mother’s push to teach her children manners shines a light on the delicate balance of parenting with differing values. Her story invites us to reflect on how we instill kindness in the next generation. Share your experiences below—how do you navigate teaching values when family members disagree?