AITA for expecting my friends to exclude a couple who spread false rumours about me being a home wrecker?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a bustling European city, a tight-knit friend group once buzzed with warmth, until one woman’s world tilted. A 34-year-old, blindsided by a new girlfriend’s whispers branding her a “homewrecker,” endured a stinging confrontation from the couple, Molly and Anton. The false accusations left her reeling, and her friends’ shrug-off of her pain felt like a second betrayal. Now, she grapples with attending gatherings where her accusers act untouched, her nerves frayed.

This Reddit tale dives into the ache of betrayal and the clash of loyalty in a cherished circle. It’s a story that hooks readers, blending the sting of slander with the struggle to heal amid friends who won’t choose sides. Can she safeguard her peace without losing the group she calls family?

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‘AITA for expecting my friends to exclude a couple who spread false rumours about me being a home wrecker?’

I (34F) have been part of a lovely friend circle for a while. one of the guys in our group (let’s call him Anton) got a new girlfriend (let’s call her Molly). At first, everything seemed fine, but later, things got weird. Apparently, Molly started believing I was trying to seduce Anton.

This was completely untrue (actually our friends tried to match us previously with no success). Everyone knows Molly has insecurities from past relationships and has projected similar suspicions onto many other women.. Things escalated when the rumour spread accusing me of being a n**ty person, home wrecker, etc.

The worst part was the conversation the couple decided to have with me when they felt that our friends start disliking this whole situation. They sat me down and basically told me that I had been inappropriate, “seductive,” and I should stop. I was in shock, freeze, and couldn’t respond properly at the time.

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(Just a note, we are in a liberal European country, and not some cult where women are not allowed to talk to men :D ) What confused and hurt me most is that Anton had been telling other friends that he didn’t think I’d done anything wrong, and that Molly was just having a hard time emotionally.

But when we spoke directly, he sided with her completely. Later he also changed the narrative for friends too, saying he needs to be supportive of his partner. Since then, I haven’t felt safe around them, I freeze completely. They still show up to group events and act like everything’s normal, but I don’t feel comfortable.

I’ve kept my distance but haven’t made a big deal out of it. Still, I feel stuck—like I’m being forced to share space with people who blamed and shamed me unfairly and never took responsibility for it. I know in theory it might help to talk to them to express how I feel but I freeze and am not able to.

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I am realising this was actually a traumatic experience, and now I have decided priority is looking after my nervous system, avoiding them completely and doing a variety of things to heal it. I recently have shared this with a few girlfriends in the circle but my pain wasn’t really accepted.

They dismissed it saying I should just talk to them. They didn’t like the idea that in order to protect my healing I will have to step down from anywhere they are attending. This puts people in an uncomfortable situation where they have to choose who to invite to their events.

I really do not understand how someone can be friends with people who did something so n**ty. I wouldn’t stay in touch with someone who did something like this to my friend. At the same time, I am so close to many people in the circle, we have been through so much, they are like family, and we have so many values and beliefs in common.

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So… AITA? Is my trauma making this look like a big deal while in reality this is not an issue and I should just brush it off and be friends with everyone? EDIT: I don't really expect anyone to exclude them, this was a reddit push to a divisive wording.

What I probably expect is them being understanding with me excluding myself from events where the couple is present but that's a bit longer and less clear wording. Although I personally wouldn't be friends with someone who did this to my friends so this value clash is confusing to me and making me feel unsafe in the whole friendship group.

Molly and Anton’s rumors weren’t just gossip—they were a public shaming that left lasting scars. The confrontation, paired with Anton’s hypocrisy, triggered a trauma response, as Psychology Today notes social betrayal can do. Her “freeze” reaction is a natural defense, not an overreaction.

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Dr. Judith Herman, a trauma specialist, says, “Recovery requires a safe environment.” Her choice to avoid the couple prioritizes healing, yet her friends’ push for dialogue ignores her pain, echoing a 2021 American Psychological Association study on group harmony trumping individual needs. The couple’s lack of accountability fuels her distrust.

She should explore therapy, per The National Alliance on Mental Illness, and clearly state her need for distance. Friends must respect this, or she may need to reassess these bonds. Her well-being trumps group comfort—true friends would understand, not dismiss.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit crew rolled in like a fiery brigade, dishing out support and roasting the group’s apathy. It’s like a pub showdown where loyalties are tested. Here’s the unfiltered pulse from the crowd:

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advilmakesmehigh − Not only are you NTA those are not your friends. Find new friends. WTF....

Waffle_of_Doom − NTA, but every one of your alleged friends *is.* If someone chooses to remain friends with someone who has actively caused me harm, I remove them from my life. It tells me they're lacking character and are too concerned about themselves to consider what a friend is going through.. I don't need that kind of s**t ruining my peace and well-being.

C_Majuscula − NTA I’ve been falsely accused in this way and it really sucks. Unfortunately, your former friend group is either a bunch of spineless cowards or they aren’t 100% sure of your story and are leaving the door open for your accusers. Find new friends.

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Renision − I’m not sure where to lay this one down, but in my experience, if you have a problem with someone in the group, you respectfully take a bow out or try and talk it out. Asking friends to pick a side between friends, even you’re in the right, is almost always not the correct way to go about things.

What is throwing me closer to you being ta is the word expecting. You can’t expect your friends to handle your personal grievances by excluding another well established couple in the friend group. You should all be equals when it comes to a friend group, where everyone’s opinion holds weight

If they’re already telling you that they’re uncomfortable with feeling like they have to choose sides, you have your answer. They’re going to go with the people creating less waves. If you want this to be put to bed, talk to them.

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Or if you can’t get over it and you know talking to them isn’t going to change your mind, either find a new group of friends or avoid them, but don’t put your burden on others. Im going to say NTA but could become ESH if not handled maturely.

HoldFastO2 − NTA after the explanation in your edit. But IMO, this goes beyond asking who the AH is here. If two people talking nonsense at you is enough to traumatize you and make you feel unsafe in your friend group, you need therapy. That is not a proportional response.

Capstonelock − When we choose our friends, we are also establishing the morals we expect from them. Usually, we know and trust their morals because we take the time to get to know them. If I had a group of friends and one of them was lying about another within the group, I'd expect the group to stand firm that that wasn't acceptable behaviour.

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If they chose to ignore both the bad behaviour, and the impact it had on the other group member, I'd lose respect for them and bow out of the group. It's a hard decision because you feel like you're losing something, but in exchange you gain self respect.

Hidden_Vixen21 − Don’t avoid events. Molly will see that as a sign that she was right. You did nothing wrong. Their issues are not your responsibility. Go to the events. Have fun. Ignore them and do not engage with them.

Intelligent_Read_697 − NTA but you just realized that none of these people were ever truly your friends to begin with

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Super_NowWhat − NTA, but to describe this as trauma? That means you’ve lived a blessed life, with no real trauma. The best thing is always to be kind, and not play the game. Go to group activities, be kind and enjoy yourself. Be strong and rise above it. My concern, from reading this post, is that you’re not strong enough to deal with a small thing. That should be your focus.

iambecomesoil − INFO:. Is my trauma.... I've read this. I don't see trauma. I see an uncomfortable conversation. Where's the trauma?

Redditors championed her, slamming her friends as spineless and urging new connections. Some debated her “trauma” label, suggesting she tough it out. But do these bold takes capture the full story, or just heat up the drama?

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This story lays bare the pain of slander and the loneliness of friends who won’t stand up. Her retreat from the couple is a shield for her heart, yet her group’s neutrality stings like betrayal. It’s a tale that challenges us to balance self-care with loyalty. Have you ever felt let down by friends who stayed neutral in your pain? Share your story below—let’s unravel this knot!

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