AITA for disapproving of my in laws asking to borrow money when we just had a baby?
A woman sold her property and savings to buy a coastal home with her then-boyfriend after he proposed relocation, marriage, and children via text—despite his debt and struggling business. Pregnant and grieving her mother’s recent death, she paid off his debts and supported the move. Shortly after the baby’s birth, her in-laws—having lent their savings to her husband’s sister—asked to borrow money for car repairs.
Uncomfortable funding extended family amid new parenthood and financial strain on her husband’s modest income, she resisted. Her husband reacted angrily, holding resentment for 17 years, viewing her refusal as unsupportive.
‘AITA for disapproving of my in laws asking to borrow money when we just had a baby?’
Early romance quickly escalated into major life commitments amid imbalance.
Post-baby, in-laws turned to the couple for financial help.
Refusal sparked lasting marital tension.
This account reveals concerning patterns of financial imbalance and entitlement in the marriage. The woman’s substantial contributions—property sale, debt payoff, relocation—enabled the shared life, yet her boundary against further lending triggered prolonged resentment. Refusing to bankroll in-laws’ choices (lending savings to another adult child) protects new family stability, especially postpartum.
What raises red flags further is the husband’s 17-year grudge, suggesting displaced shame or expectation of her as primary provider. Opposing views might frame refusal as lacking family loyalty, but healthy partnerships prioritize nuclear unit needs over indefinite extended support. Societally, women often bear disproportionate financial/emotional loads post-baby; resisting overextension preserves well-being.
Long-term grudges erode trust—therapy could unpack origins, but enabling endless resentment risks codependency. Boundaries aren’t selfishness when protecting vulnerable life stages.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Many users supported the wife, questioning the husband’s long-held resentment and overall dynamic.
Several highlighted financial red flags and potential exploitation.
A couple urged reflection on the marriage and boundaries.
Seventeen years after refusing to lend money to in-laws shortly postpartum, the woman still faces her husband’s resentment despite her major financial contributions to their life together. Community members largely validated her boundary, expressing alarm at the prolonged grudge and early relationship dynamics.
Long-simmering financial resentments can deeply strain marriages. Is a 17-year grudge over refused family help reasonable, or a sign of deeper issues? Have you navigated in-law money requests early in parenthood—how did you set boundaries? When one partner brings significantly more assets, should expectations shift accordingly? Would you seek counseling for such enduring tension, or view it as irreconcilable? Share your thoughts below.
