AITA for cutting access to my gaming library for an autistic family member?

In a world where gaming consoles hum like cozy campfires, one woman’s digital treasure trove became the center of a family storm. Two years after a messy divorce, a 28-year-old gamer found herself tangled in an unexpected drama with her ex’s autistic nephew, Adam, and his parents. Her once-generous gesture of sharing her prized gaming library turned sour when boundaries blurred, and old family ties frayed. The question lingers: was she wrong to pull the plug?

This tale of pixels and principles dives into the messy aftermath of a breakup, where personal property and family expectations collide. With emotions running high and keyboards clacking with heated messages, readers are drawn into a relatable saga of standing one’s ground. The story unfolds with a vivid clash of loyalty, entitlement, and the struggle to reclaim one’s space after a split.

‘AITA for cutting access to my gaming library for an autistic family member?’

Throwaway for obvious reasons. I (28f) am a gamer and very proud of the library of games I have build over the years. Gaming is also one of my hobbies. 2 years ago I have split from my now ex husband. He has an autistic nephew(11) 'Adam' who was also into gaming, his mother (my ex auntie who he is really close to) has asked if I can give him access to my gaming library, so I did

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I have also warned her and him that he might get kicked out from the game if I decide to use it as 2 people can't use it at the same time and that she also has to monitor the games he plays and installs since some are not suitable for kids. She had no issues with this.

I was busy with the split so didn't have time to pay attention if Adam still uses my library for games. As the split was messy, I was expecting him to stop, until yesterday I was trying to access a game in the library and noticed he was using it.

Since I'm the owner, he got kicked out from the game and I started to get a lot of messages from him on the platform asking to let me play and buy some games for him. I wasn't sure if he was told that I'm no longer 'a part of the family', so I just cut off his access to my library, which made him upset.

At the end of the day his parents had 2 years to tell him about the split. Of course I started receiving messages from my ex's aunt and uncle saying I had no right to cut his access like this and she was also giving me grief about the games he has installed or played that were not appropriate for him.

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I have reminded her that as per her own words I am no longer a part of the family, so I do not have to provide her child with access to games and if he wants to play they have to buy him games that are appropriate for him and his age. I was called an a**hole.. So AITA?

Edit: just to clarify, Adam was 11 when i gave him the access and when I split from my ex. During our entire relationship and marriage I have met and talked to Adam 3 times top, so he definitely doesn't see me as a 'cool auntie' or considered family.

I gave him access to the library because his mother asked me to as they didn't know what he would and wouldn't like and money were tight due to covid. I haven't spoken to Adam about why I cut his access and why I wouldn't be buying any games for him, since I'm not his parent and I don't want his parents to create even more drama if I say something wrong.

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He is also the type who would ask a lot of questions and some of them can be uncomfortable. I don't think it was my place to tell him the reason I am no longer a 'family' is due to his own family behaving like pos.

Those who are worried about his game progress - once his parents purchase a game for him that he played on my library his progress will be carried over due to cloud saves, some games also store save files on his machine. He wouldn't be able to access my library anyway in case he has to change his machine as it will require me to relogin into my account on his new machine and reinstate access.

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Cutting ties with a gaming library might seem trivial, but it’s a window into the larger issue of setting boundaries post-breakup. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes in his work with the Gottman Institute that “clear boundaries are essential for healthy relationships, even after they end.” This story highlights the tension between generosity and self-preservation. The OP, after sharing her library with Adam, faced demands from his parents despite no longer being family. Their entitlement, paired with criticism over game choices, ignored her initial warnings about monitoring Adam’s play.

The OP’s decision to revoke access reflects a need to reclaim personal control. Family dynamics often blur lines, especially when children are involved. According to a 2023 study from Family Psychology, post-divorce conflicts often stem from unclear expectations between ex-family members. Here, the aunt and uncle’s reliance on the OP’s generosity post-split created friction, as they failed to respect her autonomy.

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Dr. Gottman’s advice on boundary-setting applies directly: “Respecting someone’s limits fosters mutual trust.” The OP’s choice to cut access wasn’t spiteful but a reclaiming of her resources. For Adam’s parents, the solution lies in taking responsibility—purchasing age-appropriate games for him. This situation underscores a broader issue: entitlement can strain even well-meaning connections. The OP can move forward by calmly reinforcing her stance, perhaps suggesting resources like Steam’s family sharing guide to help Adam’s parents set up their own library. Maintaining firm boundaries while staying civil can prevent further drama.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade for the OP’s dilemma. It’s like a virtual tavern where everyone’s got an opinion and a keyboard to share it. Here’s what the community had to say:

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[Reddit User] − NTA. The aunt is the AH for:. 1. Expecting you to provide free games for her kid. 2. Allowing him to play games that is not age appropriate for him. 3. Directing that responsibility to you, someone who isn't the parent of the kid.. Cut all contact with these people.

outfluenced − NTA, his parents should start paying for his games. Come on. It’s been TWO YEARS.

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ThomzLC − NTA. ex's aunt and uncle saying I had no right to cut his access like this and she was also giving me grief about the games he has installed or played that were not appropriate for him.*. Yikes! Where's this sense of entitlement coming from, 'no right' ? seriously? Kudos to you for having the patience to give them a proper reply, I'd probably burst an embolism at how ridiculous the whole situation is.

TwinSong − NTA. It's *your* game library. You generously gave him access at the time but he's not entitled to it. Also as you said you're not part of the family. Myself, I don't give access to my Steam library to anyone else.

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so I do not have to provide her child with access to games and if he wants to play they have to buy him games that are appropriate for him and his age. Exactly. His family can buy him age-appropriate games for his own account (Steam etc). Honestly, the amount of entitlement on their part.

lil-catto − NTA. You guys split two years and got cut off from any relationship with his family. They can pay for their own games.

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Various-Bridge-325 − NTA. You are no longer part of the family but you should buy him games and give him access to your library? Using you much? Who cares what they think. He is their son, let them sort him out and ignore their insults. They will stop if you ignore them. Funny how people's true colours always come through.

[Reddit User] − Mate, you dodged one hell of a bullet. NTA.

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Remdog58 − NTA. You are automatically going to be the a**hole when the free stuff gets cut off. Just the way people are. They get a free ride long enough they begin to act entitled.

verclio90 − NTA. Block ex aunt and uncle - no reason at all to talk to them further.

OdaGoated − NTA if his parents want him to play games they can buy him some. I don't think emotional blackmail is cool. At the end of the day people have the right to revoke access just like they gave it.

These Redditors rallied behind the OP, calling out the aunt and uncle’s entitlement with a side of wit. Many saw their demands as a classic case of taking freebies for granted, while others questioned why Adam’s parents didn’t step up sooner. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the drama?

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This story of a gaming library lockdown reveals the messy dance of family, breakups, and personal boundaries. The OP’s choice to cut access wasn’t just about games—it was about reclaiming her space in a world where ex-family ties can overstay their welcome. With Adam’s parents pushing back, the saga highlights how entitlement can sour even small acts of kindness. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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