AITA for communicating with my daughter only in my language, not English?

An American mom of Indian descent fills her home with the lilt of Gujarati, teaching her 6-year-old daughter the language of her grandparents’ heritage. But her ex, a latecomer to fatherhood after a three-year absence, bristles, calling it “un-American” and claiming it alienates him from their child’s chatter. Steadfast, she defends her choice, backed by science and pride in her roots.

This isn’t just about words—it’s a tug-of-war over culture and connection. Her commitment to bilingualism, cheered by Reddit as NTA, clashes with her ex’s demands for English dominance. Like a melody sung in two tongues, the story probes how parents balance heritage with harmony, asking what it means to raise a child across worlds

‘AITA for communicating with my daughter only in my language, not English?’

I am an American who has lived in the US her whole life. My parents are from India, and the 2 main languages they speak are Gujarati and Hindi. They have been US citizens for over 50 years now and safe to say we are proud to be Americans, and love our country. My ex is American with Dutch ancestry & he only speaks English.

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I was with him for 1.5 years, before I unexpectedly fell pregnant (my BC failed) and my parents found out pretty much straight away because nosy Indian parents will find a way to know everything. The outpouring of love and support from my 2 old folks was tremendous and they were staunchly on my side

and babies side especially because when I told my ex I was pregnant he bailed and went MIA for 3 entire years (he still paid CS) the rest of the Indian community basically shunned me and called me a whore but my parents stuck by me. I moved back with my parents and they added an entire wing to their home just for me and my baby.

They speak only Gujarati at home, as my parents have multiple businesses in India, and they prefer it. My mom and dad only speak to my kid in Gujarati and asked that I make sure she knows her heritage and her home.

I spoke with a child psychologist who told me it is absolutely healthy and okay for her development if I speak minimal English with her at home, because she’s exposed to so much American culture via external sources / tv and I speak English when I’m around others including with her when we are out and about.

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My ex came back into my life when my daughter was 3 because he had a change of heart and wanted to meet his daughter. He has fallen head over heels in love with her and begrudgingly I have to say he is a fantastic father and my daughter absolutely loves him.

She’s 6 now and the two both look exactly the same as well as act exactly the same- he is very charismatic and silly and he has taught her those qualities because I’m pretty boring and serious and she has really opened up in a way I’m proud to see. His only ‘complaint’ is that she babbles to herself in Gujarati ALL the time and my ex hates it.

He also feels that I’m delaying her development by strictly speaking in Gujarati when I’m at home and that it’s un-American of me. He has also expressed dissatisfaction that he can’t understand her and that he’s missing out on sweet moments because sometimes she can’t translate into English.

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She can speak English perfectly but she seems more confident in Gujarati, which I myself have noticed. I told him that he can either learn Gujarati or put up with our daughter being more comfortable in Gujarati. He thinks I’m being difficult on purpose but I really don’t feel like I’m doing anything wrong.

The mother’s choice to speak primarily Gujarati at home is not only culturally affirming but developmentally sound, fostering bilingualism that enhances cognitive and social skills. Her ex’s complaints—labeling it “un-American” and claiming it stunts development—ignore evidence and reflect his discomfort with being linguistically sidelined, not the child’s well-being.

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A 2023 study in Journal of Child Language found that bilingual children show superior cognitive flexibility and academic outcomes, with no developmental delays when exposed to both languages early (Cambridge.org, 2023). Dr. Ellen Bialystok, a bilingualism expert, notes, “Consistent home language use strengthens cultural identity without hindering second-language acquisition” (EllenBialystok.com). The daughter’s English fluency via school and media ensures balance, while her Gujarati confidence honors her heritage.

The ex’s absence for three years weakens his claim to dictate language choices, and his cultural insensitivity risks alienating the child. Reddit’s NTA verdict champions the mother’s approach, though some miss the ex’s emotional struggle.

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She should invite her ex to learn basic Gujarati phrases with their daughter, fostering inclusion (Duolingo.com). Co-parenting counseling could align their goals. Encouraging the daughter to share English moments with her dad might ease his fears.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s dishing out a chorus of support for this mom’s linguistic legacy, with sharp jabs at the ex’s narrow view—brace for the vibrant takes!

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wigglebuttbiscuits - NTA. Your ex is a tool. What you're doing is the best way to go about raising a bilingual child-- she will have no problem learning English whatsoever. She'll also be better at picking up languages for the rest of her life. 'Un-american' my ass.

PonTanuki - NTA! You're not delaying your daughter's development, you're giving her a major advantage by raising her bilingually. Your ex should appreciate that this is part of her and her family's culture and identity. As someone who has grown up speaking two native languages, I strongly encourage you to keep it up. Your daughter will thank you one day.

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gaelgeagom - NTA, it’s called a ‘mother tongue’ for a reason. I would tell him to learn it, get over it or just s**t up. Three years is a long time, if he wasn’t present he doesn’t get to choose her first language.

[Reddit User] - NTA, my parents only spoke to me in Mandarin and I’m bilingual now. I can actually talk to my grandparents/aunts/uncles unlike a lot of my cousins and thanks to shows like Wheel of Fortune I have no issues in conversations with Americans.

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Also gonna let you know that letting her watch TV and generally consuming American media is the right thing to help her learn English. I grew up in a pretty insular immigrant community and I know a lot of strict/isolating parents who assumed their kids would magically gain English from existing in America.

They only spoke Mandarin to their kids, didn’t expose them to English via friends/media and ended up with kids that have accents in both languages and/or have no real native language. Exposure will PREVENT language confusion, not create it.

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thisisradioclash - NTA. Your ex is being a jerk, though. Raising kids bilingually is a huge advantage for them. And of course, in your situation, it also means your daughter can communicate with her grandparents and extended family. If your ex feels left out, he could always learn a bit, himself. Have your daughter teach him the basics, make it daddy-daughter time..

he’s missing out on sweet moments because sometimes she can’t translate into English. Some things are just really hard to translate. He can't expect a 6 year old to understand all the different nuances and find an exact match in another language.. Keep doing what you're doing, you're giving your daughter a great advantage in life.

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Angelsrflamabl - NTA. However...... please make sure she is learning to read and write on grade level in English. Bilingual is a huge advantage but some kids can speak 2 languages really well and at the same time super struggle when it comes to either reading or writing.

DonRight - NTA. Professional in early childhood education here. The idea that learning multiple languages at once having detrimental effects because children mix them at first has been debunked for generations and I'm sure your psychologist told you as much. If the father feels that the child doesn't speak enough of his language that just means he should speak more with the child.

The majority of children at my school are bi and tri-lingual and they're younger than your daughter. We recommend to the families that they each speak in their own native language to the children. There will be some mixing, but after a while it just lets them have a deeper understanding of both languages as well as communication in general.

dnjprod - NTA: If he cared so much about this subject, he should have been there for the first 3 years. Instead he feels like he should come in 3 years later and complain about how she expresses herself? He has 2 choices: learn the language his daughter speaks, or get over it.

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happy-lil-hippie - NTA - she will be fluent in more than one language and that is something many Americans (myself include) are not. America doesn’t care about teaching their citizens different languages when they’re young so when they’re adults they look down upon foreign languages as if they’re bad when in reality that is the farthest thing from the truth

[Reddit User] - NTA. I actually speak Hindi/Gujarati/English, so I think I can offer a better perspective than most people. My parents rarely ever spoke English in the house, only Hindi and Gujarati. I learnt basically all of my English from school and tv shows, and I think it’s fair to say that my English is as fluent as most native speakers.

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I’m also more fluent in English than the other two languages, so I’m glad that my parents made the effort to teach me Gujarati/Hindi. If your kid has a problem with it, then it’s an issue. As long as she doesn’t, your ex has no reason to complain.

These are Reddit’s most spirited cheers, but do they capture the full harmony of heritage and healing?

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This saga of a mom’s Gujarati lullabies and an ex’s English-only gripes is a vivid lesson in weaving culture into a child’s heart. Reddit hails her bilingual stand, torching the ex’s “un-American” jab as petty. It’s a reminder that language isn’t just speech—it’s identity. How would you balance heritage and co-parenting in a divided family? Share your thoughts below—let’s unpack this cultural crossroads!

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