AITA for calling my sister moronic for considering giving up her college offer to stay with her bf?

In a cozy family kitchen, a 23-year-old woman’s heart sank as her brilliant 18-year-old sister, Anna, dimmed her own star. Accepted into a top engineering school, Anna’s joy faded under her boyfriend’s ultimatum: stay local or lose him. The older sister’s blunt warning—calling the choice “moronic”—left Anna in tears, their bond strained.

This isn’t just about college plans; it’s a tug-of-war between love, ambition, and tough family truth. As Anna wrestles with fear of loneliness and the older sister regrets her harshness, the story asks: how do you guide someone you love without breaking their heart?

ADVERTISEMENT

‘AITA for calling my sister moronic for considering giving up her college offer to stay with her bf?’

Please help because I feel like I am watching my sister throw her life away. I am 23F and my sister, Anna, is 18F. Anna is a senior in highschool and has always been a really great student, smart, passionate, etc. She's on her school's robotics team and wants to study engineering in college, and has perfect grades in math and science.

A few weeks ago, we were ecstatic when Anna announced that she got into a top engineering school. It's out of state and expensive, but she was offered a partial scholarship, and with financial aid it should be affordable. Our grandparents also offered to pitch in to cover any additional costs so that the financial burden would be taken off of Anna.

When Anna found out that she got in, she was over the moon! But recently I've noticed a change in how she talks about it, and she doesn't seem excited anymore. After she went for a tour last weekend for accepted students, she sounded miserable when I called her. A few days ago my mom told me that she overheard a conversation between Anna and her boyfriend.

ADVERTISEMENT

She has been dating this guy, Joe (19M), since she was a sophomore and he was a junior. He now goes to a local college about 20 minutes from our town. He seems like a perfectly nice guy, and smart too. But apparently, if she goes away to school, he will break up with her because he doesn't want to do long distance.

Apparently, their initial plan was that she would go to the same school as him and they would live together, and then get married as soon as they graduate. When I facetimed with Anna yesterday, I immediately confronted her about this. When I asked if this was why she seemed so sad about her acceptance, she initially denied it, but eventually broke down and told me that she was considering going to the local college instead.

She tried to justify it by saying that it would be less money and closer to home anyway, but I told her that it would be a horrible decision to forfeit an incredible opportunity to go to a top school just for some guy, and she would regret it. She told me that she was really excited to get in, but she didn't want Joe to break up with her because she would never find anyone else.

ADVERTISEMENT

I told her that it was absolutely moronic to give up an amazing opportunity that she FULLY earned and sacrifice all the doors it could open for her just to be with a guy. She started crying more and hung up on me. Now she won't answer my texts.

I feel terrible. I know I was harsh, but it seemed like it was something she needed to hear. If she didn't like the school and genuinely wanted to stay local, I would totally support her. I love Anna so much and want the best for her, and want to support her no matter what.

But I can also see that she will likely regret giving this up just to be with her boyfriend who doesn't even want to slightly compromise. From my perspective, the right person would be supportive of her accomplishments, not diminish them. I don't know. Maybe I was out of line. AITA?

ADVERTISEMENT

EDIT: I just want to clarify that I did not intend to sound elitist in this post or that you can't still have a good career if you go to a local school (or don't even go to college at all) rather than a big-name university. I also went to a state school to save money

and worked at a restaurant all through college to pay for it and I have a job and career I like now. I just think that throwing away a good opportunity that could open many doors career and connection-wise for the sole purpose of keeping a relationship is a poor choice.

Calling a sister “moronic” for prioritizing a boyfriend over college may sting, but it comes from love. Anna’s fear of losing Joe, who won’t compromise, reveals a common teen trap: clinging to first love at the cost of dreams. The older sister’s frustration is valid, but her delivery shut down dialogue.

ADVERTISEMENT

This reflects a broader issue—young adults navigating independence versus attachment. Dr. Lisa Damour, a teen psychology expert, notes, “First loves feel eternal, but they rarely are; growth often means letting go.” Anna’s belief she’ll “never find anyone else” is normal at 18 but shortsighted, especially with a top school opening doors.

Anna needs reassurance, not judgment. The sister could apologize for her harshness, then highlight college as a place to meet like-minded people, including potential partners. Data shows only 20% of high school couples last through college. Joe’s refusal to try long-distance suggests he values convenience over Anna’s future—a red flag.

The sister might encourage Anna to discuss fears with a counselor or trusted mentor, framing college as empowerment, not loss. A gentle talk about Joe’s ultimatum—does it respect her worth?—could spark clarity.

ADVERTISEMENT

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit erupted with a mix of tough love and sharp advice—like a family meeting with zero filter. Here’s what they said:

Famous_Specialist_44 − NTA . Hard truth is her boyfriend recognises their relationship is not forever. . If it was meant to be he would make it work.

happybanana134 − NTA because you're absolutely right, but Y T A because your approach to this is awful and will likely make things worse. 'she didn't want Joe to break up with her because she would never find anyone else. I told her that it was absolutely moronic to give up an amazing opportunity that she FULLY earned and sacrifice all the doors it could open for her just to be with a guy.'

ADVERTISEMENT

Ffs. She's literally telling you what she's worried about and instead of offering any reassurance, you're making her feel worse by insulting her. On what planet is this going to give her the confidence to take the leap and go to the top school? Your sister needs assurance that a) if she and Joe are truly meant to be,

her going away to college won't change that because they'll find their way back to each other b) that the right guy would be supporting her and pushing her to take this opportunity and c) that she's amazing and is going to meet so many brilliant people who will just love her.

Informal-Prestige − NTA my BIL turned down great scholarships for his gf. They are no longer together and he works on boat docks. We watch soccer games together for my son and talk about how many scholarships he had. Just getting accepted won’t make her happy forever. One day it will be “I should have” if she doesn’t open her eyes. A relationship that can’t stand the long distance test probably wouldn’t stand up against the trials of life.

ADVERTISEMENT

DogsReadingBooks − I don’t care if I’m gonna get lots of downvotes for this. I think you absolutely did the right thing. I would do the exact same thing if it were one of my sisters. You’re trying to look out for her and her future. She’s young, as are you, but she genuinely believes that this is it for her. He’s the guy for her. She needs to get out, explore, go to the college she got admitted to, and broaden her horizons.. NTA. You’re looking out for your sister.

Vast_Responsibility6 − NTA. First it's 'I'll break up with you for following your opportunities and dreams.' Next thing you know. 'You make more money than me and I am insecure, quit your job or it's break up time.'. 'Be a stay at home mom or divorce.'.

He will take away everything about your sister that makes her her. Was it harsh? Yes, but she needs to see her goal posts will always move and he won't support her or compromise for her.. She needs out before she's a shell of who she was trapped in a life she didn't want.

ADVERTISEMENT

SassyCatLady442 − Nta. I knew a girl who threatened her boyfriend that if he went to the college he wanted to, which was 8 hours away, she would break up with him. He turned down his scholarship and agreed to go to the local community college. She waited until the day prior to leaving to say she got into a college States away and was dumping him.

The kicker, she got her acceptance letter a week before he got his. She had every intention of going away and dumping him. She just wanted to see what he would do given the ultimatum.. Hopefully, your sister does the smart thi g and go to her college.

StyraxCarillon − YTA for telling her that her choice is moronic, even though I agree with you. When you started insulting her, you closed the door to communication. I hope that you told her what you wrote in your last paragraph, before she hung up. Those were important points.

ADVERTISEMENT

CosmoKkgirl − Why does she feel, at 18, that she would not find someone else? Did HE tell her that? I saw a cousin go through something similar. Gave up university for a married guy with kids. Married him, they both have zero contact with either family, his grandkids haven’t met them. She’s an isolated a**oholic because she thought that was the best she could do at 19.

StAlvis − NTA. Apparently, their initial plan was that she would go to the same school as him and they would live together, and then get married as soon as they graduate.. *Eww.*

algunarubia − YTA. You are right on the merits, but calling her moronic was not the way to go about this. Apologize for calling her stupid. Focus on the fact that she's worried about ever finding anyone else. For example, you might mention that very few adults are still with their high school sweethearts.

ADVERTISEMENT

Use your and your friends' personal experiences to express how much easier it is to find compatible dating partners in college than it is in high school. Point out to her that an engineering major is a very good place to meet guys. Fear of being alone forever is something she should overcome, because it's not a likely outcome even if she goes to this other school newly single.

The other thing you should point out is that if Joe was as invested in the marry-after-college plan as she is, he would at least entertain trying to transfer to a school near the one she got into or going long-distance. The fact that he's doing neither shows that he likes her well enough as long as she's a convenient option, but his overall life plan is more important to him than she is.

Which is as it should be, they're teenagers! But she should not decide to prioritize the relationship over everything else with someone who isn't willing to do the same because this won't be the last time that type of decision comes up. What if he gets a great job offer after graduation that would take him out-of-state?

ADVERTISEMENT

I guarantee he'd take that job, and he'd expect her to either follow him or break up. What if he wants kids and she doesn't? What if he wants to stay home with said kids and she thinks they should do two incomes with daycare? These are decisions most couples make,

but if one person prioritizes the relationship above everything and the other prioritizes their own preferences over the relationship, that's a recipe for long-term resentment and eventually breaking up. Even if she's afraid of being alone, going to the local school to stay with Joe is very unlikely to be the right way to avoid that.

I know a guy who stayed with his high school girlfriend until he was 25. They went to colleges 2 hours apart, so somewhat long-distance. They lived apart, but he'd visit her on many weekends. He's in his late 30s now, and he's never had another serious girlfriend.

ADVERTISEMENT

He very much regrets not breaking up with her when he went to college, because college was a great and easy place to meet young single women, and he even got hit on plenty and there is no better environment for that after you graduate. Tell her not to be him.

These takes are fiery, but do they help Anna see clearly or just deepen the rift?

This tale of a sister’s sharp words and a teen’s torn heart lays bare the pain of watching someone you love veer off course. Anna’s college offer is a golden ticket, but her boyfriend’s ultimatum clouds her vision. The older sister’s “moronic” jab, though harsh, screams care, not cruelty. An apology paired with a heart-to-heart could rebuild trust, nudging Anna toward her dreams. But the choice is hers. What would you say to steer a sibling away from a risky sacrifice? Share your thoughts—let’s unravel this family knot!

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *