AITA for calling my fiancé a creep for messaging and sending money to teenage girls?

A 28-year-old mom juggling side gigs to feed her family thought wedding bells were close—until her fiancé’s phone revealed a pattern she couldn’t ignore. He’s been quietly sending cash to a 16-year-old girl, deleting the proof, and brushing off her pleas to stop. The trust? Absolutely shattered.

What began as “harmless help” snowballed into two separate teen message threads, secret agreements, and a groom-to-be begging for forgiveness with drastic promises. She called it creepy, ended the engagement, and now wonders if she overreacted. Social media exploded with reactions—some screaming “run,” others urging caution. One thing’s clear: when money, minors, and deleted texts collide, the fallout gets messy fast.

'AITA for calling my fiancé a creep for messaging and sending money to teenage girls?'

The trouble quietly began when the poster noticed her fiancé’s odd habit…

I (28F) am engaged to my fiancé (32M), and lately I’ve been deeply uncomfortable with something he’s been doing. He’s been “loaning” money to a 16-year-old girl — the daughter...

They message about life sometimes, and I’ve told him several times to stop lending her money. He promises he will, but then does it again and deletes their messages so...

Promises shattered fast after a raw heart-to-heart…

When I confronted him, he said he deletes the messages because I’m a stay-at-home mom and “don’t need to worry about his money.” For context, he doesn’t give me any...

We had a serious talk where he agreed to be honest if she ever asked again. Within a week, she asked three times. The last time, I got upset because...

saying she always pays him back. I told him it makes me uncomfortable — why is a grown man texting and sending money to a teenage girl? It feels creepy.

The fight exploded when he dragged the teen into their drama…

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I did call him a pedophile out of anger, because I honestly can’t understand why he’s maintaining a personal relationship with a minor like that. He then texted her,

told her everything I said, and told her he couldn’t send money anymore — making me look like the controlling partner. She even called me controlling, and he basically agreed.

One glance at his phone delivered the final blow…

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Then, a few days later, I was checking a message on his phone (he asked me to) and saw a conversation with another 16-year-old — his ex’s daughter. He was...

Now he’s texting me, begging for our family back, saying he’s deleting all social media and getting a new number. I told him, “It’s sad you need to do all...

For clarity, I don’t know the girls or their parents personally, so I can’t contact them. I already called the police, but they said they can’t do anything since 16...

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At its core, this is about trust, money, and wildly unequal priorities. She’s scraping by on side hustles while he plays secret banker to teens he barely needs to know. Financial infidelity stings hard—especially when kids go hungry at home.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, clinical psychologist and narcissism expert, notes: “Secret financial transactions, especially with much younger people, erode the foundation of partnership. Deleting messages signals shame or fear of discovery—both red flags.” She adds that age gaps plus money create power imbalances ripe for concern.

Fixes demand transparency and fairness. He could hand over full phone access, route all “loans” through joint accounts, and prioritize household bills. She might insist on couples counseling focused on money scripts—why does he withhold from family yet give freely elsewhere? Real change means actions, not just new phone numbers.

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Broader lens: healthy adults mentor kids through parents or community programs, not private cash apps. Innocence claims ring hollow when secrecy reigns. Every relationship needs aligned values—here, one partner sees family duty, the other sees personal freedom. Without alignment, someone always loses.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Most users slammed the fiancé, urging the poster to protect herself and her kids…

[Reddit User] − NTA Literally why are you engaged to this guy? Nothing but red flags in this post.

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Octuplicate − NTA. He should be taking care of his wife and his kids instead of wasting his time texting 16 year olds. He is creepy.

Dry-Measurement-8425 − NTA One he should be taking care of you. Two, definitely sounds like he is grooming a relationship with these girls. ...disgusting. I would inform all of their...

Emergency_Dish4313 − Take away the grooming aspect of this situation, and you still have a s__tty relationship. You aren't well off and he is loaning money to someone outside the...

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#2 You find out he is relaying your conversations to someone outside the relationship. #3 Then you find out there is another person he is pretty much doing the same...

A couple voices pushed for caution, saying context matters before labeling…

Lee2021az − NTA but this isn’t the core issue actually (as creepy as this is it COULD be innocent) the core issue is you are a SAHM and he earns...

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No way, that’s not acceptable? Just what is he doing with ‘his’ money. You have been treated terribly on so many levels! I hope you are able to make positive...

Whole_Commission_702 − Lots of people here claiming he is grooming or a pedophile and based on what is said in the post, especially given how much bias she is putting...

I had a friends who’s dad was an a__hole and my dad was like a second father to them. Help with money for cell phone and activities and gave them...

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Witty takes lightened the mood while still siding with the poster…

AddaCHR − NTA he act like a groomer

Educational_Leek5800 − You should be saying something to her parents.

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Some other comments from readers.

grunt91o1 − This guy literally beat you into unconsciousness and said he never loved you, why do you think You're the AH in any way

[Reddit User] − GORL! I never comment but what the actual f__k! He beat you, tried to k__l you, THOUGHT he killed you, but you'll leave over him being a...

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ThickintheNips − So this guy beats you unconscious and is grooming children/possibly also a pedophile. Do I need to even say it OP?

BakuSnail − Have you told their parents? And if not, why? NTA but seriously let these parents know, obviously if it's safe.

mustang19671967 − This is creepy , you need to really reevaluate your future . Call the girls family and maybe ask the police . It’s nothing illegal yet but maybe...

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HolySheetCakes − Change the locks, file for divorce & child support. Also file whatever you can to keep him away from your son unless it’s supervised visits. If he’s grooming...

[Reddit User] − NTA. This is weird and creepy behavior.

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One fiancé, two teens, zero transparency—and a stay-at-home mom left holding the grocery bags. She called creepy what she saw, ended the engagement, and refused to look back. Commenters mostly cheered her exit, though a few urged nuance. Money secrets plus age-gap chats rarely scream “healthy.” When trust vanishes, sometimes the kindest cut is a clean break. Would you give a second chance to someone who hides cash and conversations—or lock the door and keep walking?

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