AITA For buying my niece fancy birthday gifts but refusing to buy school supplies for my nephews who need them?

A joyful day at Build-A-Bear and a Mickey Mouse waffle maker made Andrea’s birthday unforgettable, thanks to her uncle’s devotion. But when his estranged sister, Jennifer, who abandoned Andrea for her new husband, demanded $100 for her sons’ school supplies, old wounds reopened.

The uncle’s firm refusal has ignited a family firestorm, with some calling him selfish for prioritizing Andrea over his nephews. Reddit’s buzzing with takes on this clash of loyalty and resentment, as the debate over family ties and fairness heats up fast.

‘AITA For buying my niece fancy birthday gifts but refusing to buy school supplies for my nephews who need them?’

My sister, Jennifer, is a horrible person. My sister divorced her first husband, Wayne, to marry her current husband, Lance. Lance is also an awful person. Lance said that he didn’t want to raise Wayne and Jennifer’s daughter, Andrea, and he only cared about having biological children.

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Jennifer gave full custody to Wayne because Lance was more important to her than Andrea. No one in the family has spoken to Jennifer since. Andrea was three when Jennifer left her for Lance. Andrea just started fifth grade and is being raised by Wayne and his wife, Emily.

Andrea knows Emily is not her biological mother, but my niece says Emily is her real mom anyway and she doesn’t care to know who her birth mom is. We have a great child therapist ready if Andrea ever needs her, but Andrea says she has not needed it yet.

Andrea’s birthday was two weeks ago. We went to Build-A-Bear and I bought her a bear with several accessories. I also got her a Mickey Mouse waffle maker. Andrea was so happy that she was smiling the entire day! Wayne and Emily posted pictures of Andrea on the family website eating Mickey Mouse waffles saying they were delicious, courtesy of myself.

I blocked Jennifer on all social media; It was a friend who got a message from Jennifer that was meant to go to me. Jennifer explained in the message that my nephews, Colton and Ryder, were starting school soon and she and Lance were struggling to afford school supplies.

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And because I was buying fancy gifts for Andrea, I could surely spare $100 to cover both Colton and Ryder’s school supplies. I don’t even know how Jennifer found those pictures because the family website is supposed to be password-protected. I responded to Jennifer that I would not be sending a dime to her or Lance.

She abandoned Andrea for some guy. She doesn’t get to come back to the family she abandoned now that she needs a favor. And besides, she and Lance are grown-ups and if they can’t afford things then it’s not my problem. Jennifer told me how awful of an uncle I was and kept trying to get me to call her, but I had my friend block her and that was over.

Several people, like my co-worker, are saying that I should be the bigger person for Ryder and Colton because they’re innocent in this and it’s unfair they go without school supplies because their parents can’t afford them. They said I could donate the school supplies directly so I wouldn’t have to worry about Jennifer or Lance spending the money poorly

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I have no relationship with my nephews, and people are saying this is a great opportunity to become involved in their lives and be a positive role model where Jennifer and Lance may be failing them. I get it’s not fair to Ryder and Colton, but it’s ridiculous for me to subsidize their schooling expenses while having no physical or emotional role in their life.

Besides, if Jennifer and Lance genuinely can’t afford school supplies there are programs to help them. Edited to add: Yes, my nephews are actually named Colton and Ryder. All I will say about that is if I had my own children, I personally would not use those names.

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Family drama can hit like a gut punch, especially when past betrayals resurface. The OP, who spoils his niece Andrea with love, faces a demand from his sister Jennifer to fund school supplies for her sons—despite her abandoning Andrea for her husband. The request feels like a bold move, given the OP’s estrangement and Jennifer’s history.

This reflects a common struggle: navigating family ties after trust is broken. A 2023 Journal of Family Issues study notes 27% of adults experience estrangement, often over unresolved betrayals (source). Dr. Joshua Coleman, a family therapist, says, “Boundaries are key when family demands clash with personal values” (source). The OP’s refusal is understandable—Jennifer’s abandonment cut deep, and funding her sons risks enabling her.

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Still, the nephews’ innocence tugs at the conscience. Coleman suggests indirect support, like donating supplies through programs like DonorsChoose, to help without engaging Jennifer. The OP can maintain his focus on Andrea while exploring community resources for his nephews.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit dove in like a family feud at a picnic, tossing out support and sharp jabs. From cheering the OP’s loyalty to Andrea to slamming Jennifer’s nerve, the comments are a spicy blend of empathy and shade. Here’s the crowd’s take:

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ParamedicSilent2097 − NTA The issue with helping your nephews this way, is that it opens the door for your sister to demand more and more. Keep spoiling your niece, she is lucky to have people who love her.

Pumpkinkra − NTA— Lance thinks it’s an unreasonable burden to care for a child who isn’t biologically his, so there you go— you’re lessening the burden on Emily for raising a child that isn’t hers.

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NUT-me-SHELL − NTA. Any of the people who are trying to guilt you into giving Jennifer money are free to donate their own money if they are so concerned. Jennifer made her bed, as it were, and now she gets to lie in it.

drbarnowl − NTA. I would respond with “all the money you saved by abandoning your daughter should be enough to cover school supplies”

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Ok-Entrepreneur61 − NTA it was her choice to abandon her daughter for a man, but I honestly think it was for the best. She is no prize an the person she married certainly isn't. Keep supporting your niece, she made her bed, an if she is that broke maybe she an her husband shouboth work. Not you problem, it's your money and your right to spend it how you like.

Ladyknight0991 − Nta. You are correct. There are tons of places that give away supplies every year and with places like dollar tree, you can get most everything for very little.

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[Reddit User] − The father said he only cared about his real family, where's he caring about his real family now? Andrea is your family, keep her under your wing. NTA. And as you said if they really can't afford, a ton of social works can. People saying that they're your family are welcome to help, next time ask if they want the address to drop something there :)

BaconMeCrazy93 − Nope nope nope. It's school supplies today, it's who-knows-what-else tomorrow. NTA.

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Bubbly_Satisfaction2 − NTA. Side-note: I absolutely hate being “the bigger person” and taking the high roads. I blame my father for this. He was the one, who had forced me to invite the mean girls to my birthday parties. Or “be friends” with the a**hole in the class because they might need a friend.

eric987235 − Colton and Ryder. ಠ_ಠ

Redditors back the OP’s stand, urging him to protect his boundaries and focus on Andrea. Some point to social programs for Jennifer’s sons, warning of a slippery slope if he gives in. But do these views fully consider the nephews’ needs, or are they just fueling the drama?

This story of birthday gifts and school supply snubs lays bare the pain of family betrayal. The OP’s choice to prioritize Andrea over his nephews feels fair given Jennifer’s abandonment, yet the boys’ needs spark debate. Reddit cheers his boundaries, but the lesson lies in balancing loyalty with compassion. When has family pushed you too far? What would you do in this uncle’s place?

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