AITA For being mad at my husband’s family for excluding my disabled son from a family trip?

Jonathan Hours
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A beach house getaway sounds dreamy, but for one mom, it’s a heartbreak. Her 10-year-old son, buzzing with excitement to join his stepdad’s family trip, is crushed when in-laws deem him unfit due to his cerebral palsy. The sting of rejection hits hard, leaving the OP torn between fury and sorrow as her son questions his worth.

This Reddit AITA post dives into a raw clash of family values and ableism. Readers are gripped, debating whether the OP’s outrage is justified or if missteps fueled the drama.

‘AITA For being mad at my husband’s family for excluding my disabled son from a family trip?’

I 38F had my son John with my late husband who passed away from lung cancer 5 years ago, John was diagnosed with cerebral palsy since he was 3 years old, he's now 10 It was so hard for me to take care of my sick husband while working to provide for my son with the means to be able to live a normal life just like any other kid.

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He always had issues with communication and expressing his emotions, others tend to misunderstand his condition and just make him feel like it's his fault. I met my current husband and we been married for over a year now, his family have been respectful but they never really involved me and my son in any family event.

They seem ignorant when it comes to understanding my son's condition, they always ask annoying questions and tend to make me uncomfertable with being around them. This past week, my husband told me that every year, his family gathers and takes a trip to a beach house they own and spend a couple of weeks there to get away from stress and bond as a family,

my husband used to go alone but this year he wanted me and my son to come with him since we're now his family, I felt uneasy about this idea, But I saw this as an opportunity for my son to go out, get fresh air and play with the kids and have fun, when we told him he got so excited and started preparing early, we had a great time making plans for what we gonna be doing there as a family.

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Last night, my husband said he wanted to tell me something, turned out he spoke to his family and told them we were tagging along but they seemed to dislike the idea, told him that they don't know how my son 'will behave' around family members and how this type of trip was not for kids like him, they said that he should come alone like he did every year, and that they did not make plans for us.

I was so upset but mostly hurt by this, my husband promised he'd make it up for us and take us on a trip just the three of us, I told my son and he kind of knew why, he started crying, started telling me that he knew no one wanted him around, he started crying and asked me if anyone will ever cry when he dies,

I was in disbelief, this made me cry and I had to call my mother in law and I literally yelled at her for being such an inconsiderate person to make my son cry and treat him like that, she started making excuses and trying to shift blame I ended up hanging up on her which resulted in them fighting with my husband and yelling at him for getting involved in the first place.

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Exclusion stings, especially when it targets a child’s disability. The OP’s in-laws’ refusal to include her son, citing vague concerns about his behavior, smacks of ableism, while her husband’s premature invitation deepened the hurt.

Dr. Amy McCart, a disability advocate, states in a Parenting article, “Inclusion starts with understanding—families must educate themselves to embrace differences” . The in-laws’ ignorance about cerebral palsy, a condition varying widely in impact, likely fueled their hesitation. Their failure to engage reflects a broader issue: lack of disability awareness.

A 2022 Disability and Society study found 73% of families with disabled children face social exclusion due to misconceptions. The OP’s son’s emotional outburst underscores this pain.

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For solutions, experts suggest proactive education. The OP could share resources on cerebral palsy, proposing small accommodations like quiet spaces. A family meeting to discuss inclusion could help.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit brought fierce support and sharp critiques to this family saga. Here’s the community’s unfiltered take:

Thrwforksandknives − INFO: Your son has cerebral palsy. How bad is it? Does he lead a relatively normal life? I have CP as well and I know it can manifest itself in variously different degrees. Do they need to make any sort of accommodation? And what types of questions are they asking?

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IBelieveInGood − NTA, unless you’re leaving significant info out of the post (like your son causing extreme disturbances or you flying off the handle on them repeatedly), they’re excluding the both of you on ableist basis.

[Reddit User] − NTA. I almost think that your husband is more TA here. Not excusing the in-laws but I think he was worse. From what it sounds like - the in-laws always excluded you. Your husband decided ON HIS OWN to invite you both and get you excited for the trip.

He then told his family who, as per usual, turned it down. HE got you excited and made your son cry NOT the in-laws. I'd be surprised if they knew that your husband said anything beforehand. If I'm wrong about this then they are all equally TA.

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undeadgorgeous − ESH except your son.I have cerebral palsy (spastic diplegia) and I get how annoying it is to explain to people what that entails. Answering the same dumbass questions all the time gets annoying.

But here is where everyone sucks: You suck for not taking the initiative to organize a gathering (something your son enjoys) that would allow him to get to know these other kids and family members in a relaxed setting. If you want them to understand your son you have to meet them halfway and provide the resources.

It’s not fair that you have to shoulder that extra burden but it is what it is. You also suck for telling him and getting him excited before anything was confirmed with the hosts. Your husband sucks because he didn’t ask in advance before inviting ANY additional two people on a planned family vacation.

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The disability issue doesn’t factor in here. You just don’t do that. It’s rude. He also sucks for telling you all before getting permission. His relatives suck because they haven’t made an effort to learn about your son’s condition (palsy is VERY variable by type, from “nearly invisible disability” to “unable to speak and quadriplegic” and they may be uncertain how to approach things.

Be open, be transparent, and give them the tools to be good family members to him. This stuff doesn’t just come naturally. Most people hear “cerebral palsy” and the first thing they say to me is “but you walk/you aren’t mentally handicapped” as though both of those assumptions were givens the moment the condition came up.

You know this condition, they don’t, and you need to help them navigate integrating your son into their family. It is SO HARD to grow up feeling different/wrong/rejected because of something you have no control over.  This kid spends every day fighting against his own body not doing what he wants it to.

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It’s so important that you find activities he can do, counseling for his feelings surrounding the disability, and ways to help encourage his mobility and coordination as he grows. If you need help please reach out, i’d gladly answer your questions.

cabbage9988 − ESH. “They ask annoying questions”? Maybe they ask questions trying to better understand your son but you shut them down. They should include you both yes - but maybe they feel like they’ve tried and been shut down by your attitude to their questions

Wolf_1988 − He is not part of the family it seems and I'd be incredibly disappointed if your husband attended on his own ever again to be honest. No amount of make up trips will make up for being made to feel like a outsider.. NTA

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[Reddit User] − Info: You say his family asks annoying questions. Have you sat down and had a real info session with them to educate them on his condition? Speculation here, but I could see them being reasonably uncomfortable including you and him,

if they don't know his limits and you react by being standoffish and annoyed when they try to find out more about what he can and can't participate in. Even if their questions seem stupid to you at least they want to know, that could be a positive sign if you can unclench and lean into it.

Mandajolene123 − Wait? Info- is your husband planning on going without you? Because if so, you have a serious husband problem and he’s just as bad as the rest of your family. NTA, but it would be assholish to stay with someone that treats your kid like that.

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chatondedanger − NTA. Your husband is for not sticking up for you and your son. He should refuse to go with out you two. His family is for not seeing you as part of the family and purposefully excluding you from the bonding event.

YMMV-But − NTA. Your husband will be if he leaves you & your son to vacation with these people. If fact, he’s an AH unless he stands up to his family & tells them that from now on, the 3 of you are a package deal. If son is not included in the family, they won’t see him either.

These bold opinions rally for the OP, but do they miss any nuances?

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This story of a mom’s fight for her son’s place in a family trip exposes the raw wounds of exclusion and ableism. The OP’s anger feels like a shield for her son’s dignity, yet the family rift grows. Have you faced ignorance about a loved one’s needs? What would you do in this heartbreak? Share your thoughts below and let’s keep the convo alive!

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