AITA for asking the check to be split after my date was rude?

In a candlelit restaurant, a first date sours over a cutting remark. After weeks of texting, a man and his date share laughs until she suggests he expects intimacy for covering the bill. Her eye-roll stings, killing the vibe, and when the check arrives, he splits it with a biting comeback.

Her glare could shatter glass, and friends now call him out. This Reddit AITA post unpacks the chaos of dating expectations and bruised egos, leaving readers to weigh in: was splitting the bill a fair retort, or a spiteful jab that fueled her suspicions?

‘AITA for asking the check to be split after my date was rude?’

I had a date with a girl, we had been messaging back and forth for a couple of weeks and I said we should meet and get to know each other, she agreed and we set a time and place. We met outside and made our way in together making small talk, we got to our table and the conversation flowed.

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It looked like it was going good, the topic got on to previous dates we had, mainly the bad ones. She said she had quite bad luck with dates and guys being only after one thing. She then made the comment I hope just because you’re buying dinner you don’t expect me to sleep with you.

I was a little taken aback with that and said no of course not. She just rolled her eyes. We got back to normal conversation for a bit but I have to admit that after those comments I was put off her. The date carried on but the vibe was dead and I wasn’t interested in seeing her again or carrying on any kind relationship.

When the check came I put down my card and the server brang over the machine I gave him my card and said to split the check. She looked surprised at me and started to reach for her bag, she asked the server if he could give us a minute. When looking in her bag she angrily said I thought you were paying, I kind of sarcastically replied just because I asked you out you shouldn’t expect that I would buy you dinner.

If looks could kill I’d be dead. She mumbled that I was a a**hole and pulled her card out. We left quickly after that and went our separate ways. I told a friend this and she said I was a a**hole for doing that as I asked her out. I said I just followed her rules by not to expect anything. Am I the a**hole here?

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Dating is a delicate dance of assumptions and reactions. The man, caught off-guard by his date’s insinuation that he expected intimacy for paying, felt disrespected, especially after her dismissive eye-roll. Splitting the bill with a sarcastic quip was his response to her rudeness, but it heightened tensions, leaving her feeling targeted. This clash reveals clashing expectations on a first date.

Her comment, possibly a shield from past experiences, came across as presumptuous, derailing the mood. The man’s choice to split the bill was fair, but his sharp delivery hinted at spite, reinforcing her fear that he linked payment to ulterior motives. Dr. Helen Fisher, a relationship anthropologist, notes, “Clear communication on dates prevents missteps; reactive barbs deepen misunderstandings.” A calmer approach—like stating upfront the bill would be split—might have diffused the tension.

This mirrors broader debates on dating etiquette. Splitting costs is common, but the inviter often pays unless agreed otherwise. The man could’ve set expectations earlier, while the date might’ve voiced concerns more tactfully.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s dishing out fiery takes, from cheers to jeers. Here’s what users think about this dining drama:

tropicalfriends - NTA, assuming/hoping your date will pay is one thing, but for her to straight up tell you you’re paying is s**tty. Always be prepared to go halfsies

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Marcultist - ESH. Yes, you did a good job making sure she sounded entitled and stuck up, but I have zero doubts you were put off because you knew you weren't getting lucky.

milee30 - 'just because I asked \[her\] out \[she\] shouldn’t expect that I would buy \[her\] dinner' Well... yes, it does. The person inviting should be the person paying unless another arrangement is clear in the invitation..

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Would you like to have dinner with me? 8 o'clock at XYZ restaurant = You invited, you should pay. Should we meet to see if we're a match? Dutch treat at XYZ restaurant? = You've made it clear it's a get-to-know-you and that you're splitting the bill.. YTA but softly.

itsapurseparty - YTA, but for a different reason. I don't know what era these commenters are from, but as a woman who's been on many online dates: I go into it thinking the bills will be split, but it's certainly a nice treat for the guy to offer. It's 2020.

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However, it sounds like you split the bill out of spite which on its own sets a bad precedent. I don't go on a date to please you - I go to act like myself, get to know you and see if we're compatible. So what if someone is rude? Then don't ask them out again or find a way to leave early.

You put down your card when the check came and waited until the server came back to pick it up to reveal that you weren't covering it. You could've told her that when the check was put down instead of surprising her when the server was standing there now waiting on her to find her card.

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EDIT in response to many comments about 'So what if someone is rude?': Yeah, I said it. That is literally the entire point of dating. Ever heard the phrase 'You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince?' Especially with a stranger from the internet, you'll match up with people who are rude, people who suck, and people who you just don't mesh well.

So what? Now you know you don't like her, and if it was so egregious that you can't enjoy the evening, then get out of there! I did not say that he has to pay anyway. You can only control your own behavior, and his behavior was petty and vindictive by his own description.

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Obviously, he doesn't have to pay for her. Other options:* When the bill was put down, say 'The total is $$, so my half is $ and yours is $' * In response to her statement of him paying for dinner, 'I'm not like that, and to prove it, let's split the bill.'

(Even if she incorrectly assumed he was paying, he did nothing to dispel that assumption in his response. And considering all the other commenters who made the same assumption that the ask-outer pays, it's clearly not blatantly wrong.) * Or even after that statement he didn't like and the eyeroll, make some excuse to leave early and say he'll take care of his half at the bar or whatever.

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[Reddit User] - YTA. you were put off by her saying I hope you dont expect s** because you're paying??. Then you dont pay, thus proving her point. Lol

aschetheadorable - YTA.. Not because you wanted to split the check. For thinking what she said was rude, and treating it as a personal attack. I dont think those daggers she was staring at you were because she had to pay for herself.

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I think they came from the implication that you were making her pay because she didnt want to have s** with you, proving the idea that you may think if you pay she owes you s**. Do you not see how pulling that last second, with your snarky comment, comes across as you only being on the date for s**?

cowsaysmeow77 - YTA, your sarcasm at the end pushed it out of E-S-H territory. I completely agree that she was rude and presumptuous - there were ways she could have addressed the issue while keeping the vibe going but her eyeroll immediately made her an AH.

I think it would have even been fine for you to politely cut dinner short and get everything to go, depending on where you were in the meal. However, your comment suggests that perhaps she was right after all and even if she wasn't, there's no way she'd come to any other conclusion based on what you said.

CulturedPhilistine - NTA. She got a taste of her own condescending medicine.

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Bitter_Syllabub - NTA As a woman if the date is awful I always offer to pay my half. I don’t want the person to feel cheated or think I owe them something especially when I will probably never see them again.. So if you think it went bad you should definitely be allowed to split the check too. (Going Dutch is also not bad either way anyway. I just know some women do what I do and men should be allowed to apply that logic too.)

[Reddit User] - YTA, but not like you'd think. Minor violation IMO. Etiquette typically dictates that (s)he who asks, pays....or at least is expected to. If a third party did all the planning (mutual friend setting you up) I generally expect a 50/50 split. Otherwise, be glad you're done with her. Sounds like more trouble than she's worth. Just bear that in mind for future reference.

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These opinions stir the pot, but do they capture the full dance of dating etiquette and pride?

This date-turned-debacle shows how fast assumptions can derail a night. Was the man’s bill split a justified jab, or did his sarcasm make him the villain? Would you split the check to prove a point, or eat the cost for peace? Share your thoughts below!

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