AITA for asking my son (25) and his girlfriend (24) to go to work and maybe do some chores?

A mother is starting to wonder whether she crossed a line by asking her 25-year-old son and his girlfriend to do something fairly basic: go to work consistently and help out around the house. Jack and Becky have been living with her and her husband since the middle of last year. Each pays just $100 in rent—a symbolic amount meant to help them contribute while saving for their own place.

But instead of moving toward independence, the couple has begun acting as if that small payment buys them freedom from responsibility. Missed work shifts, lingering weed smells, and defiant comments have pushed the situation to a breaking point. Things became even more stressful after she agreed to co-sign a car loan—and now fears she may be the one stuck paying for it.

‘AITA for asking my son (25) and his girlfriend (24) to go to work and maybe do some chores?’

When her son first moved back home, the expectations were simple:

My son, Jack (25) and his girlfriend, Becky (24) have lived with us since the middle of the last year. When he moved in and then eventually she did, the...

My son and his girlfriend both do not attend college. My husband and I didn't expect them to pay a lot, just $100 ea.

Being that they are adults, we figured this would be a way for them to contribute but also so they would be able to save money to get their own...

Tension started building when basic household help turned into arguments:

Since Christmas, there has been numerous times when bringing up the subject of helping out (dishes, garbage), I would get rude comments or remarks back. Such as, "I pay rent...

"That's none of your business, I am an adult and don't need to be told what to do". I have also asked that his girlfriend not smoke pot in the...

Then came the financial risk:

So a month ago, He asked if I would co-sign on a car loan, I said yes. I only did it because he has been super responsible his whole life.

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Now, Every other week, he and his girlfriend call in to work 1 to 2 days. I only worry now that now that he has his car, he will lose...

One night became the tipping point:

Now I have talked to him previously about all of the things, yesterday, he and his girlfriend called into work. And late last night, the house started smelling of pot....

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When I tried to talk to them, I was ignored. I tried calling and texting, and I received no response. My husband wants to give them an ultimatum and I...

Later, she shared an update:

Update: I first want to say thank you to everyone for the advice. Second, My husband and I did talk with Jack last night. We told him all the things...

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He responded better than I thought he would have. But he agreed that it was time to find their own space. He apologized and said they would begin looking. I...

I will not be on the hook for his irresponsibility ( even though I am). He also gave some excuse for the smell of pot in the house that I...

He said that he would make sure that she goes outside every time. I also want to clarify, I don't mind that they do it, I just really don't like...

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Also wanted to add since a lot of people have said that he doesn't sound super responsible. Before he met his current girlfriend, he most definitely was.

He has great about doing what he had to when he had to. Just he has not been that way lately.. Again, thank you all. I truly appreciated all the...

Situations like this are increasingly common. Adult children move back home for financial reasons, but blurred expectations can quickly create friction. Legally, Jack is an adult. Practically, living at home for $100 a month still places him in a dependent role.

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Clinical psychologist Dr. Joshua Coleman, who specializes in parent–adult child relationships, has noted that the transition to independence often involves power testing. Young adults may assert autonomy before they are financially or emotionally prepared to sustain it. When that assertion collides with parental expectations, tension escalates.

Co-signing the car loan complicates the dynamic. Financial entanglement changes the stakes. Without real-world consequences, inconsistent work habits can become patterns. Clear expectations—paired with consistent follow-through—are often what ultimately push growth.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

As for netizens, needless to say, once they join the discussion, opinions pour out like rain, some analyzing, some mocking, and others even “ordering” solutions.

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Many users expressed strong support for the OP, arguing that they had been too lenient and needed to be firmer immediately.

moew4974 − Yes, your husband is right. Not quite sure why you let the gf move into your home in the first place. You're enabling your son's entitlement and bad...

Then tell your son that he has 90 days to save up money to move out of your home. Within that 90 days, he's required to do chores daily.

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No more call outs at work unless he is legitimately sick. Sick as in needing and actually going to the doctor or urgent care. Absolutely no pot on your premises....

You have no responsibility towards housing his freeloading and disrespectful gf, so stop. And do not co-sign another thing for him. Ever again. OP, your son is old enough to...

You know you've taught him better and it's going to be up to him to do better. Do not enable this behavior or you'll be a pensioner trying to convince...

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You'll have their children tearing up your house. Unless your son is given hard boundaries and consequences, this behavior won't change. He is an adult, so if he has to...

BeachPlze − NTA. Evict them. They will soon learn that paying rent does indeed mean you still need to do chores! It’s unfortunate that you co-signed on the car,

and I suggest you put something in writing so it is crystal clear what the consequences will be should he default on the loan (e. g. the car will be...

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Aggravating_Net6733 − You need to repossess the car and sell it immediately before you end up carry the entire payment.

Your son and his girlfriend have no respect for the favor they have been given. They have enough money to smoke pot, but not enough to take care of themselves....

Less_Ordinary_8516 − NTA. Time to give them a month to move out. They are doing great if they can miss that much work, and lay around smoking pot.

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Tell them they broke the rules numerous times, they are rude and won't do chores. Paying rent doesn't buy them a housekeeper. If they don't move out and don't shape...

Don't let them bully you and tell you you're making them homeless. You're doing them a favor. They are becoming dependent on you, and soon you will have two out...

groovymama98 − Nta Take your house back. Your house your rules. I would also remind both of them that son's girlfriend is there by you and your husband's grace.

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maricopa888 − NTA, but you are way overdue to be a lot more firm on this. That means house rules, chores assigned, etc. They're taking advantage of you, and where...

You don't say what type of ultimatum your husband wants to give, but it makes sense for you and him to agree on what is expected, sit down with your...

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Some comments were sharply critical, suggesting that the OP had inadvertently indulged their child and put themselves in a difficult position:

Osidestarfish − You would be the A if you don’t get on board with your husband not putting up with this lazy brat entitled behavior.

They are fully taking advantage of you and you’re allowing yourself to be a doormat. They know how much rent is. So now they basically have a free place to...

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You are being made to be a servant in your own home. You know they have absolutely no intention of ever moving out. Read that again. They are not saving...

And your son is going to bully you into making the car payments because it’s going to ruin YOUR credit, if not. Put on your big girl panties give out...

SockMaster9273 − NTA Why would you cosign a car payment for someone being this disrespectful? He doesn't sound so responsible right now if you are asking him to work more.

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It's your house. If you don't want them smoking pot in it, they shouldn't.

Your son claims to be an adult now. He should start acting like it.

Tell him to get a job or find someone else that will rent him a room for $100 a month (which is noone).

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They sound like crappy roommates. You aren't asking them to fix the house that's falling apart or something that takes a lot of work. You are asking them to clean.

[Reddit User] − First: See if you can get him to sell or refinance the car. Cosigning on that was a major mistake on your part and you are almost...

Once that's done (or more likely, when it's clear that won't be done), start the eviction process. You will regret every moment of delay on that, you need them out...

I'm sorry you're in this situation, NTA for trying to do the nice thing, but I've seen this before and there's no way you're going to make anything better with...

Many people chose to use a humorous and sarcastic approach when discussing the young couple’s “concept of rent”:

nikkesen − NTA. LOL. Seriously? What the hell do they think happens if they pay rent to a landlord, that the landlord's gonna do their dishes or take out their...

Do they sincerely believe ignoring people will make their obligations vanish into thin air? They're coasting on the coat tails of life. Reality isn't going to be kind to them.

Work with your spouse to workout a mutually agreeable ultimatum (for you two) then pass it on.

anonymom135 − NTA. Paying $3/day for rent doesn't mean you provide maid service. And you can absolutely set rules about drugs in the house and expect them to respect them.

You mention that he has been "super responsible" but it doesn't really sound like it. I hope you're not stuck with the car payment.

[Reddit User] − NTA. This is the time to evict. They both sound like bums.

[Reddit User] − Nta lmao, time for a house meeting. If they want to pull the 'I pAy rEnT' then they pay MARKET RATE, a share of utilities, their own...

Write up, they sign it, and if they dont tell them, they have 30 days to leave bc you're evicting them.

Here are some more in-depth analyses of rights, responsibilities, and boundaries within the family:

FragrantEconomist386 − NTA. Your son and his gf have started behaving irresponsibly. The weed thing bothers you, which is obvious from your post.

You would be fully entitled to make that a hard boundary that you don't want any smoking of weed in your house. And paying a tiny amount of rent when...

The "rent" is presumably just a token amount, as I don't know of any place where you could live for that little. If they won't comply, evict them. They are...

It sounds a little bit like "the inmates running the asylum", not that I think anybody is mentally disabled here.

Finally, as usual, the forum moderator bot appeared to remind everyone of the rules:

Judgement_Bot_AITA − Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a__hole: My action was that I asked My son and his girlfriend to pay rent and...

At its core, this isn’t about $100 rent or a few dirty dishes. It’s about responsibility, respect, and what adulthood actually looks like when you’re still under your parents’ roof.

The parents have now drawn a line. Whether Jack and Becky rise to the occasion remains to be seen. What do you think—should parents continue offering support when their adult children struggle to act responsibly, or is tough love sometimes the only option?

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