AITA for asking my mom’s husband to stop calling me his soul daughter and telling him my dad was meant to be my dad not him?

Shirley Stafford May 8, 2025May 8, 2025

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At a family gathering meant to celebrate love, 16-year-old Lily stood silent, refusing to plant a symbolic seed in her mother and stepfather Jeremy’s “soul family” garden. For years, Jeremy’s insistence on calling her his “soul daughter” and claiming he was destined to be her father has grated against her heart, still tethered to her late dad, who passed when she was six. Her mother’s spiritual narrative—that her dad was merely a stepping stone to Jeremy—stings like a betrayal.

Now, in therapy meant to bridge their divide, Lily’s plea to be heard clashes with her mom and Jeremy’s beliefs, leaving her feeling like an outsider in her own family. As she fights to protect her father’s memory, readers are drawn into this poignant struggle of grief, identity, and boundaries, wondering if Lily’s stand will carve out the respect she craves or widen the family rift.

‘AITA for asking my mom’s husband to stop calling me his soul daughter and telling him my dad was meant to be my dad not him?’

Lily’s rejection of Jeremy’s “soul daughter” label is a fierce defense of her bond with her late father, undermined by her mother and stepfather’s spiritual narrative. Their insistence that Jeremy was her destined father dismisses her grief and autonomy, while their choice of a like-minded therapist stifles her voice. This dynamic screams of boundary violations in blended families.

Parentification and forced familial roles are common struggles. A 2020 study in Family Relations found 25% of stepchildren feel pressured to accept stepparents as primary parental figures, often causing resentment (Family Relations). Dr. Patricia Papernow, a stepfamily expert, notes, “Stepparents must earn trust through respect, not demand it through ideology” (Stepfamily Institute). Jeremy’s spiritual claims, while heartfelt, invalidate Lily’s reality, and her mother’s dismissal of her dad as a “stepping stone” deepens the wound.

Lily’s bold therapy outburst was a cry for agency, though her family’s accusation of “hate” reflects their defensiveness. The therapist’s bias toward their beliefs is concerning—Lily needs an impartial mediator. Papernow suggests stepparents “build connection through small, respectful actions, not grand declarations.” Lily could request a new, neutral therapist and propose clear boundaries, like Jeremy using her name instead of “soul daughter.” Her mother must acknowledge her grief for her dad.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit rolled in like a wildfire, dishing out fierce support and sharp jabs at Lily’s mom, Jeremy, and their therapist. From calling out the “cult-like” vibes to urging Lily to plan her exit at 18, the comments are a spicy mix of empathy and outrage. Here’s the raw scoop:

Redditors cheer Lily’s stand, slamming Jeremy’s overreach and the therapist’s bias. Some see her mom’s beliefs as dismissive, others urge her to protect her independence. But do these fiery takes oversimplify the family’s intentions, or nail the disrespect?

Lily’s clash with her mom and Jeremy is a raw testament to the pain of having grief and identity sidelined by others’ beliefs. Her refusal to embrace the “soul daughter” label is a brave stand for her late dad’s memory, but the family’s pushback leaves her isolated. A new therapist and firm boundaries could shift the dynamic, but only if her mom and Jeremy listen. Can Lily find a way to be heard without losing her family? Have you ever had to defend a loved one’s memory against others’ narratives? Share your thoughts below.