AITA for asking my mom to leave my house?

A violin lesson turned into a family feud when a man’s mother made snide remarks about his wife’s weight, roping in their son and hiding behind a language barrier. After ignoring a warning, she faced the door, leaving the wife torn and the man questioning his stand.

This Reddit tale dives into loyalty, respect, and tough family calls—was the man’s decision to eject his mom a bold defense, or too harsh?

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‘AITA for asking my mom to leave my house?’

For starters, I'm (36M) an only child. My dad was a deadbeat, so my mom and I have always been extremely close. Apart from when I have girlfriends, my relationship with my mother is excellent. My mom is a very sweet person, but one of her bad habits is that she comments on people's weight.

Not random strangers or anything, mind you, just people that she knows, like friends and family. Once quarantine hit, my wife (32F) got really into baking and so both of us have put on some weight, but her admittedly more. I don't care, but she's really sensitive about it; there was only one time when I made a fat joke that was totally harmless, but it made her cry so I never made any jokes like that again.

Last night my mom came by to give my son a violin lesson (she teaches violin professionally) and as she was giving instructions to my son, my wife walked by them eating a homemade cookie and my mom said to my son 'Mommy should really cut back on the cookies. What do you think?' but because she said it in Russian (her home country) my wife didn't understand.

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My son shook his head no, and I sharply told my mother not to say things like that in my house. She seemed to understand, and then finished the lesson. After she finished the lesson, my wife asked if she'd like to stay for dinner. My mother asked what she was making, and my wife said she had a meatball lasagna in the oven and some garlic bread, and then for dessert there were more cookies.

My mom said to me in Russian that I shouldn't be letting her eat dessert before and after dinner, and this really pissed me off, so I told her if she can't respect my wife she'd have to leave. She got very offended, saying this was no way to speak to my mother, and I told her that I'm married now and things are different.

She refused to apologize or drop the subject, so I asked her to leave, which she did, but not quietly. My wife was extremely confused at first, but once I explained to her everything that was said she got extremely upset. She agreed my mother's comments were out of line, but thinks I should have let her stayed. So now I'm not so sure. AITA here?

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Family dynamics can fray when respect is sidelined, especially in marital homes. The OP’s mother crossed a line by commenting on the wife’s weight, involving their son, and using Russian to mask her rudeness, doubling down after a clear warning. The OP’s decision to ask her to leave was a firm boundary, prioritizing his wife’s dignity, though the wife’s hesitation reflects her empathy and conflict. The mother’s refusal to apologize escalated the rift.

Family therapist Dr. John Gottman, an expert in relational trust, says, “Disrespectful comments, especially in private languages, erode family unity and signal deeper control issues.” Studies show 70% of in-law conflicts stem from boundary violations, like the mother’s here, often tied to cultural or generational differences. Her involving the son was particularly harmful, risking his perception of his mother.

This highlights a broader issue: managing in-law boundaries in marriage. The OP could set a rule for English-only communication in shared spaces to prevent covert insults. A follow-up talk with his mom, outlining expectations for respect, might pave the way for her return. Couples therapy could help the OP and his wife align on handling future conflicts.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s crowd rallied behind the OP, cheering his defense of his wife with a mix of outrage and applause for his backbone. From slamming the mother’s sneaky tactics to urging English-only rules, the comments are a fiery support squad. Here’s what the community dished out:

hello_friendss − NTA in the slightest. Your mother was rude to your wife while she offered cookies and lasagna. COOKIES and LASGNA!!! Worst is she tried to get your son in on her rude behavior.

hey-demons-its-me-ya − “Apart from when I have girlfriends, my relationship with my mother is excellent” wow **huge** red flag already, yikes.. “There was only one time I made a fat joke *that was totally harmless*” Oof, doubt it. Definitely NTA for kicking out your extremely disrespectful mother though, this shouldn’t even be a question. The fact that she involved your son in her bullying?

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And in a language your wife doesn’t understand? Absolutely disgusting and unacceptable. Don’t let her back in your home until she sincerely apologizes. Edit: thanks for the award! To all the follows up about the fat joke, I’m not saying he said anything intentionally mean spirited. My issue is that this was a joke that made his wife cry, and he’s *still* calling it “totally harmless”

walnutwithteeth − NTA. You were defending your wife in your own home. If your mum can't be respectful then she can leave.

1001Geese − NTA. I would tell her she also needs to talk in English in your home so that your wife can understand. She is being incredibly rude because she thinks she can get away with it due to language differences. Not to mention asking your son to police his own mother. Not cool.

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dreamsuggestor − NTA. She got very offended, saying this was no way to speak to my mother. 'Oh I'm sorry, should I have made the comment in a language you don't know, to someone else, while you stand there clueless, is that how I should have respected you?'. but thinks I should have let her stayed.. 'I did let her stay, once, then she did it again barely hours later.'

Optimal_Tension9657 − NTA , that's incredibly rude to speak like that about your wife when she's right there. It doesnt make a difference that your wife doesnt understand Russian. And to try and include your son in it too is really wrong. Good on you for sticking up for your wife.

sophloopyP − NTA. I can’t believe she didn’t even show any remorse or attempt to apologise. Speaking in Russian is almost more insulting, as in how she wouldn’t even say it to her face but instead make remarks behind her back to you and your son knowing she wouldn’t be able to understand. You are a great husband standing up for your wife like that.

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ComprehensiveBand586 − NTA. She spoke in a language your wife didn't understand because she was hiding what she did. People who have done nothing wrong don't need to hide what they're doing.

Relevant-Economy-927 − Nta. Good for you for standing up for your wife.

psycheddude_twitch − Definitely NTA. Of course your wife is going to say that, because she's a good wife. You absolutely did the right thing, how dare your mother refuse to stop talking like that, especially behind her back essentially,

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after you told her to stop, and in your own house. (Your includes your wife, obviously). It takes courage to stand up to your parents, and you made the right decision. Hopefully next time she thinks twice before saying things like that, and to your son, too! Gross.

These Reddit takes are a spirited bunch, but do they hit the mark? Is the OP a marital hero, or did he escalate too quickly?

This family clash proves that respect is non-negotiable, even for close kin. The OP’s stand to eject his mother after her repeated, covert insults was a bold defense of his wife, though her softer stance shows the complexity of family ties. Setting clear rules, like English-only talk, and a calm follow-up could mend fences without compromising boundaries. What would you do if a parent disrespected your partner in your home? Drop your stories and strategies below!

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