AITA for asking my boyfriend to kick out his friends when I get home?

A woman who shares an apartment with her boyfriend recently faced a dilemma about personal space and household boundaries. While both of them work full time, their schedules look very different. Her boyfriend works from home, and he often invites a group of friends over during the day to work and hang out together.

The arrangement seemed harmless at first. However, the visits frequently stretch into the evening—right around the time she arrives home from work. After a long day, she simply wants to relax in her own home, but instead she often walks into a living room full of people she barely knows. When she asked her boyfriend if the gatherings could end earlier or happen somewhere else, he accused her of being controlling, leaving her wondering if her request was unreasonable.

‘AITA for asking my boyfriend to kick out his friends when I get home?’

The poster started by explaining how the weekly gatherings work in their household.

Basically, my boyfriend "Dan" (M27) and I (F25) both work full time. Dan and his friends (4 guys, all late 20s) all work from home, and they like to meet...

Happy for them! They'll rotate between their houses, meeting up for lunch and kind of extending that into a post-work hangout.

However, the situation feels different because she shares the space with her partner.

The thing is, all of his friends live alone. Dan & I live together. One of my biggest pet peeves is having random people in my house when I get...

I hate it so much-- I just wanna take my shoes off and relax and I can't do that if there's four dudes that I don't really know in my...

She tried bringing up a compromise, but the conversation didn’t go as she expected.

I spoke to Dan about potentially removing our house from the rotation, or at least taking his friends out around the time I get home.

He said that was controlling, which maybe it is. He also said it wouldn't be fair for them to host every week and for him to just skate by.

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I get that! I do! But I feel like I'm a variable that isn't being accounted for here. Honestly I'm conflicted here, so I figured I'd ask: am I an...

Later, she added more details about the situation and how often the visits happen.

EDIT for more info, from a couple questions (& comments) I've seen:- The guys come over once a week usually. Sometimes twice a week. They come over at lunchtime (noon...

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I do not want or expect my bf to stop hanging out with his friends, nor am I expecting him to break up with me for this. I didn't lecture...

The guys themselves are not creepy or weird or anything. I'm just tired after work and I like being able to unwind, and part of that (for me at least)...

I can't avoid them that much-- our apartment is an open floor plan & the only bathroom is in our bedroom, so there's always *some* level of interaction.

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Conflicts about shared living spaces are common when couples have different expectations about privacy and socializing. One partner may see the home as a place to host friends freely, while the other may view it primarily as a quiet refuge after a long workday. Neither perspective is inherently wrong, but the mismatch can lead to tension if boundaries are not clearly discussed.

In situations like this, communication and compromise often become the most effective tools. For example, couples might agree on specific hosting schedules, quiet hours, or limits on how long guests stay. These agreements help ensure that both partners feel comfortable in the shared space rather than feeling like their needs are being overlooked.

The broader issue is that homes serve multiple purposes at once: a workplace, a social space, and a place to rest. When several of those functions overlap, the balance between personal comfort and shared living can become complicated. The challenge is finding an arrangement where both partners feel that their needs are respected rather than competing.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Many users believed the request was unfair and emphasized that the boyfriend also has a right to host friends.

RoyallyOakie − YTA. ..Having people over one day a week is not too much to ask of a partner. It's his house too. Instead of becoming "that person" to his...

Run an errand that day. Create your own outing. These are the kinds of compromises you make when you share a home with someone.

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klyesowl − NAH You aren’t being controlling by wanting your own space, and that is a really harsh characterization, and I would 100% agree with you if it was everyday,

but if it’s just once a week, your boyfriend does live there too, and if he wants his friends over once a week he should be allowed to have them...

If you are anticipating it, you can make plan or be a little uncomfortable for one day. If you want to compromise you could ask for once every 2 weeks...

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Edited to add: I didn’t think about the fact that is he is not really spending time with you during the week, if he is either at your place with...

Zazzog − OP said in a different comment that Dan generally has his friends over one day a week, occassionally two. On that basis YTA.

You and Dan share the space; it's unfair to expect to get your way every single night. One night a week or occassionally two isn't even a majority of the...

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[Reddit User] − i mean saying ' you can never have friends over during the week after 5:30pm is controlling af. it'd be one thing if it was multiple days...

Others felt her frustration was understandable and suggested possible compromises.

Ok_Owl_365 − I don’t know, the only bathroom is through your bedroom so that is one big thing I’d have issue with after work,

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I like my space and if I needed to get away I’d want to be able to but then there’s like 3-4 guys walking through my room, no way I’d...

The other issue is he’s see these friends 5 days a week for like 8-11 hrs every day? That’s a big amount wow, I guess that also seems excessive but...

raksha25 − I do not understand everyone else. NTA. Your BF and his friends are spending over 30 hours a week together. Having one evening cut short is not a...

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And to me, having people regularly in my space is already a sacrifice even if it’s when I’m not there.

The space still has to be cleaned before and after, still have to make sure anything you don’t want them casually seeing isn’t left out, snacks have to be bought/replaced.

And even if your BF does all of this, you’re giving up time with your BF while he does all this. The thing that gets it for me, is that...

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1.5hours where you either have to make dinner, do your cleanup, any weekday chores that need done, prep for work the next day. And depending on your schedule, not everyone...

I’m typically in bed by 9, which means I have to either work around these guys or try and squish it in. Yes it is also your BFs space and...

GreenSpaniel − I don't understand why everyone keeps saying 'It's only one day a week', I think one day a week is way too often. Maybe once a fortnight.

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It'd maybe be great if when you get in, they could go out for a snack run or something so that you get that bit of after-work quiet time to...

Maybe you'd be more interested in hanging out with them if you had that, but to come home at least once a week to a house full of lads is...

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I'd probably get the girls over once a week until he understood how intrusive it is to have a group of people taking over your front room.

But a more adult approach would be either setting a curfew (it's not like they haven't just spent all day together),

ask for it to be less frequent (once a fortnight isn't unreasonable, or ask for them to pop out for 20/30mins when you get home, so that you can destress...

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Some commenters took a lighter or more neutral approach to the debate.

HolyBrawndo − This is one of the more subjective posts I've seen in a while on this sub. NAH is the only honest answer, but I'm very similar to you...

I get why this puts you in a tough spot, and I don't think the YTA crowd understands our type of personality. Even the NAH comments are unhelpful, including this...

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Ultimately it's a minor inconvenience, so you should probably let it go for now, but you and your BF need to have a conversation about boundaries, even small ones like...

HNutz − NAH You both live there. You should both be happy.   Maybe you do your thing after work on Tuesdays?

anonymouspotomous − NTA. Idk what’s up with all these people saying otherwise. But It’s perfectly acceptable to wanna come home to no guests. There’s no reason they can’t leave by...

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This situation highlights how different expectations about home life can create tension in relationships. One partner values quiet personal space after work, while the other enjoys socializing with friends in the shared apartment. Both viewpoints reflect legitimate needs.

Finding a middle ground—whether through scheduling, shorter visits, or occasional nights out—may help both partners feel more comfortable in the space they share. What do you think: is it reasonable to ask guests to leave before one partner gets home, or is hosting friends once a week simply part of living together?

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