AITA For Am I Wrong for Prioritizing My Girlfriend Over My Ex and Son?

In a complex family saga that continues to spark intense debate online, a 55-year-old man finds himself at the center of controversy for allegedly choosing his current girlfriend over his ex-wife and 15-year-old son. After a tumultuous divorce marked by abuse and constant conflict, he has managed to forge a strong bond with his son, Sean, while attempting to build a new life with his 40-year-old girlfriend—an endeavor that has not gone smoothly with his ex-wife.

Now, his decision to firmly reject his ex-wife’s request to have Sean stay with him while she pursues a weekend with a new partner has ignited accusations that he is forcing a choice between his new relationship and his responsibilities as a father. This article examines the unfolding drama from a third-person perspective, highlighting the tension between parental duty and personal boundaries.

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‘AITAH for choosing my Girlfriend over my ex wife and Son?’

I am 55 Male and my GF of 3 years is 40 F. My ex wife and I divorced 4.5 years ago and she hasn't quite got over it. She divorced me for her co-worker., she was abusive and we fought all the time. Anyway, when that relationship failed she started being nice to me. I have a 15 YR Son named Sean. We have a great relationship. His mother and I are starting to co parent better.

Here is the issue, his mother can't stand the fact I am in a relationship and she is no longer seeing her co worker, she can't seem to keep a boyfriend right now. She's quite difficult to be with. She hates my girlfriend and therefor Sean and my girlfriend do not have a relationship as Sean does whatever his mother says.

I've tried talking with Sean, he is somewhat like his mother. My GF will not force a relationship either. She says if someone doesn't want to be apart of her life then she don't need them. I have to agree as my son and ex wife has been unfair to her.

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Now, This past week, I've been out of town for work. I already informed my ex and my son that I wouldn't be around. My girlfriend decided to take some time this week to do things she's wanted to do around the house, some repairs and decorating. My ex called me to tell me that she met someone and wanted to know if Sean can stay at my house while she spends the weekend with this guy.

I told her that Sean is perfectly capable of staying home at their house by himself. She said that she doesn't want him home alone and that he is scared incase something happens. She insisted that she will drop him off at my house. I told her that my GF is not going to watch him, she is not obligated to watch someone who has treated her like s**t for the entire time we have been together and that Sean can stay home at his house.

My GF has tried in the past to have a relationship with them both and they have refused so that ship has sailed unless my GF really wants to which, at this point, I'd say no because we all know that they are just using her and I am not allowing that. My ex wife says I am choosing my girlfriend over our son which I don't feel that I am.

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I feel that I am choosing to teach my son that listening to his mother and acting like her will cause him to face consequences down the road. I even talked to my GF and she says she doesn't feel comfortable being at home with a 15 year old that practically hated her, and it just be them two, knowing how he and his mother can be.

She said if things were different and they had a great relationship, she wouldn't mind but not this way. I support her and I don't want her to feel uncomfortable either. My Son comes over every other weekend and this isn't even our weekend either. So , you all tell me.

Family therapist Dr. Laura Markham explains, “Setting clear boundaries in blended family situations is essential for maintaining healthy relationships. When one parent consistently undermines the other’s efforts to create a stable environment, it sends a harmful message to the children.”

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Meanwhile, social psychologist Dr. Robert Cialdini emphasizes that, “It is important for children to understand that there are consequences to actions, and that loyalty to one parent should not come at the cost of personal well-being. In this case, the father’s decision reflects his effort to protect his new relationship while also teaching his son about accountability.”

Both experts agree that while the situation is undoubtedly complex, establishing boundaries—even if it creates temporary discord—is crucial for long-term emotional health and stability.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit community has largely rallied behind the man’s decision. Many commenters assert that his refusal to merge his new relationship with his ex-wife’s demands is both reasonable and necessary. One user remarked, “If his ex-wife doesn’t want her son to be left alone, she should cancel her plans instead of forcing him into a situation that compromises everyone’s well-being.”

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Another echoed, “He’s not choosing one over the other; he’s choosing a peaceful environment for his home and teaching his son that disrespectful behavior has consequences.” While some critics suggest that this might strain his relationship with his son, the prevailing sentiment is that establishing boundaries in a challenging co-parenting situation is an essential part of moving forward.

Ok_Play2364 − Your ex says YOU'RE choosing your GF over your son? That's rich. She's choosing a NEW man over her son

emptynest_nana − I would ask the ex how she can choose some new d**k over her son, she knows you are unavailable and still wants a raunchy weekend to get laid knowing her teen is scared of being alone.. NTA

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needs-a-nap − How exactly have you chosen your girlfriend over your son? It's not actually YOUR decision whether your son stays with your girlfriend. It's hers. You couldn't force her to watch him even if you agreed with your ex. It's good that you told your ex no, and are supporting your girlfriend's decision, but this wasn't your choice to make. So definitely don't feel guilty over it. You're not the a**hole because you didn't force your child on someone. Your ex is for attempting this.

she_who_knits − NTA. It's asking for trouble to have a poorly mannered 15 year old in the house with your gf when you are not present.. You are not choising one over the other, you are choosing peace and safety for both. For all you know this is a set up for false accusations because the ex and son want to break you up.

tonyrains80 − 100% NTA. You and your gf did your best to be nice but your ex and your son chose to not accept her. That's on them. They chose to be rude to you & your gf. It also takes a lot of gall on your ex's part to suddenly say your son is going to your house because she wants to have s** with a new bf. F that. Let her and her new f**k buddy get a hotel room. You and your gf didn't deserve to be treated that way and until they change I wouldn't do anything extra for them.

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calacmack − NTA. If your ex doesn't want your son to be at home alone then she should cancel her plans because it's not your weekend to watch him - the co-parenting is between you and your wife and has nothing to do with your girlfriend. The fact that they don't get along just strengthens your position, however ultimately this is a secondary issue. Edited for typo.

Egbert_64 − This woman divorced you for her coworker. And now she is angry that you have a girlfriend? She is toxic and is wrong for brainwashing your son. Hopefully as he grows up he will realize you were to innocent victim in that divorce. NTA.

Ironmike11B − NTA.

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Kadajko − Did you ever explain to your son that your ex-wife left you for another man? Because I feel he would be more understanding and accepting of your new gf if he knew that, unless he already knows.

BlueGreen_1956 − NTA. It's amazing how your ex-wife has no use for your GF until it benefits her to do so. (And that she wants her to watch Sean is so she can go get some D should show Sean what kind of mother he has.). You made the right decision.. Sean has to learn that his actions have consequences.

This case raises critical questions about the balance between parental duty and the need to protect one’s personal space and relationships. Is it fair for a parent to refuse additional responsibilities simply because they compromise the harmony of a new relationship?

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Can strict boundaries help foster a healthier long-term dynamic, or will they only serve to alienate a child further? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—your insights may help others grappling with similar dilemmas in blended family situations.

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