Terrified Granddaughter Wants to Secretly Install Cameras in Her 90-Year-Old Grandmother’s House for ‘Peace of Mind’

We all know that suffocating feeling of carrying the weight of an aging relative’s safety entirely on our own shoulders. For one devoted granddaughter, the weekly two-hour drives to visit her fiercely independent, 90-year-old grandmother have pushed her to a breaking point. Trapped between her grandmother’s manipulative guilt trips and her family’s complete withdrawal, she is contemplating a desperate measure to ease her anxiety.

Caring for an elderly loved one is a noble task, but when it is accompanied by severe emotional manipulation and a total lack of support from other family members, it quickly transforms into an unsustainable burden. This young woman finds herself at a crossroads where her own mental health is deteriorating rapidly. She is forced to choose between respecting her grandmother’s absolute right to privacy and ensuring her physical safety through covert surveillance. As the sole caregiver bearing this immense weight, her desperation has led her to a controversial plan that could either save her grandmother’s life or permanently destroy their relationship. Want the juicy details of this heartbreaking dilemma? Read on — the original post tells it all.

Terrified Granddaughter Wants to Secretly Install Cameras in Her 90-Year-Old Grandmother’s House for 'Peace of Mind'

AITA if I secretly place cameras in grandmas house?

The granddaughter sets the scene by describing her grandmother’s fragile mental state and isolated living situation. Living two hours away, the 90-year-old struggles with severe, undiagnosed mental health issues that manifest as paranoia, intense jealousy, and manipulative behavior.

Would I be the AH if I install a hidden camera in my grandma's house without telling her or my family? Just in her living room. My grandma (90F) currently...

She gets around very well for her age, but unfortunately, she struggles with mental health issues and has for most of her life. She can be very paranoid and prone...

Here, the emotional blackmail takes center stage, illustrating the intense psychological manipulation the granddaughter endures weekly. Despite her patience, the constant guilt trips and threats of driving dangerously leave her feeling completely overwhelmed and desperate for a solution.

I’m currently driving two hours every weekend to go see her, and it’s very hard with work and also extremely mentally draining for me. But my parents, aunts, and uncles...

She is constantly guilt-tripping her kids into visiting, then lashes out, argues, or ridicules them when they finally do. I'm usually very patient with her, and part of why we...

I’d only put one in her living room. She would go insane if she found out; she'd blame her kids, or she’d accuse them of stealing or spying. My family...

If I dare say I can’t take her shopping or stay the night, she pulls the one card she knows I can’t deny: "Okay, I guess I’ll just try to...

Or she goes, "Oh, I understand, you’re too busy for me, just know I love you," or when it’s really bad, "You’d all be better off without me. " Now,...

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I’ve tried to blame a lot of it on her age or dementia, but I’m learning much of this is sadly who she’s been her entire life. I’ve always had...

She’s not on good terms with anybody other than me currently. My father has been the best out of his siblings, but he’s fed up. I’ll give him credit, though—he’s...

I know she’s still mourning Grandpa. I know she’s lonely and we need to visit more. But currently, I’m the only one in this family putting in any effort, and...

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A real-time text message from the grandmother perfectly highlights the manipulative guilt trips that trigger the granddaughter’s anxiety. Faced with the prospect of being alone for a weekend, the grandmother immediately resorts to dramatic, guilt-inducing statements about her own mortality.

EDIT: I didn't expect this to get the response it did. I was very emotional while typing this and left out a lot of what I meant to say. While...

I tried to explain to her that I had an appointment this weekend and wasn’t sure I could make it up, and she responded: "I understand. I don’t think I’ll...

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" This is the stuff that upsets me and what happened to prompt me to make this post in the beginning because I knew I’d get a response like that....

I know it’s going to be me who finds her eventually, and I just don’t feel prepared for that day to come. I’d like to know if she’s acting differently...

Community Opinions

The Reddit community was nearly unanimous in their disapproval, warning the granddaughter that her plan was both highly illegal and a massive breach of trust.

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u/EndielXenon
This would be a massive invasion of privacy, and thus, YTA.
Additionally, what you're contemplating doing is probably a crime.

She’d accuse them of stealing or spying Well, putting a camera up without her knowing would be spying, so she’d be right on that I don’t blame you or your...

u/PanAmFlyer
YTA "She can be very paranoid." and you want to hide cameras in her house???

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u/sleepy_brain_333 She's either a competent adult in which case putting a secret camera in her house is a super illegal and gross violation of her privacy or she's mentally unsound...

u/Pristine_Nectarine19
If you’re on good terms with her, then ask her.
Otherwise no.
Who is taking care of her bills and affairs? 

u/bearhug7602 YTA if you put up cameras. I hear where you're coming from, but doing that would be breaking her trust and a whole lot of other things that would...

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u/Jewbacca_429
YTA. More importantly in most places this would be a crime.

u/MalibuBon I wouldn't put up a camera, I'd check to see if there are any resources in her community to help her. Can you talk to her doctor and express...

u/dontygrimm
Dude... yta and not a smart one.
This is highly illegal and incredibly intrusive.
Period...you say she has mental health issues you need to look in a mirror

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u/Significant_Cup4521
“I hate to violate her autonomy or my family’s wishes.
But I need this for me.”
Really says it all, and it sounds like you know better.
YTA.

u/anglflw
Yes, YTA
And maybe she needs to understand that this is what happens when you're s*** to your kids their entire lives.

u/valbuscrumbledore YTA. Odds she'd find them are pretty good, too, so that'd send her into a spiral. A better route to ensure she has care would be trying to file...

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u/Chance-Grapefruit149
YTA. You have absolutely no right to install cameras at your grandmother's place.

u/Ippus_21 Yeah, no. YWBTA She's 90, OP. Not to be callous, but she's one fall in the tub or bad flu from a terminal hospital stay. Just let her have...

u/SimpleAd1548 Just because people are old doesn’t mean we get to override their wishes. Putting cameras up without consent is incredibly illegal and violating. How would you feel if you...

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A few commenters urged the granddaughter to step back and realize that she cannot sacrifice her own mental health to manage her grandmother's refusal of care.

Navigating the twilight years of a vulnerable relative is agonizing. While the granddaughter’s desire for a safety net comes from deep love and anxiety, secretly filming an adult in their own home strips them of their basic human dignity. If you are struggling with similar dynamics, learning about setting boundaries might help.

Do you think installing the camera is a justifiable act of protection, or is it an unforgivable invasion of privacy? And how would you handle the burden of being the sole caregiver in this situation? Share your hot take below!

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