He Begged to Open Their Relationship, but Threw a Tantrum When Her “Score” Left His in the Dust

We all know that moment when a partner’s sudden, insecure whim threatens to upend years of shared trust. For one 25-year-old woman, a bizarre request from her fiancĂ© turned their stable relationship into an unexpected competitive arena. After her partner suffered a blow to his ego over a friend’s boastful conquests, he pressured her into an open relationship.

Reluctantly, she agreed just to keep the peace. But what started as a desperate bid to soothe his pride quickly backfired, leaving her fiancé completely overwhelmed by the reality of his own creation. Curious how this mismatched romantic experiment unfolded? The full story is right below.

He Begged to Open Their Relationship, but Threw a Tantrum When Her "Score" Left His in the Dust

Fiancé (27m) wanted to try an open relationships, not my first choice but I agreed. Now he's throwing a tantrum that my "bodycount" is 20x his and wants to add rules. Is it time to just cut my losses and move on? (I'm 25)

We’ve all been there—watching a partner make a life-altering decision based entirely on a temporary bruise to their ego. When insecurity takes the wheel, rational boundaries are often the first things thrown out the window.

I've been with my fiancé for four years.

I love him and used to respect him, but his recent fixation on this dumb subject has really hurt my respect.

He proposed 1.5 years ago, and I said yes.

About a year ago, he found out his friend had slept with 100 women prior to getting engaged.

Somehow, this affected his psyche, and he proposed an open relationship.

At first, I was disgusted by the thought, but I agreed after he threw a major meltdown.

So, I started going out with friends.

The first few guys, I was so nervous because I'd been with only two guys (including my fiancé) prior.

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But after I got over the nerves, I realized that when there's no pressure to start a relationship, I'm really good at picking up dudes and sending vibes that I'm...

I've actually met several off Reddit as well.

I've been with 42 guys in the past year.

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I never thought it would happen, but I've enjoyed myself immensely.

Honestly, though, I'd be ready to stop now.

The stark gap between a husband-to-be’s fantasies of endless conquest and the reality of modern dating markets quickly set in. While he struggled to find matches, his fiancĂ©e found unexpected success, completely flipping the dynamic.

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But as it turns out, my fiancé is not good at it, and he's had two really bad hookups from dating apps.

When we were having our "where are we" discussion, he had another meltdown when he found out how many guys I've been with.

He kept repeating, "You've slept with 20 times the number I have? 20 TIMES!"

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I said maybe we should just stop.

He said no, that he wasn't ready, but now he wants to impose a "rule" that I have to take a break until he gets to 10.

Then, I can go out and meet someone new every five new girls he sleeps with.

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To me, this is goddamn ridiculous.

Part of the fun of this was the independence and not checking in.

Now, he literally wants me to keep a log, and then when he hits an "achievement," I can do my thing.

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How s*** is that?

And in all honesty, I don't want a relationship where we have to compare numbers, let alone f*** other people.

I want a normal life with kids, a house, and a dog.

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What are we supposed to say? "I'll watch the kids until you f*** five women, then it's my night!" Is it time to just say enough is enough and move...

The emotional fallout of a shattered ego quickly devolved from petty rule-making into hostile, aggressive lashing out. What began as a foolish romantic experiment rapidly transformed into a volatile situation that threatened her safety.

Update: I guess I made the front page yesterday.

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Whatever, well I read responses well into the morning yesterday while my now ex-fiancé absolutely blew up my phone, alternating between calling me a w*** and a c***, asking me...

He also peppered the barrage with things like, "What's going to happen to us after this?" I finally fell asleep at 3 AM.

After finally admitting to myself that I needed to break things off with him, I called in sick to work.

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I went to my fiancé's house, asked to come in, and told him we had to talk.

He said we did.

But as a testament to his out-of-control ego, he prefaced his part of the conversation with, "I want you to know in advance, I MAY not be ready to accept...

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I just told him, "It's over between us."

His look of surprise was a combination of pathetic and amusing because even after calling me all sorts of gendered slurs for the better part of a few hours, he...

He begged to know why.

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I told him he had to know why, and I tried to leave.

I had no desire to talk to him, but he kept trying to block me and grab my arm.

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I finally told him that if he didn't let go, I was going to call the police.

He finally relented, but as I was trying to drive away, he came out and started punching my driver's side window.

It was terrifying, but it didn't break.

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Between leaving his place and getting to mine, he texted and called dozens of times.

I just blocked him and deleted the whole conversation without reading it.

I had the ring in my pocket and planned on giving it back, but now I'm too scared to go see him.

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I mailed the ring back, started therapy, and I'm looking at starting over single for a long time.

This distressing escalation reveals how fragile, ego-driven demands can quickly spiral into toxic control and physical intimidation. This dynamic is a classic example of what relationship therapists call “coercive opening.” When one partner utilizes emotional outbursts to force a shift from monogamy to non-monogamy, it fundamentally undermines the core tenets of healthy relationship boundaries.

According to relationship experts and sociological research on consensual non-monogamy, successful open dynamics require radical honesty, deep trust, and a baseline of secure attachment. When a relationship is opened up as a competitive sport to soothe a partner’s insecurity, it almost always ends in disaster. Furthermore, the fiancĂ©’s assumption that he would easily find casual partners while his fiancĂ©e struggled highlights a common cultural blind spot.

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Sociological data shows that women seeking casual encounters generally face a much higher volume of interest than men on mainstream dating platforms. When reality shattered his fantasy, the fiancĂ© resorted to controlling behaviors and emotional abuse, attempting to institute a “handicap” system to regain dominance. For anyone navigating a similar crossroad, the most critical step is recognizing that physical intimidation—such as blocking exits or punching car windows—is an absolute dealbreaker. Security and personal safety must always take precedence over preserving history.

Community Opinions

The Reddit community was overwhelmingly supportive of the original poster, with many pointing out the hilarious irony of her fiancé's backfired plan alongside deep concern for her safety.

u/Specken_zee_Doitch This is called “breaking up in slow motion”, any straight dude that thinks he’ll have more success than a straight or bisexual woman when it comes to sexual experience...

u/Snoo52682
LOL bro thought it was like golf and he could make her play with a handicap

u/SaltMerchantMorbier The classic progression of dudes thinking they’ll get with an insane number of women only to get out f*** by their partner gains another tally.  Idk how other guys...

It’s pretty well known in the ethical non-monogamy community that women fair much better than guys. A previous partner would meet five guys for every one person I’d meet. It’s...

This is a bit like saying it's well known among the firefighter community houses with functioning sprinkler systems will fare better in a fire than houses with none. The fiancé...

u/BurningBright "but I agreed after he threw a major meltdown"  Ethical Nonmonogamy works for some people,  but not when somone throws a fit to convince their partner to open a...

u/ToxicChildhood Glad she got away when she did. This would have turned out much worse if she stayed. He wouldn’t have hit the window the next time, it would have...

u/ToriaLyons
Run, girl, RUN!
was my first thought, and I continue to think that.
Especially with him getting violent.

u/WellFuckYooou lol a tale as old as time. Man wants to open relationship, women is very reluctant/hurt but relents, man finds that it very difficult to find women who are...

u/diamonte A woman enjoying a varied sex life is “disgracing herself” and yet okay for this dude to hook up with as many people as he could? Did he think...

u/jsher736 if she f*** 42 randos in a year that's averaging a rando every week and a half. which A is impressive if true, B if your FIANCE doesn't notice...

u/Cold_Table8497
"I may not be ready to accept your apology."
"Er... Yeah, about that... there isn't one "

u/bug-hunter I suspect that one reason that men fare worse in open relationships is because they demand them because they are desperate, and that desperation, unsurprisingly, is a turnoff. When...

u/Elegant-Analyst-7381 There had to have been other red flags here. The way she so easily gave in after he threw a tantrum over the open relationship hints at someone who...

u/Snarkan_sas
"I want you to know in advance, I MAY not be ready to accept your apology,” is quite possibly the funniest thing I’ve ever read on Reddit.

u/Jeroclo An open relationship only works when you start the relationship as an open relationship. Otherwise it means. I want to cheat but I don't want you to call it...

While most users celebrated her escape, a few commenters marveled at the sheer audacity of the ex-fiancé expecting an apology after unleashing a wave of verbal abuse.

Walking away from a four-year relationship is never easy, especially when it ends under such volatile circumstances. However, recognizing when a partner’s insecurity has crossed into dangerous territory is a crucial step toward self-preservation. This story serves as a stark reminder that true partnership requires mutual respect, not competitive metrics.

Do you think the fiancé ever truly wanted an open relationship, or was he just looking for an excuse to step out without consequences? And how would you have handled that terrifying final confrontation? Drop your thoughts in the comments below!

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