AITA For Saying I Would Not Sleep With Someone Who Has Incontinence?

We all know that moment when a fun night out suddenly takes an incredibly awkward turn. For one young woman, a simple birthday gathering at a local bar transformed into an uncomfortable battleground of personal boundaries. A complete stranger cornered her with a highly invasive hypothetical question, turning a relaxed evening into a tense public interrogation.

Sitting next to her friend’s boyfriend’s best friend, she expected nothing more than polite, casual small talk. Instead, she was forced to navigate a highly specific scenario regarding physical intimacy and medical accidents. When she responded with honest vulnerability rather than a polite lie, she was met with immediate hostility and persistent personal insults.

The awkward confrontation ruined the celebratory atmosphere, leaving her to wonder if she had committed a massive social faux pas. Was she simply the target of someone else’s deeply rooted insecurities? Want to know how this bizarre encounter unfolded and why it sparked such a heated debate? The full story is right below.

AITA For Saying I Would Not Sleep With Someone Who Has Incontinence?

AITA because I wouldn't sleep with someone with incontinence?

This is a personal story. (Sorry, English is not my native language. ) A few years ago, when I was in my mid-20s, a friend (L. ) invited me to...

As I arrived later, there was just one seat free next to the latter, so I sat down there. He didn't seem very happy about it and leaned far away...

approached me and asked me a hypothetical question: "Imagine you pick up a guy and go home with him. There you want to have sex, but just before you do,...

" I thought about it seriously and, as I like to give honest answers, replied that I probably couldn't handle it at all, would apologize, and leave. Looking back, I...

Suddenly, he started to pick on me. The whole evening, he nagged me and kept repeating what a superficial person I was. I couldn't say anything in his presence without...

In fact, I was pretty much speechless most of the time. When my friend overheard this, she just said that she agreed with me. But he didn't say anything to...

I mean, I have my preferences in partners, of course, but everyone has them. And aren't you allowed to have those too? I mean, what does he expect me to...

And who would be so rude to someone they don't even know? I'm sorry if the story doesn't make too much sense. I'm still angry and sad about it, even...

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Reading about this awkward barroom interrogation, it is easy to see how a simple hypothetical question can cross the line. When the man posed such a specific scenario, he was likely externalizing his own deep-seated anxieties regarding dating and intimacy. By framing a personal vulnerability as a hypothetical, he attempted to seek easy validation from a stranger.

However, when the original poster offered her candid response, it shattered his hope of reassurance, triggering a defensive reaction. According to relationship experts, projecting personal anxieties onto others through social hostility is an unhealthy defense mechanism. Experts emphasize that sexual compatibility and personal comfort are paramount, and no one is obligated to compromise their comfort to protect an ego.

Attempting to guilt-trip someone into violating their physical comfort zone is a severe breach of healthy social dynamics. To navigate such tense situations, communication specialists suggest practicing establishing healthy boundaries early on. When faced with invasive questions, it is perfectly acceptable to deflect with a neutral statement or simply remove yourself entirely.

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Furthermore, public settings like bars often amplify social pressure, making it harder for individuals to assert themselves. When someone uses a group environment to corner another person, they rely on social politeness to prevent a scene. Recognizing this manipulative tactic is crucial for protecting your emotional well-being and maintaining control over your personal space.

Community Opinions

The Reddit community rallied behind the original poster, overwhelmingly declaring her not the asshole while pointing out a massive red flag in the man's behavior.

u/VIgirlkarmas_momma
It wasn’t hypothetical.
He’s incontinent and wanted to sleep with you.
When you said no, he got BIG MAD…

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u/Turbulent-Mind796 NTA- Pretty sure this was not a hypothetical. He is incontinent and hoping that you would sleep with him. To me, you are perfectly within your rights to feel...

u/kahn-jr “Hey everyone! This dude won’t tongue punch my fart box because I have no control over my bowels!” OPs much nicer than me, because I would put this mf...

u/Number5MoMo NTA. This wasn’t hypothetical. He literally asked the “hypothetically would this dress make “a person” look fat” and got mad when you said “yes”. It was him. He has...

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u/Banana_Pepper07 NTA. Or maybe, instead of actually being incontinent, it is a kink of his and instead of asking for consent, he blames it on a medical condition so that...

u/thefupachalupa OP, you’re not an AH. I’m a mid 30s male with urinary incontinence issues and he was not throwing a hypothetical your way. You did nothing wrong other than...

u/Knadin Let’s normalize leaving places, events, or situations where we don’t feel comfortable. I see waaay too many situations that could’ve stopped escalating if we trusted our gut and left...

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u/Just_Me1973
I agree with everyone saying this wasn’t a hypothetical question.
This was about him being incontinent and wanting to have sex with you.

u/Martha90815 Dating is not equal opportunity. Sex is SIGNIFICANTLY less so! You're allowed to have preferences (and standards) and there's nothing that says he needs to be in agreement with...

u/ImBabyBitch021
Not a hypothetical and the reason he didn't get mad at your friend was bc he didn't wanna sleep with them.

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u/Loose_Play_982
If he keeps bugging you just say “I get that you’re into scat play, but I’m not. Sorry.”

u/Iliveinthissoultrap2 Actually I believe most people will agree with you as having sex is a very intimate and personal affair. It’s your choice of who you sleep with and if...

u/tanlladwyr2003
He has a wife you know. Would you like to know her name? It's incontinentia. Incontinentia Buttocks

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u/VenaticBoat NTA. As someone with on and off urinary incontinence, I’ve worried about what other people would think about it. It makes me feel like a bit of a freak...

u/FionaTheFierce NTA. And I think the vast majority of people would pass on a hook-up that included the possibility of s*** the bed. Wanting to avoid being pooped on or...

A few commenters also pointed out that living with chronic conditions is difficult, but using them to guilt-trip strangers crosses a major line.

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Navigating the complex world of dating and physical intimacy requires a delicate balance of empathy, honesty, and self-protection. While living with a chronic medical condition presents genuine challenges in the dating pool, everyone retains the absolute right to choose their partners based on their own comfort levels. Healthy relationships are built on mutual comfort and enthusiastic consent, not guilt or social obligation.

No one should ever feel pressured to say yes just to spare another person’s feelings. Do you think the man was using a hypothetical scenario to test her boundaries, or was he just incredibly insecure? And how would you handle someone cornering you with a highly personal question in a public setting? Drop your thoughts in the comments.

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