AITAH for telling my mom she’s the reason my life is ruined?

We all know that moment when a casual family conversation suddenly hits a deeply buried nerve. For one 28-year-old woman, a simple chat about wedding dresses cracked open decades of medical trauma, forced decisions, and a grueling battle with her weight.

Raised in a strict household where studying trumped physical activity, she battled severe health conditions and survived a traumatic, parent-mandated marriage. Now in a healthier place, a single cruel remark from her mother about her body size shattered her restraint, bringing years of childhood trauma rushing to the surface. Curious how it all unfolded? The full story is right below.

Mom Claims Fat People Don't Deserve Nice Dresses, Daughter Blames Her for a Lifetime of Medical Trauma

AITAH for telling my mom she's the reason my life is ruined?

The foundation of her struggle was laid early, boxed into a sedentary lifestyle where academic pressure entirely eclipsed physical well-being.

I'm a 28-year-old female, 5'7, and currently weigh around 210 pounds (95kg).

I've been overweight almost all my life, along with all four of my brothers and both my parents.

We were never allowed to go out to play as kids, and since we belonged to a middle-class Asian family, most of our childhood was spent studying with zero physical...

All five of us have been on diets since we grew up, succeeding to lose weight at different levels.

I developed a hormonal disorder called PCOS around the time I was 14.

For those of you that don't know, PCOS makes it extremely hard for you to lose weight.

I still managed to lose about 30kgs at 21 to 24 years of age through extreme diet and exercise.

I even developed an ED towards the end of it.

ADVERTISEMENT

Surviving the physical toll of a miscarriage was only compounded by the emotional devastation of a forced, abusive union.

During that same period, my parents forced me into a marriage against my will.

The marriage turned out to be abusive and horrible, just as I had known it would, but I got pregnant.

ADVERTISEMENT

I lost the pregnancy at about four months of gestation.

I got very weak from it and was brought to my parents' house, where I finally filed for a divorce.

I regained all the weight I had lost from trying to recover physically and mentally.

ADVERTISEMENT

I recently got remarried and have been trying to lose weight the healthy way (strength training and calorie deficit), but with PCOS and all, it's been extremely taxing.

I also recently got diagnosed with Adenomyosis, which is also an extremely painful condition that I developed from having a traumatic miscarriage.

A seemingly innocent conversation about clothes rapidly dissolved into a targeted attack on her core insecurities.

ADVERTISEMENT

Last week, I visited my parents' house.

While going through the closet for a dress, we were casually chatting about how my sister-in-law's parents got her the nicest dresses as gifts for her marriage to my brother...

My mother took it as an attack on her for not getting me any nice dresses and snapped, saying, "Well, we didn't get you anything nice because you're just so...

ADVERTISEMENT

"Women like your SIL will be able to wear these dresses for years to come, but yours will be unwearable in a year or two."

"Nice things are for fit people."

I already hold a lot of resentment towards my parents for forcing an abusive marriage on me, and it takes a lot of self-control to still be nice to them....

ADVERTISEMENT

"Unhealthy parents make unhealthy children, and you made us all obese."

I said it's her fault that I have PCOS and now Adenomyosis, and my life looks like hell as compared to my peers.

To this, she started crying and saying things like, "Yeah, you want us to just die, we did so much for you, and you'll always be ungrateful," etc., etc.

ADVERTISEMENT

Everyone in my family thinks I crossed the line, but I didn't talk to her until we left.

I cried a lot on the way home, too.

Now I never want to go back, and I don't feel like I have any parents or a home left.

ADVERTISEMENT

She expects me to apologize.

When exploring the deeply entrenched pain in this story, the link between family environments and chronic illness becomes undeniable. Generational trauma often manifests not just in emotional scars, but in concrete physical health outcomes. When parents enforce strict, sedentary lifestyles and prioritize academic perfection over holistic well-being, children are left to battle the consequences for decades.

According to Dr. Gretchen Kubacky, a health psychologist specializing in PCOS, the stress of a toxic family environment can directly exacerbate the condition. The medical complexities of managing hormonal disorders and Adenomyosis are exhausting enough without the added burden of family judgment. Furthermore, navigating toxic family dynamics while recovering from an abusive, arranged marriage requires immense psychological resilience.

ADVERTISEMENT

Clinical studies show that physical healing is often stalled when a person remains in an environment that constantly triggers their nervous system. For those in similar situations, creating firm boundaries or limiting contact can be a crucial first step toward healing. Seeking trauma-informed therapy can also help untangle the complex guilt projected by family members.

This story leaves us navigating the messy intersection of physical health, family obligation, and the lasting impact of childhood environments. Setting boundaries with family is rarely a clean break, especially when deep-seated medical and emotional trauma is involved.

Do you think she was justified in finally snapping back at her mother’s cruel remarks, or did her resentment push the confrontation too far? And how should one handle parents who refuse to acknowledge the long-term damage of their parenting choices? Share your thoughts below!

ADVERTISEMENT

Community Opinions

Reddit came in hot, with nearly unanimous support for the author’s boundary-setting, though a few voices urged her to focus on future accountability rather than past blame.

u/TheWhogg NTA. Objectively, my parents did cause my problems. When my mum died at 12, my life improved. When my dad ceased parenting at 14 (the alternative if he didn’t...

u/Impossible-Most-366 NTA, not letting kids play and run is actually abuse. Kids NEED movement! The rest it clear by itself. You’re suffering now, but focus on your true family now:...

ADVERTISEMENT

u/panikitty NTA but the main thing here is that she forced you into a marriage that led to damage to your health. That's pretty unforgivable.

u/NoMoreFruit Honestly OP I don’t think it’s healthy for you to be in a close relationship with your parents right now. I know there’s probably a lot of cultural pressure...

ADVERTISEMENT

u/StunningHealth7016 NTA - unfortunately that’s typical behaviour from desi families. I am also obese as sports was actively discouraged. My girls are learning swimming and taekwondo as I want them...

u/JenniMcLarenArt OP, as a fellow PCOS sufferer I hear and see you and I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Having this condition sucks. NTA, you've been trying so...

u/Cheap_Try_5592 You’re a victim of narcissistic abuse. Hang in there and get some counselling to come to terms with the fact you no longer have parents. There are ways to...

ADVERTISEMENT

u/ponderingDaily You're an adult now. Despite your childhood, that's behind you. What you do in life is your responsibility now. It may be true that your mom is responsible for...

u/ellenripleyisanicon Perhaps stepping away from family for a while would be good for you. Focus on yourself and your health. What your mother said to you was unnecessarily cruel, but...

u/Puzzled-Dream1321 Your parents are abusive. \- You didn't play outside as a kid. \- You didn't practice a sport as a kid. \- This sedentary lifestyle led to health problems....

ADVERTISEMENT

u/Capital_Material_689 Reddit opened my eyes on some cultures....forcing someone to marry someone is modern slavery...I consider my self lucky for living in EU country. This is horrible and you shouldn't...

u/TrunksTheMighty I'd say no contact forever.  It'll hurt for a while, but that hurt will soon turn into relief. 

u/Z_603 You're 28. Get a therapist and take control of your life.

ADVERTISEMENT

u/MissMenace101 She they and all of society are responsible for your weight. Both the issues you carry add weight issues alone, abusive relationships which you have a plenty add weight...

u/Dawnitt NTA for what your family has done to you in the past. But YTA for not becoming responsible and accountable. My mom is also a narcissist that never allowed...

A handful of readers gently reminded her that while her parents undeniably shaped her past, she now holds the power to shape her own healing journey.

Breaking free from deeply ingrained family expectations is never a clean or painless process. The clash between honoring cultural ties and protecting one’s own mental health leaves many feeling entirely isolated.

Do you think her mother’s cruel comment warranted such a harsh historical reckoning, or did the author cross a line by blaming her parents for her medical conditions? And if you were in her shoes, would you attempt to repair the relationship or walk away for good?

Share your hot take below!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *