AITA for not wanting to throw a baby shower for my friend who dealt with infertility?

Friendships often go through complicated phases, especially when life milestones begin to pull people in different directions. In one close group of six women, most had already started families while one friend had been quietly struggling with infertility for years. Out of respect, the group tried to keep conversations balanced, carefully avoiding overwhelming topics about children.

Still, tensions slowly built over time. Small moments—baby photos, casual parenting talk, even breastfeeding at a gathering—sparked uncomfortable reactions. Eventually the friendship cooled down. Now the twist: the friend who once felt hurt by these moments is finally pregnant and has asked the poster to throw her baby shower. The request has reopened old wounds, leaving the poster wondering whether she should step up for the celebration or protect her own feelings instead.

The situation started with a friend group trying to balance parenting talk and sensitivity.

Things became more complicated after the poster welcomed her daughter and shared newborn photos online.

Another awkward moment unfolded during a holiday gathering with the whole friend group.

Trying to mend things, the poster reached out to apologize after the uncomfortable moment.

Then came the unexpected announcement that shifted the dynamic once again.

Conflicts like this often arise when major life experiences create emotional distance between friends. For the poster, becoming a parent brought joy and new responsibilities. For Amy, years of infertility likely made those same moments painful reminders of what she didn’t yet have. Both experiences can exist at the same time, and the tension often appears when those feelings collide in everyday interactions.

Psychologists say infertility can trigger deep grief and unexpected emotional reactions. According to Dr. Janet Jaffe, a psychologist and co-author of Reproductive Trauma: Psychotherapy with Infertility and Pregnancy Loss Clients, “Infertility is a profound loss that can touch every part of a person’s identity.” Seeing reminders like baby photos or breastfeeding may feel overwhelming to someone in that situation.

At the same time, friendships rely on mutual respect and empathy. The poster made efforts to be considerate by separating parenting discussions and even apologizing after the Friendsgiving moment. When someone repeatedly reacts with criticism or distance, it can slowly erode trust. Feeling reluctant to plan a major celebration for that person afterward is a natural emotional response.

Experts often recommend honest conversations when unresolved tension lingers. Instead of quietly declining, the poster might explain that she is happy for Amy but still hurt by past events. That approach opens the door for acknowledgment and possibly healing. If both friends want to maintain the relationship, discussing expectations, boundaries, and lingering feelings could help rebuild the friendship before a new chapter of motherhood begins.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Many users strongly supported the poster and felt the request was unreasonable after past behavior.

Other commenters offered more balanced takes, suggesting empathy while still understanding the poster’s hesitation.

And a few users tried to lighten the mood with humorous observations about how the situation might evolve.

This situation highlights how complicated friendships can become when people are going through very different life experiences. Years of infertility understandably left Amy sensitive to baby-related moments, while the poster was simply celebrating milestones in her own life as a new parent. Now that Amy is expecting, the request for a baby shower brings those unresolved feelings back to the surface.

The real question may be less about the shower itself and more about whether the friendship can recover from past hurt. Should the poster put those feelings aside for the celebration, or is it reasonable to step back for now? What would you do in this situation?