AITA for kicking out my 17 year old sister in law and sending her to a 3rd world country?

A man’s decision to send his teenage sister-in-law away after months of tension has sparked intense debate online. After taking the 17-year-old into his home to help her finish school, he eventually reached a breaking point when her behavior became increasingly confrontational. The teenager had come from a difficult background. Her mother struggled with addiction and did not want her living at home, while her father lived abroad in a country with fewer opportunities.

The couple agreed to house her under simple conditions: she had to stay in school, behave respectfully, and help around the house. For several months things appeared manageable, but the situation gradually deteriorated. Arguments grew more frequent, school attendance dropped, and the household atmosphere became strained. When a heated confrontation finally erupted, the man made a drastic decision that left his wife furious and the internet deeply divided.

‘AITA for kicking out my 17 year old sister in law and sending her to a 3rd world country?’

A man explains why his wife’s teenage sister came to live with them.

I kicked my wife's teenage sister out of our home a few days ago, and now my wife is barely speaking to me. She came to live with us 10...

and her dad lives in a 3rd world country with limited opportunities. We did this so that she could finish school and our conditions were she had to be respectful...

Over time, the teenager’s behavior reportedly changed and tensions escalated.

After a few months, she started being rude, skipping school, refusing to do chores, and was constantly talking back.

In one of her bits of rage she told me that i was "no one" and that i "wasnt her dad and couldnt boss her around" and slammed the door...

The confrontation ultimately led to a drastic decision about where she would live.

It was the last straw, i told her to pack her things that i was sending her with her dad in the third world country, and i did. Was i...

Family conflicts involving teenagers often become complicated when responsibility is shared between multiple adults. In this situation, the man and his wife took in a teenager who had already experienced instability and rejection from a parent. That background alone can strongly influence behavior and emotional responses.

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Adolescents who come from chaotic environments frequently struggle with authority, boundaries, and trust. Acting out through defiance, skipped responsibilities, or arguments can be a way of expressing frustration, fear, or unresolved trauma. Professionals who work with teenagers in similar circumstances often emphasize the need for structure, counseling, and consistent communication between caregivers.

At the same time, living with a teenager who resists rules can be extremely stressful for the adults providing support. Many guardians reach moments of exhaustion when they feel their efforts are unappreciated or ignored. The tension can grow stronger when household expectations are not being met. The broader issue here is not only the teenager’s behavior but how major decisions about her future were made. When a couple agrees to take responsibility for a minor, decisions that affect that child’s life generally require joint discussion and planning.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Many commenters strongly criticized the poster, arguing the decision was unfair to a vulnerable teenager.

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spaceguitar − From this post, with your comments. .. You are a massive AH. And you know you are; you're just looking for Internet approval. Which, hilariously, speaks **volumes** about...

That's why you chose to **destroy** this teenage girl's future by sending her to live with her father, where her potential for a future is drastically limited; you say this...

You almost gleefully describe how there's no running water or stable electricity. Why would you even write that? You know what it means to send her back like this, and...

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A strong man would have sat down with his wife, communicated his concerns with her, and made a plan for the success of this **child**.

You took on the moral obligation of responsibility when you accepted her into your home, even if you did it just for your wife. She's a teenager, a **child** who,...

Maybe she did more. Maybe she was doing drugs, stealing, not going to therapy, lying, but if she was doing evil stuff like that, why didn't you describe it all?

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You said she was disrespecting you and not going to school. Ooh, what a rebel! Did she hurt your feelings? **YTA** And you know that you are, deep down.

lastfom − You took on a teenager and she started acting like a teenager? What the f__k were you expecting? YTA.

Timmyeveryday − Ngl, you sound like a supreme AH to me. 3rd world country? Sent a 17 year old because of a tantrum. You sound like an entitled p__ck.

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No-Acanthisitta7930 − YTA honestly. She's 17 and sounds like she has had a rough ride of it. Troubled teens need structure not banishment to the oubliette.

Moreover you didnt just take a corrective action you literally shunted her away to a 3rd world country potentially permanently altering her life for the worse.

I'm surprised your wife has not left you actually. Sorry, you came, asked, and received an answer, although maybe not one you like to hear.

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worthallmatter − Sounds like you shouldn’t have gotten involved in the first place if you weren’t committed to helping sadly YTA

Others shared more balanced views, acknowledging both the teenager’s behavior and the importance of joint decisions.

Imaginary-Yak6784 − ESH. Obviously she was being a brat and lost her shot at the opportunity you opened for her.

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But the reason you are also the AH is in your story it sounds like this was a unilateral decision made without your wife’s participation.

If you are married you are a team. I saw a lot of “I” and not much “we” in the story. Which, as a husband, makes you an AH.

KimPossible042 − It sounds like she needed therapy. Her starting to act out after a few months of stability seems pretty on par with "troubled youths" that come from chaotic...

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On top of the fact that her mother was an addict and just "didn't want her." She probably finally came to terms with the implications of that abandonment,

and the feelings of "what's wrong with me that she (her mom) didn't want me" and is projecting. Also, she's a teenager. ..they're little shits.

YTA bc you took in a special needs (emotionally special needs) child and abandoned her at the first sign of trouble. Raising kids is more than giving them " three...

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You also have to take into consideration their emotional/mental needs as well. You should've thought about this before becoming another adult in her life that let her down and traumatized...

lisvid − Which third world country? I feel that’s relevant. I’ve got to say, I’m from and currently living in a third world country and I’m chilling, middle class (including...

we got free healthcare, a really high “happiness” index or some bs like that I forgot, no wars, no starvation, we good. That said, there’s some third world countries that...

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A few commenters reacted with lighter or shorter remarks during the discussion.

Zakal74 − Can I get some clarification, please? When you said, "her mom doesnt want her(she's a d__g addict)," does that mean the daughter is the d__g addict or the...

realmozzarella22 − Do you normally make all of the decisions without your wife?

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This story highlights how complicated family responsibility can become when relatives step in to raise a teenager from a difficult background. The man believed he gave his sister-in-law an opportunity and felt disrespected when she did not follow the rules. Others see the situation differently, arguing that troubled teenagers often need patience and support rather than sudden consequences.

The discussion raises larger questions about responsibility and decision-making within families. When adults agree to care for a teenager, how much patience should they be expected to show during difficult periods? And when a conflict escalates, should major decisions about a child’s future always be made together?

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