AITA for how I reacted to my boyfriend saying my books are cringy?

“I don’t really care, it’s really cringe.” That was all he said — but for a 19-year-old who was excitedly talking about her favorite fantasy series, it landed hard. She and her boyfriend often spent time on calls playing video games together, casually sharing parts of their day. She listened when he talked about his hobbies, even if they weren’t her thing, because she cared about what mattered to him.

So when he interrupted her mid-sentence just to dismiss her book as “cringe,” it wasn’t just about literature anymore. It felt personal. What followed wasn’t just a disagreement — it became a conversation about respect, communication, and whether her reaction was somehow “too emotional.”

‘AITA for how I reacted to my boyfriend saying my books are cringy?’

It all started with something that seemed completely ordinary:

So I (19f) am dating my boyfriend (20m). I recently started rereading the throne of glass series. I get really into it when I read books and I like to...

My boyfriend doesn't read books that often. However he does talk about his hobbies alot and I listen because he enjoys them and I want to show that I care...

Then, during a gaming call, the moment happened:

So yesterday him and I were on a call playing video games together, and I'm talking bout my book. I'm telling him about how a certain character is haunting the...

That really hurt my feelings and made me really unmotivated to keep reading the books. I went quiet for the rest of the game.

I then told him I was going to get off, and he asked me if everything was ok. I said it was, which is where I admit I should have...

Later, after thinking it through, she reached out:

I texted him a little later and asked him how he would feel if he was talking about something he enjoyed and I said I didn't care and found it...

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I told him that it felt really s__tty that he would say that about something I enjoyed. To which he promptly denied saying he didn't care. I told him back...

He added that he meant it as " I haven't read it, and don't plan to, so I don't have any context to care.".

But that explanation didn’t make things better:

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I told him because of how he worded it that's how I was going to process it. To which he left me on delivered until the next morning.. He gave...

Coming up to where this is currently, he didn't really message all day so I kinda knew he was upset with me and when I asked he admitted he was.

When I asked why he said that my reaction didn't really equal what happened. And then added (this is a direct copy and paste) " And immediately going into an...

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That second part feels really like he's trying to deflect the blame back on to me.. I've asked him to talk about that part later.. AITAH for how I reacted?

She later added:

Edit: I'll add that he also interupted what I was saying to tell me he didn't care and that it was cringy

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Edit 2: he's normally really good with me and reading, he'll take me to bookstores to look around and such, sure he'll make the occasional joke but this is the...

Update: him and I just called to discuss it. And in the end I told him I needed some space for a little while.

At first glance, this may seem like a small disagreement about books. But the deeper issue isn’t about fantasy novels — it’s about how partners handle each other’s passions. Clinical psychologist Dr. John Gottman, founder of The Gottman Institute, has famously identified contempt as one of the most destructive behaviors in relationships. Mocking, belittling, or dismissive language can create emotional distance far faster than a simple disagreement.

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The boyfriend may have meant he wasn’t personally interested. But “I don’t really care, it’s really cringe” carries judgment. Words matter — especially when they’re directed at something that clearly brings your partner joy. Later, when he criticized her for “immediately going into an emotional response,” it may have felt like her feelings were being minimized rather than understood.

At the same time, she admits she didn’t immediately express how hurt she felt. Honest, timely communication often prevents misunderstandings from spiraling. Addressing hurt feelings in the moment — calmly and directly — can create space for clarity rather than escalation.

Ultimately, this isn’t about forcing shared interests. It’s about whether both people feel respected. A simple response like, “It’s not really my thing, but I like hearing you talk about it,” could have changed everything. And if one partner consistently feels dismissed, that’s worth serious reflection.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The community quickly voiced a range of strong opinions, many argued that the lack of respect was at the heart of the problem:

Nester1953 − Couples don't have to have the exact same interests (although I hope you two share some interests), but with passionate interests, it doesn't really work if there's a...

If your BF simply wasn't interested in your reading, then you'd have to decide if that was something you could handle in a partner.

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But your partner didn't just express disinterest, he condemned you interests. He said your interest in the books you're reading is cringe. Then he made it worse when he explained...

This is not a man who respects your interests, or who cares about the impact of his very unkind and condemnatory words and put downs. Red flag! !!! NTA

Others saw signs of emotional manipulation:

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No-Strawberry-5804 − My husband doesn’t give a f__k about my books or my TV shows but you bet your ass he sits and listens to me explain every twist and...

And the gaslighting! Just wait until he does this about something that actually matters. You can do better than this. NTA.

Some people have frankly advised that the relationship should be reconsidered:

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Merrik4t − NTA but instead of trying to work out how you can force yourself to tolerate his selfishness and disrespect you’ll be saving yourself a lot of time and...

who he is actually sucks, and you should be trying to find someone who isn’t so dishonest and n__ty that they’d a) say all that mess to you, and then...

A lengthy comment analyzing his behavior:

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SheepPup − NTA And listen to him the first time, listen to what actually came out of his mouth. He said he didn’t care, and that what you like is...

He said it and then got angry and defensive when confronted about it and made up some b__lshit to try and excuse it. If he had actually said something that...

He doesn’t actually feel sorry for what he said, he doesn’t feel sorry for hurting you, he does think it’s dumb and cringe and he doesn’t care, he just wants...

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It’s up to you to decide how you want to respond to that but personally I’d have a hard look at the rest of his behavior. Is this a one...

Does he support your interests and hobbies even when he doesn’t share them? Does he enjoy seeing you happy about them? Is he generally supportive and empathetic about your needs...

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Or is this careless cruelty and dismissal part of a larger pattern of only caring about himself and the things he already finds interesting and what you can do for...

Short but sharp responses also appeared:

HellyOHaint − “That really hurt my feelings and made me really unmotivated to keep reading” See, what his cruel words SHOULD make you do is feel unmotivated to keep dating...

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Why would you want to date someone who makes you feel small? There’s no point in being in a relationship with someone who makes you feel this way. Your hobby...

Don’t ever drop it for someone. Keep being you and look for people who actually like you.

No_Research550 − He added that he meant it as " I haven't read it, and don't plan to, so I don't have any context to care. ".

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If he actually did mean that, the normal response to your partner would be "Mmmm" or something neutral. You don't have to enjoy your partners hobbies, but you can politely...

What he DID do was dismiss your hobby as crappy, and you as pathetic for enjoying it. You are NTA, and your bf is a jerk.

ReadMeDrMemory − NTA. The DARVO is real. Sounds like you might be happier with a partner who shared more of your interests, had a sensibility more like yours, and empathized...

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I'm sure he doesn't always behave this badly, but you seem to be giving more than you're getting.

Antique_Peach8935 − nta but your bf is stupid. don't marry him. be well

Turbulent_Cow2355 − That series is garbage but your boyfriend should not tell you to your face. NTA

Just-Context-4703 − Life is too short to be with incurious dumb asses. Dump him and find someone else. NTA

KaliTheBlaze − NTA. You don’t have to share all of your partner’s interests and hobbies to have a good relationship, but you do have to respect them. I make a...

But he’ll admire and squish yarn with me, and he admires my finished pieces in any media, and prizes the things I make for him.

My husband loves high level math, and the last math class I took was the one I needed to fulfill my college/university general education requirement, because I got burned out...

But I listen when he talks about the history of math and things he thinks are interesting but don’t require high level math knowledge to understand.

(He’s not always right that I know enough about math to understand, but I try! ) Your boyfriend hasn’t learned yet that you can be uninterested in a thing without...

He may never - there’s a disturbingly large subset of people who feel the need to cut down, attack, or mock anything that they don’t enjoy. It’s worth looking for...

Sergeant_Static − NTA - Your boyfriend should be able to take responsibility for what he says without being dismissive or deflecting.

Significant-Bat-1168 − You are 19. You don't have to put up with this. You are allowed to want someone who is respectful to your interests.

My husband could could less of a f__k about some of the stuff I'm onto, and me him, but we listen to each other talk about it. Ask questions, buy...

I would never ever dare call something he likes cringe, or him me.

Impossible_Turn_7627 − NTA. Your boyfriend has a lot to learn. .. and may not be ready for you.

buzzfeed_sucks − NTA. You deserve a partner who cares about what brings you joy. Not someone who ridicules it.

A single word might sound insignificant, but how it’s handled afterward reveals a level of respect. In this case, what hurt the girl wasn’t just the “cringe,” but the feeling of being belittled and accused of overreacting.

What do you think? Was this just a verbal misunderstanding between two young people, or a sign of a deeper disconnect in how they perceive each other’s feelings?

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