AITA for telling my dad his weird comment affected me?

A young woman recently shared a painful memory involving her father and the comments he used to make about her body while she was growing up. During her teenage years, she gained some weight, and instead of support, she says she often received criticism and mocking remarks from him. One particular comment stayed with her for years and continued to affect how she saw herself.

Recently, after her father casually mentioned her past weight again, she finally told him how deeply his words had hurt her. Instead of acknowledging the impact, he brushed off the conversation and questioned why she was bringing it up so many years later. The exchange left her wondering whether she had done something wrong by speaking up.

‘AITA for telling my dad his weird comment affected me?’

The poster described how comments about her body began during her teenage years.

at the start of puberty I (f23) gained what I'd guess would be 10-15lbs. doesn't seem like much now but it was enough to push me into the category of...

I continued to gain throughout high school and my dad (m55) had started to make comments about my body, calling me piglet if I reached for seconds all that lovely...

One argument led to a remark that stayed with her for years.

one time however, during an argument, I dont know if we were talking about my weight or whatever but he'd said "if I was a guy your age- I wouldnt...

its been years and it really stuck with me. at the time of course it just made me feel like disgusting and ugly but now I dont know.

Years later, she confronted him about the impact those words had on her.

ive lost 65lbs since my highest weight (I dont deserve congratulating It was thx to an ED) and the other night he'd mentioned how I used to be "fat" I...

and said it really messed me up. he dismissed it and said the weird thing was me bringing it up like 7 years later AITA

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Teenage years are a period when identity and self-esteem are still forming. Negative remarks about body image from close family members may carry more emotional weight than similar comments from others. When criticism comes from a parent, it can deeply shape how someone views themselves and their worth.

Another important factor is how people process past experiences over time. It is common for individuals to revisit old memories later in life and recognize their impact more clearly. What might have felt confusing or painful at the time can resurface years later when someone gains perspective or experiences the long-term consequences.

Finally, dismissing someone’s feelings about a past event can make the situation more painful. Even if the original comment was made years earlier, acknowledging the emotional impact often helps rebuild trust in relationships. Conversations about past harm can be uncomfortable, yet they are sometimes necessary for understanding and healing.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Many commenters strongly supported the poster and criticized the father’s remarks.

[Reddit User] − NTA. What if you were the "perfect body"? Then would he say that he would touch you? That disgusting and disturbing. Does your mom know what he...

SliceEquivalent825 − NTA my dad used to do this to me too. He would tell me I would look better if I dropped 10-15 pounds, at that time I was...

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We went out to eat once and made a comment about me eating too much, I was pregnant. I got up and left. He said to me another time, "do...

I finally said, "I don;t know dad it runs in families, look at your gut. " He never mentioned it again. The only way to deal with a bully is...

PicklesMcpickle − The comments your father is making on your appearance and weight shows that he is sexualizing you. He is viewing you the way a man would view you...

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And that scary as heck. That's why it's bothering you. It's going to bother your gut instincts because until you figure it out, you need to take extra steps to...

But he's looking at you as a thing of value that can go up or down depending on your size. Instead of like the child he loves. Yeah that gave...

Soggy-Isopod9681 − Abusers gaslight. Sorry your dad is a f__khead. NTA.

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Mortifydman − My dad called me thunder thighs and lard b__t. I lettered in 2 sports and ran 4 miles a day minimum. Some men are just assholes.

PuffinUK − NTA - that’s awful and I’m so sorry. Of course it upset you, those sorts of comments can stay with you for life.

I grew up with a father who constantly judged my appearance (I’m 48 now so I’m sure I’m a generation or two above you! ) and I still struggle with...

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I’ve had 30+ years of my father saying things like “you’re just so much happier when you’re slimmer”. And at 14 “don’t you want to be one of those girls...

And I was never medically overweight. Maybe a size 8-10 (US). Parents making these comments don’t seem to understand how damaging they are. I still get them from my Dad...

Others shared similar experiences and encouraged standing up for oneself.

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Pleasant_Birthday_77 − NTA. Actually, I think he really needs to reflect on why it even crossed his mind to put himself in the place of a contemporary of yours,

and how he would judge your body in that situation. It's extremely strange, almost incestuous.

SubjectBuilder3793 − NTA Next time he brings up your weight, tell him it's greepy how he fixates on it. Maybe he can fixate on his receding hair line? ? Or...

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A few users reacted with dark humor while pointing out how uncomfortable the comment was.

anxiousbluebear − NTA! That is disgusting and downright cruel. It would absolutely stick in anyone's memory because it's a horrendous thing to say to anyone, let alone your own daughter.

The fact he's not even ashamed of it just makes it worse. And as you said, it wasn't even a one-off, just the most outlandish of a solid long-term pattern...

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Let's be clear: Your dad is verbally and emotionally abusive, period. He's clearly a huge factor in why you developed an eating disorder.

The fact that he flippantly talks about how you "used to be fat" despite the context of you losing weight through an ED is further proof of his mean spirit.

He should be begging for forgiveness, mortified that his emotional abuse put you in such a dangerous situation for your health, educating himself about ED, going to therapy,

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the works--and I still don't know if I could forgive him. To be honest this is bad enough I'd go NC. Why do you need this in your life?

Maledisant6 − Eeew. No father should ever be able to contain the concepts of "my daughter" and "s__ually touching" in the same thought.

This situation highlights how deeply words from family members can linger long after they are spoken. Even when years pass, the emotional impact of harsh comments about appearance can remain vivid, especially when they occur during formative years.

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The disagreement also raises questions about accountability and understanding in family relationships. When someone expresses that a past comment hurt them, should the focus be on when it happened or on acknowledging the impact it had? Have you ever had a moment where something said years earlier still stayed with you?

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