AITAH for having an affair after my wife told me to do so?

He’s been married for 12 years, together for 16, and shares a 7-year-old daughter with his wife. From the outside, their life looks stable — two working parents, a loving child, and a partnership that functions smoothly day to day. But behind closed doors, something essential had quietly disappeared.

Intimacy didn’t vanish overnight. It slowly faded until it was gone entirely. Every attempt to talk about it was brushed aside. Then one day, during an emotional argument, his wife told him to go sleep with someone else. A year later, he did exactly that — and nothing has felt the same since.

‘AITAH for having an affair after my wife told me to do so?’

It began when intimacy gradually disappeared over the years:

While family life looked stable, he was unraveling inside:

Two years ago, the conversation finally broke him:

Then one unexpected question changed everything:

Long-term relationships can survive many challenges, but persistent rejection often leaves deep scars. When one partner repeatedly feels unwanted, it affects far more than physical closeness — it chips away at confidence, connection, and emotional safety.

Psychotherapist Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity, has said, “Desire needs space, mystery, and a sense of aliveness.” When intimacy becomes something described as a “chore,” the dynamic shifts dramatically. The partner seeking closeness may begin to internalize rejection, questioning their attractiveness and worth.

What appears to be happening now resembles what therapists call “hysterical bonding” — a sudden surge of intimacy triggered by fear of losing the relationship. While it can temporarily reignite passion, it doesn’t automatically solve the underlying disconnect.

At this stage, honest communication and professional couples counseling may be crucial. Without addressing the root causes — resentment, unmet needs, emotional distance — the cycle could repeat itself once the immediate fear subsides.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Online users were quick to weigh in — and opinions were sharply divided.

Many felt he simply followed through on what she told him:

Others believed the deeper issue runs far beyond this one decision:

Some questioned whether he should have clarified first:

And a few didn’t hold back at all:

He believes he followed her instructions. She likely never imagined he would. Now both are facing the emotional fallout of words spoken in frustration.

Is this a wake-up call that could push them to truly confront what’s broken — or the beginning of something that can’t be undone? What do you think: was he wrong for taking her at her word?