AITA for “abandoning” my children?

At 21, she’s already raising two children — one nearly three years old, the other just shy of one. In about a year, she plans to leave home for eight weeks to complete Basic Training. The decision itself isn’t new. She and her husband discussed it long before they were married. But now that the reality is closer, the reactions from others have shaken her confidence.

Friends and relatives have accused her of “abandoning” her kids. Some insist the separation will cause lasting emotional damage. Others argue that no career opportunity justifies leaving children that young, even temporarily. She believed she was making a responsible, long-term choice for her family’s future. Now she’s wondering whether she’s overlooking something far more important.

‘AITA for “abandoning” my children?’

She shared her situation online:

She added more context as questions came in:

Later, she clarified why waiting didn’t feel realistic:

The strongest concern raised in this debate centers on early childhood attachment. During the first five years of life — particularly the first two — children form foundational emotional bonds that shape how they experience safety, trust, and relationships. At that stage, consistency matters deeply. Young children do not process time the way adults do; weeks can feel endless, and sudden absence can be confusing and distressing.

Psychologist John Bowlby, who developed Attachment Theory, emphasized that prolonged separation from a primary caregiver in early childhood may contribute to later anxiety or insecurity. His colleague Mary Ainsworth expanded on this research, demonstrating that secure attachment develops when caregivers are consistently responsive and emotionally available. When that stability is disrupted without preparation, children may struggle to regulate emotions or understand why a parent has disappeared.

However, context plays a critical role. If a child has already formed a secure bond with another consistent caregiver, the outcome can look very different. In this case, the father will remain home and is non-deployable. If he is already an active participant in daily routines — feeding, comforting, bedtime, play — the transition may feel less like a sudden loss and more like a shift in who is most physically present. Children who feel securely attached to more than one caregiver tend to adapt more successfully.

Preparation is likely the determining factor. Gradually increasing the father’s caregiving role months in advance, maintaining stable routines, offering age-appropriate explanations, and arranging consistent video contact can reduce confusion. Avoiding additional changes — such as moves or childcare shifts — during that same period would also help. Eight weeks carries emotional weight, but it does not automatically guarantee long-term harm. The difference often lies in how thoughtfully the transition is handled.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The comment section quickly split into sharply different camps, some warned strongly about potential psychological consequences:

Others shared painful personal experiences from military families:

Some responses were brief but firm:

And a few commenters approached it from a political angle:

Eight weeks may look brief when measured against an entire career, yet for a one-year-old it can represent a significant stretch of time. That contrast is what makes this decision so emotionally charged. On one side is the promise of long-term financial stability and educational benefits. On the other is the fragile, irreplaceable window of early childhood attachment.

There may not be a perfectly clean answer here. With careful preparation and shared parenting, the impact might be manageable. Without it, the separation could feel much heavier. When thinking about choices like this, what should weigh more heavily — future security or present closeness? And is it truly possible to protect both at the same time?