AITA for making my daughter listen to me talk to her husband and apologize for raising a cheater like her?

A father faced intense backlash after taking a hardline approach toward his adult daughter following the collapse of her marriage. When he learned she had been unfaithful, he responded not only with disappointment but with actions he believed would force her to fully confront the consequences of her choices. His attempt to hold her accountable quickly escalated into a deeply emotional family conflict.

The most controversial moment came when he called his former son-in-law to apologize and required his daughter to listen to the conversation. During the call, he openly expressed shame and even suggested he valued the son-in-law more than his own child. While he viewed this as necessary tough love, others questioned whether his actions crossed the line from discipline into cruelty.

‘AITA for making my daughter listen to me talk to her husband and apologize for raising a cheater like her?’

He explained his daughter’s affair and why he felt deeply disappointed.

My daughter recently moved back in with us after her relationship with her husband ended following his discovery of an affair she was having with a co-worker.

Her husband is a good man, and I will be sorry to see him leaving our family. He did not deserve this. She admits as much, but I wanted him...

He described being strict because he doubted her remorse.

I have been very hard on my daughter since she moved in. As much as she claims to recognize her mistakes, I don't believe her. She is in shock right...

He detailed forcing her to listen and threatening serious consequences.

When I called her husband to apologize, I told her she was going to listen to the conversation because she needed to see the damage she had caused by her...

I also wanted her to know how disgusted I was with her and how deeply ashamed I am of her and of her being my daughter.

I told her husband that if given the choice I would rather keep someone like him in our family than my own daughter because of her behavior.

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All of this had the effect I intended, but her mother things I was unnecessarily harsh with her and may do damage to our relationship.

I told her mother that right now I was considering disowning her unless she showed some remorse and change quickly.

She needs tough love right now in my view and consequences. I don't think trying to accomplish either of those things makes me an a__hole, but does it?

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Situations involving adult children and parental authority often create complicated emotional dynamics. While parents may feel deep disappointment when their children make serious mistakes, the balance between expressing values and respecting autonomy can be difficult to maintain. Actions intended as accountability may sometimes be perceived as control or emotional punishment.

Another key factor in conflicts like this is the distinction between moral judgment and relational support. Many experts note that while condemning harmful behavior is valid, rejecting the person entirely can intensify shame rather than encourage growth. In adult relationships, learning typically comes from personal consequences rather than externally imposed humiliation.

From a broader perspective, this case reflects tensions between traditional views of family honor and modern expectations of individual responsibility. Publicly expressing disapproval may feel justified to some, but long-term family stability often depends on maintaining communication, empathy, and boundaries that acknowledge both wrongdoing and continued familial bonds.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Many readers strongly criticized the father’s actions, saying he crossed emotional boundaries.

[Reddit User] − YTA. Your daughter is an adult. You don’t get to punish her for how she behaved in her marriage.

Texasworld − YTA. I just. ..I just don’t even know what to say. Of course it’s terrible that she cheated. But. ..you’re her father.

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You aren’t showing tough love by threatening to disown her over this, you’re being an ass. You also have no idea what her marriage was actually like.

FluidSuccotash8679 − YTA This gives off super possessive vibes. Your daughter is not your property. She didn’t shame the family. She fucked up her marriage. That’s really none of your...

JenningsWigService − YTA I say this as someone whose ex broke my heart by cheating on me. Cheaters are allowed to be loved by their parents. It's not your place...

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Your sense of disgrace is disproportional (cheaters disgrace themselves, not their entire immediate family). If this situation causes you this much distress, it might help to seek counselling.

It would be really, really ridiculous to disown your kid for the rest of your life because she cheated on her husband. ETA: Thanks for the gold!

Likely_Not_Your_Mom − Yes absolutely YTA 100%. It sounds like you are treating your daughter like a child.

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She is a grown woman and losing her husband and her lover AND her life as she knows it due to her poor decisions has got to be completely devastating.

You are her parent, and trust me as a mother and as a daughter she knows that she has disappointed you and every single other person in her life.

Stop rubbing her bad decisions in and reach out a hand to help her up. Maybe that will help to begin a relationship with her again, because your wife is...

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Others took a mixed view, criticizing both the daughter’s actions and the father’s response.

GlitteringHair7 − ESH. Her for cheating, and you for trying to control and discipline an adult child in hopes that she learned her lesson.

It's all fine trying to mend everything and let her exhusband know that you love him and consider him part of the family still, etc etc. .. but to call...

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You can support your ex son in law and also not support your daughter without any skin off my judging back. But the way you did it is really, really...

Dry-LaBeouf − ESH. I get that what she did is wrong but I worry that you might have taken it a bit far. Did you have problems with your daughter...

She is a grown up and is entitled to her own choices, I think that burning a bridge with your child is a bit out of control, even though the...

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ShoelessBoJackson − ESH Daughter is an a__hole for cheating. You're an a__hole cause you seem bent on not just telling your daughter she screwed up, but rubbing her face in...

Some comments reflected broader reflections and emotional reactions to the situation.

fadgeoh − YTA. Relationships are complicated and she is your daughter. I'm a big hater of cheating but I mean. ...

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You need to to step back and just see your daughter is confused and did something bad and now she is living the conveniences. You don't love her anymore now?...

[Reddit User] − YTA since the question seems to be between you and your wife, not you and your daughter. Your daughter is facing consequences.

She's getting a divorce and her cheating partner broke up with her. She does also admit that hurt him and that he didn't deserve it - as you admit in...

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Not sure why you're bothering asking for judgement, though, since you're completely fine losing your daughter.

Is it perhaps because you're afraid that disowning your daughter will result in you losing your wife? Consequences aren't "I love this man more than I love you". That's just...

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Consequences would be more like "I'm not okay having you move in due to your actions making you untrustworthy. You need to find alternative living arrangements".

This story highlights the difficult balance between holding loved ones accountable and preserving family relationships. While strong reactions often come from deep emotional investment, they can also create lasting damage when they move into rejection or humiliation. The tension between justice and compassion remains at the heart of this conflict.

Do you think parents should take an active role in disciplining adult children after serious mistakes? Where should the line be drawn between expressing disappointment and maintaining unconditional family support?

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One Comment

  1. Its none of his business he sounds very controlling
    His wife is right his daughter must have been very unhappy to do this perhaps there’s things you dont know about her relationship and she’s unlikely to confide in you now .
    We all make mistakes are you perfect if you thnk you are i feel sorry for your family