AITA for insisting that my son’s therapist tells me why my son wants to see him?

When a teenager asks for professional help, it can catch parents completely off guard. That’s exactly what happened when one couple’s seemingly happy, social 17-year-old son requested to see a therapist, without offering any explanation. Their confusion quickly turned into anxiety as they struggled to understand what could be wrong.

Instead of getting answers, their concern only deepened when the therapist refused to explain the reason for the sessions. What followed was a breakdown in trust, a furious reaction from their son, and a wave of online responses questioning whether parental concern had crossed an important line. The situation opened up a broader conversation about privacy, boundaries, and how much parents are entitled to know as children approach adulthood.

AITA for insisting that my son’s therapist tells me why my son wants to see him?

Everything seemed normal until their son made an unexpected request that changed the household dynamic

My son [17] was always a normal boy, with many friends, very active and didn’t seam to have any kind of problem. But one day we he told us he...

We were really surprised by that, we never thought he will ask us something like that. We ask him why but he didn’t want to tell us.

As parents, they tried to piece together possible explanations on their own

We were worried so we send him to a therapist and now he goes once a week. In our eyes he is still the same kid that before. We tried...

We thought maybe he is bulimic or anorexic ( as he is very thin ) but he isn’t that skinny and those things tend to affect women, not men. We...

Frustration grew as guessing failed to bring clarity or comfort

We decided that theorizing wouldn’t give us an answer so we ask his therapist and refused, saying that he couldn’t say what my son told him.

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I told him that we didn’t want the specifics but at least the reason why he goes to therapy. But he refused again. We try to insist many times but...

The situation escalated when their son discovered what they had done

And the day after, our son come to us and tell us that he know that we insisted on knowing why he wants therapy ( we don’t know if the...

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He didn’t talk to us for the rest of the day. Now, we know that insist to know wasn’t the best idea but we are his parents and we deserve...

This situation highlights a common tension between parental concern and adolescent autonomy. Wanting to understand why a child seeks therapy is natural, especially when there are no visible signs of distress. However, as children grow closer to adulthood, privacy becomes a critical part of emotional development. Therapy often provides a rare space where young people can speak freely without fear of judgment or consequences at home.

From a professional standpoint, therapists are bound by strict confidentiality laws. These rules exist to protect patients and ensure that therapy remains effective. Pressuring a therapist to disclose information does not just cross ethical boundaries, it risks damaging the therapeutic relationship that the teen worked hard to initiate on his own.

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Psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour, who specializes in adolescent mental health, has explained, “When teens seek therapy, it’s often because they need a space that feels entirely theirs. Respecting that privacy helps them build trust and emotional independence.” Breaking that trust can discourage teens from continuing treatment or seeking help in the future.

For parents in similar situations, the healthiest approach is open but patient communication. Letting a child know you are available, supportive, and willing to listen without forcing answers can make a meaningful difference. Over time, trust often opens doors that pressure only keeps closed. If parents feel overwhelmed by worry, seeking guidance for themselves can also be a constructive step.

See what others had to share with OP:

Many readers reacted strongly, emphasizing privacy laws and the importance of trust

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HoennIsHome − YTA, even underage patients, therapy sessions are 100% confidential unless the patient is in danger or may be putting someone else in danger.

SoMuchMoreEagle − YTA. Not only did you attempt to violate your son's privacy, you also pressured his therapist to violate his medical ethics, which are dictated by law. He could...

Also, it would have completely undermined your son's trust in him and could have had serious consequences for his mental health treatment. Good luck getting your son to open up...

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He took a huge, mature step in asking for help and you go and do this? ! You are his parents, but he's almost an adult and you should have...

You owe him a huge apology and a promise never to cross a boundary like that ever again. You should also apologize to his therapist.

ILoatheCailou − YTA. For so many reasons. And yes, men can suffer from eating disorders. You sound ignorant and judgemental maybe that’s why your son doesn’t want to confide in...

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vanvarmar − YTA. The therapist legit cannot and had better not tell you, and you are assholes for insisting you have a right to know.

Chewy52 − Now, we know that insist to know wasn’t the best idea but we are his parents and we deserve to know. We really are assholes?

YTA. do you think you deserve to know ***everything*** about your sons life? Because I'm sorry to tell you, but that's an unrealistic expectation.

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Others focused on the emotional impact this could have on the teen

graywisteria − I empathize with how concerned you must be, but YTA for going to the therapist instead of gently asking your son what's bothering him. Your son is 17,...

ScarySuit − YTA. Big time. Your kid is almost an adult and deserves some privacy. I get being worried about him, but this is just a way to break his...

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anovelby − Yes, YTA because you’re pressing the matter, which can only make things worse. At least your kid knows got to ask for help when they need it, chill...

drdpr8rbrts − Sadly, yes. Your son needs to have this time with his therapist, privately. You need to accept that. YTA.

Sspockuss − YTA from the title alone. There are laws protecting this and the therapist legally cannot tell you anything except in very specific circumstances.

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I just read the rest of the post. Even harder YTA. You don't "deserve" to know anything, you're acting entitled.

Some responses were blunt, reflecting just how strongly people felt

CritterEmpire − You are 100% YTA. There are laws against this nevermind opinions.

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[Reddit User] − YTA 17 year olds are entitled to medical privacy, full stop. If your son wants you to be included in this particular issue, that's entirely up to...

0000udeis000 − Jesus Christ YTA.

purpleyish − YTA. Therapy is a safe space where he can discuss things that he may not be comfortable discussing with you. If there was any threat to his life...

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[Reddit User] − Doctor patient confidentiality. Your parental status means as much as the fat I just let out of my ass.

YTA. Could even be whatever your doing too yknow. And considering your insisting on breaking the law just to know what your kid thinks, I wouldn't be surprised

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This story shows how easily concern can turn into control when fear takes over. While the parents believed they were acting out of love, many felt their insistence crossed a line that damaged trust and ignored their son’s growing independence. Therapy relies on safety and privacy, and undermining that can do more harm than good. If your child asked for help but didn’t explain why, would you respect their space or push for answers?

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