AITAH for not wanting to see my in-laws after my husband outed me to them?

A 29-year-old woman recently came to a deeply personal realization: she is bisexual. After six years of marriage, she chose to share this truth with her husband Ray (30), the person she loves and trusts most. She was very clear — this was private, and she explicitly asked him not to tell anyone else.

Eight months later she discovered he had been discussing it with his mother and sisters for over a month. The news hit her like a betrayal. Now she feels exposed, embarrassed, and deeply uncomfortable around his family the same people she sees every week for dinner. She has stopped attending those dinners. Ray is upset. He says she needs to “get over it,” come back, and “present a unified front” because her absence is making him look bad.

‘AITAH for not wanting to see my in-laws after my husband outed me to them?’

She and Ray have been together six years and usually join his family for dinner once a week:

She shared it because she loves and trusts him:

The revelation left her feeling betrayed and humiliated:

Since the fight she has refused to attend family dinners:

Ray now wants her to return and act normal:

The heart of this conflict is a serious breach of trust. The wife shared a vulnerable, personal identity discovery with her husband under the clear condition of confidentiality. He disregarded that boundary and disclosed it to his family without her knowledge or consent. This is widely considered a form of outing — revealing someone’s sexual orientation against their explicit wishes — and it frequently causes shame, anger, and a deep sense of violation, even when the people told are kind and non-judgmental.

Ray’s perspective is understandable on an emotional level. Learning that a long-term partner is bisexual can trigger insecurity, confusion, fear of change, or questions about the relationship’s future, even if nothing has objectively changed in their monogamous dynamic. He may have genuinely needed support and felt unable to process it alone. However, needing support does not automatically override a direct request for privacy. Healthy coping would have involved individual therapy, a neutral friend outside the family circle, or even couples counseling — not sharing the information with the exact people his wife would have to face weekly.

From a broader social and psychological viewpoint, this situation highlights a common pattern in enmeshed families: the spouse is expected to prioritize the family-of-origin’s emotional system over their own boundaries. Ray’s insistence on a “unified front” appears to be more about protecting his image within his family than repairing the damage done to his wife. That imbalance — where her vulnerability is secondary to his comfort and family optics — is a red flag for many relationship therapists.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Online readers were overwhelmingly on the wife’s side. The majority view the husband’s actions as a clear betrayal of trust.

Most people called the husband the asshole and said she is completely justified in staying away:

A smaller group showed sympathy for the husband’s emotional struggle and suggested she should offer more understanding:

One comment came from someone identifying as a therapist and pointed to deeper family dynamics:

This isn’t really about bisexuality itself — it’s about trust, consent, and whose feelings get priority in a marriage. The wife is allowed to feel hurt, exposed, and not ready to sit across from people who now know something she wanted to keep private. Forcing her to “get over it” for the sake of appearances only deepens the injury.

At the same time, long-term relationships sometimes require empathy in both directions. If both people can own their part — her husband fully owning the boundary violation, and her eventually recognizing that his struggle was real even if his coping choice was wrong — there may be a path forward. If the pattern of him choosing his family’s comfort over hers continues, though, that’s a much bigger question than weekly dinners.