AITA for not longer doing anything for my husband?

After nearly a decade together, this couple thought they had survived their hardest chapter. Therapy was underway, accountability had been acknowledged, and old wounds seemed to be healing. From the outside, it looked like a marriage slowly finding its footing again after the emotional toll of postpartum depression and early parenthood.

But one ordinary afternoon at home shifted everything. A comment made in frustration reopened scars that never fully healed, and the poster decided to stop doing the countless invisible tasks that kept her husband’s life running smoothly. What followed was not just a messy house, but a stark realization about love, respect, and how quickly resentment can return when it was never truly resolved. Social media users had a lot to say about where the real breaking point began.

AITA for not longer doing anything for my husband?

The relationship once felt stable, loving, and full of shared plans before everything changed

My husband and I have been together for 9 years now and yes, we are currently in marriage therapy and have been for roughly 7 months - though admittedly,

I am considering canceling future sessions. We have a 2 year old together, no other kids. Our relationship prior to our baby was a happy one.

The early weeks of motherhood quickly became isolating and overwhelming without warning

So, when our child was around 2.5 weeks old, I was diagnosed with PPD. I honestly think I was simply struggling with being alone more than anything.

We moved away from my mother when our baby was only a day old (he basically said "oh I found us an apartment, we move in today"

as we were staying in my moms basement apartment to save to buy a home - and this was 100% sprung on me with no discussion). And he only took...

What followed left her feeling emotionally abandoned at her most vulnerable point

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So basically the first couple weeks of our child's life I was isolated in an apartment, in unfamiliar territory with a brand new baby and surrounded by boxes of our...

He left for work at 5am and often didnt come home until after 5pm. I was terrified and irritable, and instead of seeing it for what it was (despite me...

he just ultimately decided he couldn't handle my "anger" and started hanging out with his buddies outside our apartment complex for a few hours at least - every single night.

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It was a VERY telling time of our relationship, where he basically abandoned me. Loved our child and did everything when he was home but the problem was that he...

By the time things improved on the surface, the emotional damage had already settled in

Eventually I turned ice cold, is the only way I know how to put it. I stopped caring that he wasnt home and I worked through my PPD, essentially, alone....

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Damage was already done. He suggested therapy, I agreed. In essence, a lot feels better. I started feeling like I actually loved him again.

He started taking accountability for everything he did and did everything he could to make it up to me. So, things were going well. But that leads us to this...

I am technically a SAHM but I also own an online shop and bring in around $900 a month. Its not much but I only spend maybe 2hrs a day...

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I buy all home necessities, he pays the bills, and for literal months he has told me that he prefers this and that even the little bit I bring in...

The argument that broke the fragile peace began on an otherwise ordinary day

He had the day off and I told him I was leaving the baby with him while I went grocery shopping because he is sick. He acted totally fine with...

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He was trying to play some game with his online buddies and our baby was not having it. As stated, they are sick. So my husband is getting irritated because...

I get the baby calmed down, put away the groceries and then take a seat on the couch. My husband looks at me and I kind of chuckle and say...

He goes "what do you mean?" So I told him that he tells me I take this (SAHM) for granted and that he would love to stay home. He SNAPPED.

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He said the difference between me and him is that he "actually works" and never gets a break, that I "dont want to work" and if I did, I would...

I asked him when tf I ever get a break (this is literally the FIRST time I have ever been away from our child). He goes "you get a break...

Our son has quite literally not taken a nap in damn near 3 months and even when he did take a nap prior, I stayed away and worked on my...

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So I told him that, and he immediately tells me that that is a "crock of s__t". Keep in mind he was on his microphone the entire time so all...

Her response was quiet, but deliberate, and everything shifted after that moment

I didnt argue further. But I took my ring off. After that, I stopped doing all his laundry. I stopped plating his dinner plates and just left his food in...

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I no longer prep the coffee pot in the morning to brew at 5am for him. I stopped sending him update texts through the day. Stopped sending him daily pictures...

Stopped cleaning up after him - which means all his plates are still on the counters, all his dirty clothing is strewn along the home, his desk has 4 dirty...

He has made comments a few times throughout the week saying "this house is ALWAYS f__king trashed". I ignore it. Not all of it is his mess,

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but about 90% of it is I simply stopped putting the babies toys away every time he gets done playing so there are toys everywhere too. Yesterday he came home...

He ends up picking up some of his garbage and comes in to say we need to talk and that this is being pushed too far and "obviously he didnt...

he was just stressed out because he had dealt with the baby screaming for 2.5 hours straight". I told him the damage was already done - especially considering he was...

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He didnt get to bounce back to being a POS that quickly when what he did before is still etched heavy in my head. And that no, I wont get...

He said everything he said isnt enough to warrant a divorce and that he is sorry. I dont even want to look at him though.

This situation reflects a pattern commonly seen when emotional labor goes unrecognized for too long. The poster carried childcare, household management, and income-generating work while being told it “wasn’t real work.” When that belief finally surfaced openly, it confirmed fears that had been quietly growing for years.

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From the husband’s perspective, stress and exhaustion may have fueled his outburst, but stress does not erase accountability. Dismissing a partner’s contributions, especially in front of others, erodes trust fast. Apologies offered only after consequences appear rarely feel sincere to the person already hurt.

Relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman has noted, “Contempt is the single greatest predictor of divorce.” Comments rooted in belittlement, even when framed as frustration, often signal deeper relational decay.

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Moving forward would require more than therapy sessions. Real repair would mean consistent behavior change, shared domestic responsibility, and genuine respect for unpaid labor. Without those, withdrawal becomes a form of self-protection rather than punishment. In many cases, stepping back is not about revenge, but about clarity.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Many users firmly supported the poster, emphasizing abandonment and long-term damage

ThisWeekInTheRegency − Once you feel like that about someone, it's very hard to come back from it. Time to maybe go back to your mother's basement. You get no support...

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glossolalienne − NTA. It doesn’t even sound like he *likes* you or his own child, let alone respects and loves you. You deserve better, and this petulant child who calls...

This type of ugly goes all the way to the bone. You’re absolutely doing the right thing for you and for your child by divorcing him,

and in the meantime you’re completely justified in ceasing all the things you’ve been doing for him that he doesn’t even have the basic decency to appreciate. You and your...

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Ipso-Pacto-Facto − Maybe the baby wouldn’t have been screaming had he left his stupid f__king game and comforted it. I’d be done. Hope your name isn’t on the lease.

Go home. File for child support. 9 years of saving for a house - get your half. Lawyer up and get bank and tax records before leaving.

MyRedditUserName428 − He abandoned you when you needed him the most. He broke the foundation of trust in your relationship. Now he wants his house slave back.

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This man doesn’t even like you. Has no respect you. This isn’t love. Can you and baby go stay with your mom? Work on your business and look for a...

Decent-Pause-2019 − NTA. He doesn’t get to tell you if what he’s done and said warrants divorce. That’s for you to decide. He’s only sorry now bc he’s suffering the...

Others offered more measured or critical reflections on the situation

plantprinses − NTA. If he's really sorry, he will want to make amends and be a better father and husband. You could also go out and find a job and...

Your husband doesn't seem to understand that he could never pay for what you do on a daily basis. Did he want a child at all? Doesn't seem like it.

nytefox42 − So what I'm reading is you're married to and had a child with an abusive, controlling a__hole who wants a maid and nanny ( and possibly living s__...

He also only likes the child you have together when the child is happy and he doesn't have to deal with any of the actual care, he can hand them...

FrostiePi − Nta. He isolated and abandoned you. He doesn't get to act like an utter b__ch and still get the treatment he's complaining about. Can you move back in...

bizianka − He only said sorry because he missed convenience you provided to him. He could handle a child for two hours, but in the same breath says you are...

Usual-Frosting3882 − NTA. I’m sorry he’s been so selfish and disappointing.

A few comments leaned blunt or darkly humorous to cut through the tension

So_It_Goes85 − Nta. Ditch the adult baby and move on with your life. You need a partner not an anchor.

Buttered_Crumpet09 − NTA. Ask him why he feels he gets to decide if this is divorce-worthy. He did the damage not just with his comments but with all of his...

and now he wants to try to decide how you should feel, if and when you should forgive, and what the consequences for his words and actions should be.

What makes him think he has that right? He knows you've been diagnosed with PPD, yet he left you to handle it, your child, and the household all by yourself.

You've been a single parent whilst also running your own business and keeping the household running. He had the audacity to claim his comments were because caring for your son...

yet he basically claimed that you caring for your child all day, every day was easy and that of course you must be having naps and putting your feet up.

If childcare is that easy, how come he couldn't manage it for 2.5 hours? He admitted previously that your business helps him a lot, yet he jumped at the chance...

He said you don't want to work even though that income you make comes from you working. Did he forget that, or did he think the cash is delivered by...

You cook (and tbh you're being generous in still cooking for him), you clean, you do the laundry, do the grocery shopping, take care of your son, and do all...

Now you've stopped doing the majority of the things for him and he finally noticed how much you do. However, do you notice how he isn't stepping up? He hasn't...

he's just been waiting for you to give in and do it for him. He also wasn't sorry for what he said until he realised that you weren't backing down...

Now he wants to throw you the bare minimum of a fauxpology in order to get you to go back to doing everything for him; I bet he doesn't want...

He'd have to do everything for himself AND he'd have to actually be a parent during his custody time, and so he wants you to be a good wifey and...

his selfishness, his horrible behaviour, his ingratitude, and his utter lack of appreciation under the rug. He hasn't been a partner or much of a father by the looks of...

and he had the balls to say you don't want to work when the only reason he wants to keep you is because he doesn't want to have to put...

Is this what you really want for yourself, and is it really what you want for your son? It isn't just about what he said. It's about the fact that...

and he hasn't even been bothered to give you even the most basic respect, appreciation, or support. What he said just confirmed what he's been showing you for years, which...

a chef, a laundress, a grocery shopper, and a financial resource BUT not as a wife and partner, that he takes you for granted, and that he won't even step...

He knows you're angry and upset and yet he's still making you live with his mess because he's too damn lazy to take care of it himself; instead of offering...

and any effort to do better, he's giving you dirty laundry, plates, cups, and cutlery, a complete dismissal of your feelings as he basically tells you that you're overreacting, and...

eatingganesha − NTA Move back in with your mother. Everything he has done and said is grounds for divorce. Not consulting you about the apartment, forcing a move at a...

talking to you like that, demeaning you, acting like a s__tty babysitter instead of a parent, putting games before his infant, etc. That’s abusive! Get out now. Don’t look back.

Your mom will be so happy to have you and her grandbaby and will appreciate the money you bring in. Go. Now. before his temper escalates, because it will.

Medusa_7898 − His words and behavior are absolutely enough to justify a divorce. I would start talking with attorneys and make arrangements to move back into your mother’s basement. You...

lovescarats − NTA, you need a break from this man who acted like an ass when you were vulnerable. You have lost love for him. I feel like he is...

And he did this all himself. Stop wasting money on therapy and get out before you waste anymore time . You will have way less to do, and actually have...

This story struck a nerve because it highlights how easily invisible labor becomes expected rather than appreciated. While one argument triggered the fallout, many readers felt the real issue had been building for years. Apologies may come, but emotional safety is harder to restore once lost. If you were in her position, would you see this as a temporary breaking point, or the moment you finally stop carrying everything alone?

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