AITA for dumping a friend that said they want a child with my husband?

A polyamorous couple had one absolute, non-negotiable rule: no pregnancies outside the marriage. The wife had suffered secondary infertility, making the boundary as serious as “don’t get AIDS.” Her husband started seeing a new partner a few months ago, and the wife was becoming friends with her—until the partner casually admitted she had changed her mind and now wanted a child with the husband.

The wife immediately ended the friendship, unable to handle someone claiming to be a friend while desiring something so deeply hurtful. The partner was shocked, insisting it was just a “want,” not a plan, and that polyamory means “everyone is equal” with decisions made “as a team.” The husband—uncomfortable after she pressured him to skip condoms—also ended things due to the drama. The ex-partner fixated on “just wanting it isn’t a problem” and “I’m basically sterile anyway.” The wife seeks a sanity check.

‘AITA for dumping a friend that said they want a child with my husband?’

The poly relationship had one firm, non-negotiable rule:

The revelation came directly:

The wife ended the friendship immediately:

The ex-partner’s excuses and fixation:

Polyamory thrives on explicit agreements—here, “no pregnancies outside the marriage” was a hard limit due to infertility trauma, comparable to STI non-negotiables. The new partner’s admission (“I changed my mind, I want a child with him”) directly violated that boundary, even pre-sex. Dismissing it as “just wanting” ignores the intent and pressure (condom negotiation), which signals future risk.

From the partner’s perspective, she may have believed polyamory allows renegotiation (“discuss as a team,” “everyone equal”)—but core rules aren’t up for unilateral change. Her shock at consequences shows entitlement or naivety about hierarchical poly (marriage as primary).

Relationship experts in ethical non-monogamy stress: boundaries exist to protect everyone. Violating a hard limit—even verbally—erodes trust. The wife’s immediate cutoff and husband’s exit were proportionate self-protection. Apologies or “I’m sterile anyway” don’t undo intent.

Practical advice: revisit agreements regularly; use veto power if needed; screen partners for alignment. Infertility grief amplifies pain—therapy helps process. The couple’s solidarity is healthy; the ex-partner’s reaction reveals incompatibility. Protecting the marriage isn’t cruel—it’s responsible.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The community overwhelmingly supported the poster (NTA), viewing the ex-partner’s desire for a child as a fundamental violation of the clear, non-negotiable boundary, and praising the swift end to both friendship and relationship.

Many users strongly backed the decision to cut ties, calling the ex-partner delusional, boundary-violating, and a threat:

Some offered deeper insight into poly boundaries, consent, and consequences:

In polyamory, hard limits like “no pregnancies outside the marriage” exist to protect everyone—especially when infertility trauma is involved. Openly wanting a child with a married partner, despite clear rules, violates trust and signals future risk. Ending both friendship and relationship was a healthy boundary, not cruelty.

Have you navigated hard boundaries in poly or open relationships? Or dealt with someone pushing for kids against agreements? Share your stories below—poly dynamics thrive on clear consent, but violations can end things fast. Others’ experiences help highlight what’s reasonable vs. red-flag behavior.