AITAH for not wanting to go on a family vacation with my mom because her kids are coming?

A teenager found himself facing an emotional dilemma when his mother planned a family vacation meant to bring everyone together. For him, the trip represented more than a getaway; it reopened old wounds caused by years of rejection and hostility from his older siblings. What makes the situation more complicated is that the siblings who once ignored and mistreated him now share a warm relationship with his younger brother.

While the mother hopes a vacation will unite her children, the poster feels overlooked and pressured to ignore his pain for her happiness. Sharing his story on a social network, he asked whether refusing to attend made him unreasonable. The responses reveal how deeply unresolved family dynamics can resurface during moments meant for togetherness.

‘AITAH for not wanting to go on a family vacation with my mom because her kids are coming?’

It all began with a family history marked by division and emotional distance.

My (17M) mom has two older kids (24M and 23M). We don't have the same father. Growing up they always made it known that they didn't like me and that...

I was always hurt by it but after a while I just stopped caring. They were NEVER nice to me and as they got older they kinda stopped visiting my...

Things changed after the birth of a younger sibling, stirring unresolved emotions.

Once my mom gave birth to my little brother (1M) they started visiting more and their relationship with my mom and step dad improved.

Seeing them interact and play with my brother always made me upset because they are always gentle and caring when it comes to him but was always so hateful towards...

It's not that I want my brother to be mistreated it's just I wish they were like that with me as well. I have nothing but hate for them and...

A planned vacation forced the poster to confront his limits.

The thing is my mom wants to go on a family vacation in July. July is when she has her birthday and she wants to spend it with her family.

ADVERTISEMENT

I didn't realize this meant her older kids would come as well this time.  We went on two vacations before my brother was born and her older kids never came.

This would be the first trip we would have with my brother and since SHE'S close with her kids now she thinks it's good for them to come. I don't...

My mom's husband backed me up at first because they weren't nice to him either but when my mom became upset he kinda changed his mom and started backing her...

ADVERTISEMENT

My mom told me that she wants all of her kids to come along but I told her that I wasn't going on a trip with people who literally made...

She told me that she can ask them to "apologize" for how they treated me but in my eyes no apology would ever be good enough especially if it's forced.

My mom knows how they treated me growing up and knowing that she still wants me to go with makes me upset. Mom has been crying and my stepdad has...

ADVERTISEMENT

He told me that he doesn't want them to come either but he's doing it so my mom can be happy. I want my mom to be happy to be...

I did not make this account to ask if I'm an a__hole for not forgiving them or even hating them. My opinion is NOT gonna change don't bother with that.....

The core issue is not the vacation itself, but years of unaddressed mistreatment. The poster experienced consistent rejection from his older siblings, and those experiences shaped his emotional boundaries. Being asked to suddenly participate in a “happy family” moment ignores that history and minimizes his pain.

ADVERTISEMENT

From the mother’s perspective, she may genuinely want unity and healing. However, attempting to force reconciliation through a vacation places emotional responsibility on the child who was hurt, not on those who caused the harm. Apologies offered under pressure rarely lead to genuine repair.

On a broader level, this story highlights how parents play a crucial role in mediating sibling relationships. When harmful behavior goes unchecked, resentment can last into adulthood. The poster’s refusal is less about punishment and more about self-protection, a response many readers find understandable.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Many users strongly supported the poster, criticizing the mother’s handling of past mistreatment.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − *She told me that she can ask them to "apologize" for how they treated me* NOW, she wants to ask them to apologize? ? NTA Why didn’t...

ProfPlumDidIt − NTA. Your mom allowed them to mistreat you for years, and not having all her children together for events is the price she's paying for that.

I'd flat out tell her that going on a trip with people who made your entire life miserable and the woman who allowed and enabled that mistreatment is something you...

ADVERTISEMENT

That if she wanted a united, happy family she should have fostered that unity a long time ago, and it's too little too late now. She needs to hear that...

Ava_Lenore − Nta. Your mom is, for asking you and guilting you into spending time with people who bullied you. Your older brothers are, for being cruel. I'm sorry for...

Swardyn − Your mom is prioritizing her happiness over your well-being.

ADVERTISEMENT

grayblue_grrl − NTA. ... You aren't welcome. You've been invited, but you aren't welcome. Protect your peace.

Some commenters offered balanced takes, acknowledging all sides while respecting the decision.

Different-Steak2709 − Are they blaming you for the break up of their parents? I wouldn’t go either, life is too short to spend it with ppl that treated you like...

ADVERTISEMENT

Upset_Razzmatazz_224 − NTA. Your feelings are valid, and it’s understandable you don’t want to go on vacation with them. Try explaining to your mom that you want her to enjoy...

shammy_dammy − NTA. Is there somewhere you can stay during this vacation?

Others used light humor or blunt honesty to ease the tension.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − It's very simple "Mom I do bot like your children. They have never been kind to me to say the least. It's also extremely hurtful to me...

An apology isn't going to change any of my feelings because I know they will do it just to come on the trip. I am most of all hurt by...

Remember I am turning 18 and can just as easily cut contact woth you like they did." That is what I would do. Unless they are paying for college. The....

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − NTA at all. If your mom wanted all her kids together, she should’ve told them to cut the crap and put them in therapy, but she chose...

So she can’t force you to be around them. Your stepdad needs to stick to his original point of not coming along either. Your mother brought this on herself she...

This situation highlights how unresolved family issues can resurface during moments meant for togetherness. While the mother’s desire for unity is clear, the poster’s refusal to participate reflects years of emotional hurt that were never addressed. The conflict is less about a vacation and more about accountability, timing, and emotional safety.

ADVERTISEMENT

Should family harmony ever come at the cost of one person’s well-being? Is it fair to expect forgiveness when genuine effort was never made earlier? Readers are invited to share their thoughts on whether declining the trip was justified and how families can realistically approach reconciliation after years of damage.

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

One Comment

  1. I am not sure why you posted, because you know what you are going to do. Just celebrate a week before Mom goes on trip and stay home. She has a dream of her ‘happy Family” which is not the reality. i am sorry that it was hard for you.