AITA for making him pay for my surgery out of his savings?

A painful medical issue has left one woman questioning both her relationship and her sense of fairness. What began as an uncomfortable moment during a shared shower escalated into long-term health complications, emotional distress, and a major financial dispute. What makes the story more complicated is that the incident wasn’t accidental.

The woman believes her partner’s untreated behavior directly caused her condition, leading to repeated infections and the need for expensive surgery. As tensions grew, so did the stakes, especially when savings meant for future plans became part of the argument. When the story was shared on a social network, readers reacted strongly, focusing less on the money and more on consent, responsibility, and whether this relationship can safely continue.

‘AITA for making him pay for my surgery out of his savings?’

The relationship already had serious challenges before a shocking incident occurred.

This is an incredibly embarrassing story to even share with anyone so please be kind. Back when I got together with my fiance, he was a massive clean freak.

He had severe untreated OCD and absolutely everything that he came in contact with had to be cleaned in a way he saw fit.

Things escalated when a personal boundary was crossed without warning.

This also came down to body hair.. so basically we were taking a shower together one day and I was leaned down and shaving my legs when I felt him...

shave my upper crack area. I wasn't even hairy. I had peach fuzz but apparently it grossed him out and he felt the need to shave me without warning or...

I was pissed because I don't shave there for obvious reasons (I didn't want thicker f__king hair growing) but also from a medical standpoint.

That area is where cysts form due to ingrown hairs. He had that issue and needed surgery so you would think he would have been smarter. It caused a massive...

What made the situation more complicated was the long-term medical fallout.

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Anyways, I ended up getting a severally infected cyst on my tailbone maybe 2 months later. I went and had it drained and packed. I then got another one last...

I am in so much pain and I know for a fact it's because he insisted on shaving me in that area and me now having ingrown hairs there because...

I am in an extreme amount of pain and can hardly walk. I'm snappy because i haven't been sleeping either because I move in my sleep and due to this...

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I told him he is paying for the entire cyst removal since he is the reason I even have this problem. The surgery is $6500, give or take and I...

He got pissed because he is saving for a boat, among other stuff and I told him I don't care. He caused the problem without my permission and now he...

He won't talk to me at all but did write out the check. He called me a mooch at one point under his breath, though he denies it. AITA?

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This situation goes beyond a disagreement over money and highlights serious issues of consent and accountability. Modifying someone’s body without permission, regardless of intent, crosses a fundamental boundary. The resulting health complications amplify the severity of the action, especially when medical intervention becomes necessary.

From a responsibility standpoint, asking the partner to pay for surgery is tied directly to cause and effect. The woman associates her condition with a specific act that she did not agree to, and the financial request reflects a demand for accountability rather than punishment. Resistance to paying, particularly when savings are involved, shifts the conflict toward values and priorities within the relationship.

On a broader level, this case reflects how unmanaged personal issues can spill into harmful behavior toward others. When health, safety, and autonomy are compromised, financial restitution alone may not address the deeper relationship risks that remain unresolved.

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Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Many users supported the poster, emphasizing consent and responsibility.

rmric0 − NTA. But this is really one of those. Why the hell are you sticking around questions - dude needs serious help and us hurting you, of course he...

Mouse-Rude − NTA, but only if you leave him immediately. Reread your own words. You can’t honestly think it’s safe or healthy to stay with someone who’s OCD is so...

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If you stay then E S H. That was such a disgusting violation of your body and you deserve better. I feel like you may be able to sue him...

AsuraRathalos − NTA, he modified your body without your permission, now you have infections and also in massive pain. Also this is break up worthy,

1. NEVER SHARE RAZORS, any man and definitely some with a cleaning issue should know this.

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2. He's showing you he doesn't care about how he violated you, or the like.

3. He's unwilling to fix the problem he started because to him the boat is more important.

ceeceetop − NTA. Is a boat more important than you? Reconsider your relationship. What is the next thing he will feel the need to do without your permission?

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I sympathize with those who suffer from OCD but one has to draw a line when someone else's problems become yours. Especially when there is a chance it will affect...

Edit: also HE CAUSED THE PROBLEM. Even if it was a compulsion that made him act he needs to own up to his actions and take responsibility.

Light_Seeker90 − NTA. He did something without your permission that caused you harm. Plus, I don't know your financial situation or why you can't afford it,

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but if you guys are going to get married, wouldn't the \[saved\] money be for both of you for times when you need something? Regardless, it's really sad if he...

Others offered cautionary or critical perspectives.

[Reddit User] − Well this is a red flag. I understand liking what you like but this goes beyond that. NTA

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Former-Ad-6422 − NTA wow. sue him for a__ault

Ornery-Octopus − Something is very off about this story. I do not believe for one second that the guy with uncontrolled OCD would take his razor that he shaves his...

A few comments added blunt or lighter reactions.

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Suspicious-Match8515 − NTA get the money and run.

Alittlebitmorbid − NTA. But hair does not grow back thicker, that is a myth that still keeps going. It looks a bit thicker when it grows back first because the...

So without the tip you have the stem. It grows out and is completely normal. But yes, shaving can be reason for more ingrown hairs if done badly.

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This story highlights how personal boundaries, health consequences, and financial responsibility can collide in a relationship. While the surgery payment addresses the immediate issue, many readers believe it doesn’t resolve the deeper concerns surrounding trust and safety.

Should financial compensation be enough when harm is caused without consent? How should couples handle unmanaged personal issues that begin affecting a partner’s health? Readers are encouraged to share their perspectives and experiences navigating responsibility and boundaries in relationships.

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