AITA for refusing to attend therapy with my adopted sister?

A 21-year-old woman is grappling with a painful family past: her adopted older sister, neglected and traumatized by their parents’ favoritism toward their biological “miracle” twins, lashed out cruelly during childhood. The worst moment was when the sister allegedly killed her cat and smirked about it.

Four years after moving out, the sister has been in therapy, reflected deeply, and reached out with sincere apologies. She’s asked the woman to join a session to talk things through — her brother already did. But the woman refuses. She’s moved on and doesn’t want to reopen old wounds. Is she wrong for saying no?

‘AITA for refusing to attend therapy with my adopted sister?’

The family dynamic was deeply unbalanced from the start:

The twins were treated as “miracle babies,” while Maggie was pushed aside:

Maggie’s pain turned into cruelty toward the twins:

The breaking point was the death of her cat:

This is a deeply painful family trauma rooted in neglect, favoritism, and unaddressed abuse. Maggie’s childhood suffering was real and severe — but so was the emotional (and possibly physical) harm she inflicted on her siblings. The woman’s refusal to join therapy isn’t selfish; it’s a valid boundary after years of fear and hurt.

Therapy for reconciliation only works when both parties feel safe and ready. Forcing someone to revisit trauma — especially when they’ve already healed on their own — can cause re-traumatization. Experts emphasize that forgiveness and closure are personal journeys; no one owes another person access to their healing process.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, notes: “Trauma survivors are not obligated to participate in anyone else’s redemption arc. Setting boundaries after abuse — even when the abuser was also a victim — is not punishment; it’s self-protection.”

Practical advice: She should communicate clearly and kindly: “I’m glad you’re healing and I wish you the best, but I’ve moved on and prefer not to reopen these wounds.” If she ever changes her mind, she can revisit it on her own terms. In the meantime, continuing therapy for herself (if needed) and maintaining distance is healthy. Her brother’s choice to participate doesn’t obligate her — everyone heals differently.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The internet overwhelmingly supported the woman — most agreed she’s not obligated to help her sister heal at the cost of her own peace.

Almost everyone said she’s not the asshole — her boundaries are valid:

Many emphasized that Maggie’s trauma doesn’t excuse her actions:

This woman has every right to protect her peace after years of fear and trauma. Maggie’s apology and therapy journey are positive steps — but reconciliation can’t be forced. The real tragedy here is the parents’ neglect and favoritism that created this pain for everyone.

What do you think — should she eventually consider therapy for closure, or is her decision to move on completely valid? Would you feel differently in her shoes? Share your thoughts below!