AITA for not letting my ex see our son?

A single mom (now married) is standing firm against letting her ex back into their 9-year-old son’s life. The ex walked out during her pregnancy, reappeared when the boy was almost 4 promising to be a dad, bonded with him for 6 months under supervised visits, then vanished again via text—leaving the child with deep abandonment fears that required therapy.

Now, years later, the ex is back in town, running the family business, and claims he’s “grown up” after having a daughter with his wife (whom he also briefly abandoned). He wants to try being a dad to his son again. The mom and her husband say no—he has no legal rights, and history shows he won’t stick around. But all three sets of grandparents (including her husband’s parents) are pressuring them, calling it cruel to keep father and son apart.

‘AITA for not letting my ex see our son?’

The mom recalls how it all started:

But after 6 months:

Now at 9, the ex messages again:

Grandparents are pushing back:

This situation is about protecting a child’s emotional well-being above everything else. The ex has a proven pattern of abandonment—not once, but twice—and the first disappearance caused significant trauma requiring therapy. Introducing him again risks reopening those wounds, especially since the child now has a stable family with an adoptive father and a little sister.

Child psychologist Dr. Laura Markham stresses that “repeated abandonment by a parent can create deep-seated trust issues and attachment problems that last into adulthood. Parents have a responsibility to shield children from unreliable figures until the child is mature enough to process and decide for themselves.” (Source: Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids).

The grandparents’ pressure is understandable—they want family unity—but they’re prioritizing the ex’s redemption over the child’s stability. At 9, the son is old enough to have some input, but not to fully grasp the long-term risks. Practical advice: Consult the child’s therapist first about how (or if) to discuss this with him.

Document all communications with the ex for legal protection. Consider a cease-and-desist letter if he keeps pushing through grandparents. When the son is older (mid-teens), revisit if he expresses curiosity—but right now, stability comes first. Therapy for the whole family could help navigate the grandparents’ involvement without cutting them off entirely.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit community overwhelmingly supports the mom with NTA, calling the ex unreliable and the decision to protect the child completely justified.

Most emphasized the ex’s repeated abandonment and the trauma he caused:

A few suggested involving the son gently or consulting professionals, but still backed the mom:

This story is heartbreaking proof that some people don’t get endless chances when a child’s heart is on the line. The ex’s pattern of abandonment has already caused real damage, and reopening that door could do more harm than good—especially when the child finally has stability. The grandparents mean well, but they’re not the ones who’ll help pick up the pieces if things fall apart again.

What do you think? Is the mom right to protect her son at all costs, or should she eventually give the ex another shot? Have you dealt with unreliable bio parents or family pressure in similar situations? Drop your thoughts in the comments!