AITA for taking my daughters food from her?

A 33-year-old mother of multiple children is at her breaking point with her 12-year-old daughter, Clara, who has been severely defiant for years — running away, lying, failing school, talking to older men online, and making false abuse claims. Recently, Clara has taken to viciously insulting every meal her mom cooks — while eating massive portions.

After repeated warnings, the mom finally snapped, took Clara’s plate, dumped it, and told her to make a PB&J instead, adding that she could go live with her dad if she hates the food so much. Clara is now screaming and threatening to run away again; the mom’s own mother says she needs to “ask what’s wrong” and talk to her. Both Clara and the grandmother are calling it abuse. Is the mom the asshole for her reaction?

‘AITA for taking my daughters food from her?’

The daughter has been out of control for years:

The food insults escalated:

The incident:

The aftermath:

This is far beyond typical teenage rebellion — the daughter’s behavior (running away, false abuse claims, online danger-seeking, extreme defiance, school failure) suggests serious underlying issues, possibly trauma, oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), conduct disorder, or even undiagnosed neurodivergence. Threatening to send her to her father may feel like a last resort, but it risks escalating her feelings of abandonment or rejection.

Taking food away as punishment can feel like rejection of love (food = care in many families) and may worsen power struggles. However, the mom’s frustration is understandable after years of disrespect and chaos affecting the whole family.

According to child psychologist Dr. Laura Markham, “Extreme defiance often masks deep pain or fear. Punishment (like taking food) can escalate conflict. Focus on connection, safety, and professional help. A psychiatric evaluation is urgent for behaviors like false allegations and online risk.” (Source: her work on defiant children and attachment.)

The mom should seek immediate psychiatric evaluation (inpatient if needed) and family therapy. The daughter’s safety and mental health must come first, even if it means tough love or temporary separation. The grandmother’s advice to “talk” ignores the severity — professional intervention is critical.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit community overwhelmingly supported the OP (NTA), praising her for finally setting a firm boundary after years of being disrespected and taken for granted. Most people called the sister selfish, entitled, and opportunistic, and said OP has every right to refuse help — especially financial help — for someone who showed zero regard for her own wedding.

Most called the sister entitled and selfish, and praised OP for setting healthy boundaries:

Several emphasized that the sister’s behavior was disrespectful and that OP is simply matching her energy:

Many suggested practical ways to respond and protect her peace:

This story is a classic example of one-sided expectations in family relationships. The sister showed zero regard for OP’s wedding day — no apology, no effort — but now demands time, money, and support for her own. OP is not obligated to be the “bigger person” or reward poor behavior with generosity. Saying no is healthy boundary-setting, not pettiness.

Parents pressuring OP are enabling the sister’s entitlement. What do you think? Was she too harsh in refusing to help, or is she right to stand her ground? Have you ever dealt with a sibling who only shows up when they need something? Share your thoughts below!