AITA for taking my kids nanny on vacation and not my ex-wife?

A father of seven children (four from his previous marriage, three from his current) always plans family vacations around his custody schedule so all the kids can join. He also brings the children’s nanny along — as agreed when she was hired — because the trips involve a lot of childcare. His ex-wife recently became furious after their youngest daughter came home raving about the nanny and accused him of “abandoning” the kids to her.

When he announced a summer cruise with all the kids, his current wife, and the nanny, the ex exploded, saying he should have invited her instead because she’s the “real mother” and the kids already like the nanny more. Now his parents and some family agree it’s “ridiculous.” Is he the asshole for not inviting his ex-wife?

‘AITA for taking my kids nanny on vacation and not my ex-wife?’

The man has seven children and includes the nanny on vacations:

The ex-wife became upset after the youngest talked about the nanny:

The cruise announcement caused a blowup:

Vacation planning during custody schedules should prioritize the children’s best interests and the parents’ agreements. The nanny’s inclusion is reasonable for managing seven children (including a large age range) and was agreed upon when hired. The ex-wife’s demand to be invited instead is inappropriate — she has no legal or moral right to insert herself into OP’s family vacations, especially with his current wife present.

Her accusation of “abandonment” is baseless and manipulative; the children are with their father, stepmother, and paid caregiver. The ex’s jealousy about the children liking the nanny more is a personal issue she should address in therapy, not by guilting OP.

According to family law expert Dr. Robert Emery, “Co-parents must respect each other’s parenting time and choices. Demanding inclusion in the other parent’s family activities is overstepping and can border on harassment or alienation.” (Source: his work on co-parenting boundaries and high-conflict divorce.)

OP is not obligated to invite his ex-wife. He should document her communications and consult a family lawyer if she escalates. Continuing to prioritize the children’s enjoyment and safety is the right approach.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The Reddit community overwhelmingly supported the OP (NTA), calling the ex-wife entitled and jealous, and criticizing her for trying to insert herself into his family vacations.

Most said the ex-wife is jealous and has no right to demand inclusion:

This story highlights how jealousy and entitlement can complicate co-parenting. The ex-wife has no right to demand inclusion in OP’s family vacations — especially with his current wife present. The nanny’s role is professional childcare, not a replacement for the mother. The children’s enjoyment of the nanny reflects her competence, not the ex-wife’s failure (though her reaction suggests deeper insecurity).

OP is right to prioritize his children’s happiness and his own family’s peace. What do you think? Was he wrong to bring the nanny instead of the ex-wife, or is the ex being unreasonable? Have you dealt with co-parenting jealousy over vacations or caregivers? Share your thoughts below!