AITA for defending my husband after my ex-husband abandoned our children?

A mother of two young children (a 9-year-old son with severe autism and a 6-year-old daughter) was away at a funeral when her ex-husband and his girlfriend picked up the kids for their weekly 6-hour visitation. Her current husband (Luke) was playing golf but got stuck on the motorway with a broken-down car in a dead zone, unable to contact anyone. Instead of waiting with the children, the ex and his girlfriend left them alone in the locked house and called the police, accusing her and Luke of child abandonment.

The police told them they were the ones who abandoned the kids. Now the ex is threatening to have the children taken into care and blaming her husband. She publicly shared the truth on Facebook with evidence, but is now being called a drama queen and told she’s putting her husband above her kids. Is she the asshole for fighting back and seeking full custody?

‘AITA for defending my husband after my ex-husband abandoned our children?’

The couple has two children, and the ex has limited visitation:

The incident happened during visitation:

The ex’s response and threats:

Her response:

Child abandonment occurs when a parent or caregiver leaves a child without adequate supervision or care. The ex and his girlfriend had legal responsibility during their visitation time. Leaving two young children (one with severe autism) alone in a locked house — knowing no adult would return for an unknown period — is abandonment and endangerment. The police correctly identified them as the responsible parties.

Threatening to have children removed from a safe home as retaliation is coercive and potentially abusive. Courts prioritize the child’s best interests, and evidence (messages, police reports) could support modifying custody. Publicly sharing the story with evidence may be seen as “airing dirty laundry,” but it’s understandable given the threats and false accusations.

According to family law attorney and child welfare expert Leslie Ellen Shear, “When a parent endangers a child during visitation and then weaponizes the system to retaliate, courts take it seriously. Documentation is crucial. Public posts can backfire if they appear vindictive, but truthful accounts with evidence often help clarify facts.” (Source: her writings on custody disputes and parental alienation.)

OP should consult a family law attorney immediately, gather all evidence (texts, police reports), and consider a motion to modify custody. Her husband’s accidental absence is not abandonment — the ex’s deliberate choice to leave was.

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit community overwhelmingly supported the OP (NTA), calling the ex and his girlfriend irresponsible and malicious for abandoning the children and then blaming OP and Luke.

Most condemned the ex and girlfriend for abandoning the children and weaponizing the system:

Many expressed disbelief at the ex’s behavior and supported seeking full custody:

This story is infuriating — the ex and his girlfriend abandoned two young children (one with severe autism) alone in a locked house, then had the audacity to call the police on OP and Luke for “abandonment.” The police saw through it immediately. The ex’s threats to have the children taken into care and his parents’ custody threats are manipulative and dangerous. OP is absolutely right to seek full custody and document everything. Publicly sharing the truth with evidence was understandable given the false accusations.

What do you think? Was she right to fight back publicly and seek full custody, or should she have handled it privately? Have you dealt with an ex who weaponizes the children? Share your thoughts below!