AITAH for terminating my unplanned pregnancy with my bf of 9 months?

Ending a pregnancy is one of the most difficult decisions anyone can face, but one 24-year-old woman chose to terminate her unplanned pregnancy after 9 months with her boyfriend (27). He had been unemployed for most of their relationship, admitted to using fake urine to pass a drug test for a job, and became verbally abusive when she expressed she wasn’t ready for a baby.

He insisted he would raise the child alone until he found a woman to “step up,” threatened DNA tests, and wished he’d never met her. Now his mother is sending guilt-tripping messages and videos, saying she’ll regret it and that he had every right to break up with her. She’s left wondering if she’s the asshole for choosing her future and career over the pregnancy—and for feeling hurt that he didn’t stay to build a life together first.

‘AITAH for terminating my unplanned pregnancy with my bf of 9 months?’

The woman described the relationship and her boyfriend’s instability:

She explained her reasons for choosing termination:

His mother’s messages:

What the experts say:

Family psychologists note that it is common for parents to struggle with accepting their adult children’s sexual maturity and independence, especially when the parent-child bond remains emotionally intense. However, once a child reaches adulthood—particularly in a long-term relationship—invading their privacy by entering a room without knocking, especially at night, constitutes a serious boundary violation. This behavior not only lacks respect but may also stem from a desire to control or “catch” them in the act rather than genuine concern.

The girlfriend’s extreme reaction—hysterics, refusing meals, name-calling—suggests unresolved difficulties in letting go and accepting her son’s autonomy. Therapists often describe this as “unhealthy attachment” or “enmeshment,” where a parent views their adult child as an extension of themselves rather than an independent individual. While it is positive that she is in therapy and aware of this issue, her reaction indicates that the problem may still be active, possibly exacerbated if she is not currently taking mood-regulating medication.

The man’s calm response—pointing out that Ryan is an adult and the scene was a loving moment between two consenting adults—was reasonable and balanced. Experts advise establishing clear boundaries: acknowledge her emotions while firmly protecting the privacy and autonomy of the young couple. If the behavior persists, couples or family therapy could help address the root causes.

Ultimately, experts stress that in a romantic relationship, respecting each other’s boundaries is essential. If the girlfriend continues to attempt to control her adult son and refuses to accept his independence, it could have long-term negative effects on her relationship with both her son, his future wife, and her current partner. This is an opportunity for her to continue her therapeutic journey and learn healthy ways to let go.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The community overwhelmingly supported the man, calling the girlfriend’s behavior controlling, creepy, and unacceptable. Opinions were grouped into clear threads.

Many called her reaction extreme and disrespectful of adult privacy:

A large group described her behavior as creepy, obsessive, or “mommy dearest”-like:

Several pointed out she deliberately walked in to “catch” them:

Many urged defending the young couple and holding firm:

Some expressed concern about the relationship and her mental health:

This story reveals deep issues around parental boundaries and letting go of adult children. Most agree the man was right to call out the overreaction.

What do you think—would you have handled the situation differently, or supported Ryan and Emily too? Share your thoughts below!