Can’t be in the delivery room? Fine I’ll call the mental health team on you

What would you do if the one person you expected to offer unconditional support during the most vulnerable and life-threatening moment of your pregnancy instead turned it into a terrifying power struggle?

Many expectant mothers set clear boundaries around birth to protect their health and peace, but some family members refuse to respect them. This mother’s story shows how far one person went after being denied access to the maternity ward — calling for a mental health welfare check and accusing her of being a danger to her own baby. It highlights the extreme stress of high-risk pregnancy and the courage it takes to enforce limits.

‘Can’t be in the delivery room? Fine I’ll call the mental health team on you’

The story begins with a high-risk pregnancy that quickly became overwhelming for the expectant mother.

I thought you'd all appreciate this story about my JNM and the birth of my first baby! So back in 2014 I was coming to the end of my pregnancy

and throughout the whole process I'd made it very clear that the only person I wanted at the hospital with me was my sister as my birthing partner.

I thought my JNM was on board with this although she would always try to make comments about "oh we'll be there just incase you need anything" NO mother!

I hit 34 weeks and I'm hospitalised with pre-eclampsia and bed bound trying to push this pregnancy to 36 weeks which is technically full term.

Over this period I'd told the midwives that under no circumstances was anyone except my sister allowed to visit me on the ward

and one of the HCAs told that my mother had been turned away multiple times within the first few day which absolutely ruined my goal of keeping my blood pressure...

After a few more days I hadn't heard from anyone that she'd been trying to get in (I turned my phone off this whole time to try and de-stress),

my sister told me a few weeks post birth that she'd told the staff not to tell me if my mother tried to visit because it was causing panic attacks...

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The situation escalated dramatically as induction became necessary and family interference reached a dangerous level.

A few days before 35 weeks they told me that if they didn't induce me my life was at risk because my blood pressure was no longer responding to medication...

and I discharged myself from the ward because I needed to move all my belongings from my sheltered housing flat to the mother and baby unit (I was classed as...

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The move was booked to happen on that day because that was a month before my due date and I was bordering on delirious and my anxiety was telling me...

So I got back to the place where I was living and the staff moved my stuff for me (they aren't technically allowed but I looked like death in the...

Somehow during this time my parents found out I was being induced (I told my brother and he's as flying monkey as they come!).

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When I got back to the ward I turned my phone on to let a few friends know that baby was imminent and I was buried in missed calls and...

(no mention of the dying mother of said grandchild) and at that point I was scared of dying and angry so I called her and yelled at her saying she...

After that I was induced and was in labour until the late evening, and spent the next few days very ill with infections etc.

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When I was in recovery I was visited by a psych liaison because they'd had a call to the ward requesting a welfare check because I'd apparently threatened to harm...

The central conflict revolves around a mother’s refusal to allow her own mother access during a life-threatening pregnancy complication — pre-eclampsia — which triggered an extreme reaction: a false welfare check claim accusing the daughter of posing a danger to herself and her baby. The escalation damaged an already fragile situation where the new mother was fighting for her health, stability, and autonomy amid homelessness and family breakdown.

The daughter acted out of necessity to protect her physical and mental well-being during a high-risk medical event, while the grandmother appears driven by entitlement, loss of control, and perhaps fear of exclusion from the grandchild’s life. This mismatch in expectations created a toxic cycle where boundaries were met with manipulation rather than understanding, turning a vulnerable time into additional trauma.

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Relationship expert Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist specializing in narcissism, has noted that “people who weaponize systems like mental health services often do so to regain power when direct control is lost.” This dynamic is evident here — the welfare check served as retaliation rather than genuine concern, further eroding trust and safety.

Moving forward, maintaining no contact or very low contact remains a valid protective choice when manipulation involves authorities or health systems. Document every incident calmly, inform key support people (like sister or midwives), and consider legal advice if false reports continue. Small, consistent steps like blocking numbers and having a trusted advocate present during future interactions can help rebuild a sense of security. Healing from this kind of betrayal takes time, but prioritizing the child’s and mother’s safety is always the right foundation.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The social media community responded with overwhelming support for the original poster, sharing similar stories of family members misusing welfare checks and praising her for going no contact.

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Many readers expressed deep sympathy for the stress of pre-eclampsia combined with family drama and celebrated the mother’s strength:

pigeon-mom − I hope that your situation has improved from then, and that you and baby are in stable housing and in a foibf financial situation.

I say this bc I hope you never have to see hide or hair of your “parents” again. Also, your brother is an open sore on the human populace. Lastly,...

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Artemis667 − I’m so sorry. I had PE with my first and that in itself was stressful and terrifying enough without the added hell of a toxic JNM and uncertain...

wisegal99 − I had preclampsia with HELLP syndrome twice and can confirm that you feel like death. I can't believe they let you out to move! I also can confirm...

I also had orders that no one except my husband and a friend were allowed. I had anxiety attacks about my MIL or my mom showing up. Glad you went...

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A large group condemned the misuse of mental health welfare checks as a form of control and shared their own terrifying experiences:

GoFem − My jnmom did this once, too. I wasn't in labor (thank god) but she sent me some sob story via text about how I was her baaaaaby and...

and I needed to drop my life and fly across the country to see her "because what if I die and you never came to see me? Wouldn't you hate...

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Anyway, I responded not so nicely and reminded her of why we don't have a relationship anymore (because she is an abusive narcissist)

and she blew up my phone until the middle of the night and I ended up blocking her phone number after about a dozen indecipherable voicemails.

I woke up the next morning to cops at my door saying my mother called for a welfare check and she was afraid I'd killed myself because she couldn't get...

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I tried to explain the situation, but they were worried because apparently a mother's word is all they need to determine my sanity and I got carted off to the...

Ended up staying there for less than a full day, because actual doctors know when someone is mentally stable, but I have a major fear of medical procedures

and needles and they had to draw my blood 3 times for some reason (I think she tried to tell them I was on drugs? ). That was the scariest...

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mermaidmom86 − My mil did the same thing. I wouldn't let her in during birth & after I was visited by the mental health doctors. I was so done! I'm...

Others highlighted the absurdity of the grandmother’s actions and offered harsh but supportive reactions:

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danigurl121 − Don’t you just love when people abuse the system like that? !

LeeeeeHT − She has to take care of her grandchild. ..because there isn’t a hospital full of medical staff and the babies own Mother for that.

OttoVonM − There is absolutely no low to which your JNM will not stoop for control. Wow. Glad you are NC.

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PlinkettPal − Wow, the mentality of a justno is fascinating! "Hmm, it can't be that I did something wrong, they just have to be crazy! " I hope you are...

DollyLlamasHuman − Pre-eclampsia is an a__hole. I had HELLP (considered a variant of it) and kiddo was born 11 weeks early because of it.

There's [a Facebook group for survivors] if you're interested. Also? I hope your mother steps on thumbtack-embedded Legos while barefoot and develops gangrene.

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A smaller number shared related stories of family pressure during birth or fears of similar retaliation:

littlemybb − I had my baby in May. My mom had a little melt down because she found out only 3 people were allowed in the delivery room, and she...

She even tried to convince my SO to switch with her during the time I’m in labor so that she could be with me. I told her HELL NO.

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[Reddit User] − Please tell me she's not apart of your life anymore. . .

angelbaby517 − Not tryna hijack but I feel the father of my child is going to do this since he can't manipulate me anymore. Good for you mama!

One reader described a complex, traumatic medical birth experience involving misdiagnosis, family visits, and a false child neglect report:

sneakytoes − I had pre-eclampsia and HELLP, possibly because my OB put me on bed rest and a low-sodium diet, and my husband had a breakdown and abandoned me for...

I had a lot of Braxton-Hicks, and a nagging little sharp pain that my OB said was "referred pain" from something else. It was actually a kidney stone that was...

The OB thought I was stupid or something because at 30 years old my risk of a Down's baby was the same as that of a miscarriage due to amniocentesis,...

When I tried to explain to her about apples and oranges she thought I was being dense and she treated me as such. I guess the two masters degrees didn't...

I was catheterized before my emergency surgery, 5 weeks early, and it was extremely painful due to the undetected kidney stone. Nobody cared. I needed extra anesthesia because of that...

I was groggy for five days and based on the dreams I had I think I might have been in a coma. During that time my son, perfectly healthy, was...

After a few days I was confronted in my bed, barely conscious, by a social worker who had been to my house because of a report of child n__lect. She...

I was compelled by my a__hole of a husband to go to the NICU ("you should make a nice gesture") where I proceeded to vomit in front of all the...

There were no consequences, but I spent the next month or so, instead of enjoying my newborn, paranoid that cars that I thought were pulling into my driveway were CPS...

Not to mention the major abdominal surgery that could have been avoided with proper care. I had another baby a couple of years later and was forced to go to...

We spoke to the administration ahead of time and they absolved all responsibility and would make no promises about my future care. They ended up snatching my newborn away for...

and delayed our progress for weeks. Boynton Beach. Greek doctor. It was 22 years ago, but I'm sure none of them have changed.

This story underscores how crucial it is to protect your health and peace during pregnancy and birth — even when it means making hard family decisions. False accusations and system abuse can cause lasting trauma, but clear boundaries and support from trusted people (like a protective sister) make recovery possible. Going no contact often becomes the safest way to prevent further harm.

Have you ever had to set strict limits with family during a medical or birth situation? How did you handle the fallout, and do you think the response from the mother was justified?

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