AITA for blowing up on my parents after they cancelled my music lessons?

Growing up as the youngest child in a family with two severely disabled siblings meant this teenager learned early how to stay quiet and patient. Her parents’ lives revolved around her brothers’ needs, schedules, and limitations, often leaving little room for her own milestones or interests. Over time, being forgotten became something she learned to tolerate.

Music was the one thing that belonged to her alone. Piano and violin lessons weren’t just hobbies, they were her escape and the foundation of dreams she hoped to build a future on. When her parents abruptly cancelled those lessons so she could help care for her brothers, everything she had been holding inside finally came spilling out, sparking a heated confrontation that left her questioning herself.

AITA for blowing up on my parents after they cancelled my music lessons?

The poster began by explaining her family situation and long-standing feelings of being overlooked.

I (15F) live together with my parents and my two older brothers (23 and 25). Both my brothers are disabled and have the mental age of around 4 or 5....

Sometimes a bit too much I think, because they have forgotten my birthday multiple times and holidays are always planned for my brothers, leaving me with nothing to do.

She shared how family activities were always centered on her brothers, leaving her isolated.

For example going to this specialised farm-like camp for people with disabilities where everything is supervised so parents and children can both relax.

But there's nothing for me to do there so I am always bored whenever we go to such a place. But I can usually deal with it, because my parents...

Music wasn’t casual for her, it was her passion and future goal.

I have been taking piano lessons since I was 4 and violin lessons since I was 7. I really really enjoy music and playing and want to have a career...

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But last week they told me they were going to cancel my lessons. Because they need me to look after my brothers for a few evenings a week.

I got really upset because those lessons are basically the only thing that I felt was for me, and not for my brothers,

and now I'm going to lose them because my parents need a babysitter. They told me they know it's not ideal, but it's difficult for my brothers and they just...

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The argument erupted when she finally voiced years of resentment.

I blew up on my parents telling them that I need care too and that they never considered me with whatever they plan, only my brothers.

My parents got upset with me and told me I'm being childish and unfair because my brothers can't do anything alone so it's normal to go the extra mile for...

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In her update, she described trying again to be heard and planning for independence.

Edit: I didn't expect this to get so much attention. I expected maybe getting two or three replies. Thank you so much for your replies and advice and encouragement!

It's a bit overwhelming and comforting to know that I'm not alone and not being unreasonable. I actually tried to talk with my parents about this again last night,

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but it kind of turned into a lot of yelling again because I got so frustrated because I felt like they weren't taking me seriously.

I tried to tell them calmly how important music is for me and that I can't take care of my brothers but it felt like they brushed me off so...

They were saying things like family should always be number one and that we all have to do things we don't like, and that we all have to sacrifice things,...

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I think I will take some advice I read here today and try to print out an article about this and leave it on the table. I'm also going to...

And someone mentioned to look into getting a scholarship for college later so I'm going to do that too because now I'm not sure anymore if my parents would pay...

Situations like this are often described through the concept of the “glass child,” a term used for siblings of children with high needs who grow up feeling invisible. While parents may not intend harm, constant prioritization of one child’s needs can quietly erode another child’s emotional wellbeing.

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Family psychologist Dr. Joshua Coleman has noted that siblings in caregiving households often internalize guilt for wanting attention or independence. Over time, this can lead to resentment, burnout, and difficulty advocating for themselves as adults. The teen’s reaction wasn’t about a single cancelled activity, but about years of unmet emotional needs.

From the parents’ perspective, raising two disabled adult children is undeniably exhausting. They may feel overwhelmed and desperate for help. At the same time, shifting caregiving responsibilities onto a minor crosses a serious boundary. A 15-year-old is not equipped, emotionally or physically, to care for two adult men with developmental disabilities.

Healthy alternatives could include professional caregiving support, community programs, or adjusted schedules that preserve the teen’s education and interests. Supporting one child should never require sacrificing another. All children in a household deserve space to grow, dream, and feel seen.

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Many users expressed deep concern for the poster’s safety and emotional health.

Hot_Win_6062 − NTA Your parents are using you. They are neglecting your emotions and your mental health for your brothers. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

INFO: Do you have any other family? Do they know about what is happening at home? Edit for clarification: You are also 15 and your siblings are not your children.

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From reading this, it sounds like your parents are using you as free help, without you having you time and doing stuff you want to do. It sounds like they...

Inallea − NTA Oh hon, as a mother I am so sorry your parents are putting you through this. You are also 15. You do not mention what type of...

but I think leaving a 15 year old to babysit two 20 something men could be quite questionable depending on where you are and the health issues your brothers have.

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I'd also watch out in future. Unfortunately you may be your parents' retirement plan to take over care of your brothers when they get to old to do so. Your...

I could understand that money may be tight at the moment for them but they need to work out either a time frame for you to get back the lessons...

And babysitting your brothers while you are still at an age that you are studying shouldn't be forced on you.

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Beck2010 − At 15 you should not be providing care for two developmentally disabled adults, even if they are your siblings. It is not your fault they require extra care.

t is your parent’s responsibility to provide care, not yours. Clearly your parents need a break and want you to step in so they can have a break. NTA. Please...

You’ve been neglected in a few ways because of your elder siblings. Taking away your piano and violin lessons in order to care for your brothers is just not right.

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Bananasmoothies23 − NTA You are being neglected by your parents and now they are withdrawing your main safe space. I would have exploded too.

You are what is called a "glass child" please look it up. You could even find and print an article on it and then "forget" it in the kitchen (if...

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It is also being recommended that glass children get support for own interests as well as therapy, which would probably shock your parents and is the exact opposite of what...

PurpleSquirrel_9920 − NTA I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this. Just remember in only 3 years you will be an adult and can leave (and you should).

They are sacrificing one child for another. You arent your brothers parents and shouldn’t be expected to put everything on hold for them. Good luck!

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Others warned about long-term consequences if boundaries weren’t set now.

PleaseCoffeeMe − NTA, these are also the parents that will try to guilt you into caring for them when they are older. It’s time to start planning your exit.

They will probably try to guilt you into attending a college close so you can stay at home and continue to help care. Continue to study, do some extracurricular, keep...

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Aggressive-Mind-2085 − NTA Your parents are abusive AHs. Just REFUSE to look after your brothers. Ignore them. It's the only way of action you have left.

And: Don'T discuss this with your parents, but PLAN your escape: Your parents will try to set you up as your brother's lifelong caretaker.

At some point - when you move out - you will need to makse sure your parents don't have a key to your new home, and then you will nedd...

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Survive any way you can until you can escape. ​ ​ Tell your parents you will NOT look after your brothers. Tell them you will call CPS and report them...

Refuse to DO anything until they re-instate your music lessons and give you at least two evenings a week and the weekends for yourself.

redditwinchester − I'm looking at the big age gap and wondering if the parents decided to have a helper child

coastalkid92 − The next time your parents call you childish, remind them that you are indeed a child. While I can empathize with your parents about how difficult it is...

they willingly had a third when they knew how high the needs were. You don't deserve to be forgotten and to become your brothers' minder.

If you have a grandparent or a guidance counsellor, I would tell a trusted adult about what you're feeling. NTA

InfamousDemigod88 − NTA at all. I sympathise with your parents having two disabled children and I can only imagine the stress and such that comes with it.

That being said. You are still a child and human being with basic needs too. You have been neglected through no fault of your own.

Sounds like your parents are ready to shift some of that workload/responsibility onto you too which isn't fair at all. They say it's not ideal, but it's more than not...

For lack of better words, the burden isn't yours to take on. You're a kid. I mean that in no demeaning way either. You have your own stuff to deal...

Have a sit down with them. Air your concerns. Failing that, do you have friends/family you can go to for support? Someone that can sit with you whilst you talk...

Hopefully in the near future you resolve it and get back to your music. Wishing you all the best. Chin up.

Some reactions were blunt and focused on safety.

throatinmess − NTA. I'd be calling child services if you have to look after your brothers. Tell everyone about you being forced to look after your disabled brothers too.

airpillow − NTA honestly I would keep refusing and telling them if they leave you alone with your brothers, you're going to call the (non emergency) police.

You can't just leave a child with 2 severely disabled GROWN, ADULT MEN. Are they physically capable to push you or just wander around?

What are you suppose to do? And if they can't, are you gonna need to take them to the bathroom? You're 15! Just, no

is_it_wicked − NTA They aren't your kids, your parents need to find a way to look after them that isn't you. When does it end? You're 15.

You have a right to a life, not to be drawn into caring for your siblings. Taking away your music to permit this is a separate, also terrible move.

YayaTheobroma − It’s not going “the extra mile”, it’s cancelling your life. Using you for a, I assumed unpaid, sitter is unfair, cancelling your music lessons all the more so....

JewelCatLady − NTA. Not your children, not your problem, not your responsibility. And how are you supposed to control a couple of men with the minds of kindergarteners in adult...

I'll bet they're bigger than you, stronger than you, and could do some real damage. They may not understand what rape is or that it is wrong, but they are...

A 15 year old girl absolutely should not be put in that position for her own safety. Unless I am vastly mistaken, that is the answer you will be getting...

Overwhelmingly so. If you can, show it to them. Mom & dad, do your damn job and let your daughter be a normal teenager.

If you can't handle them, hire help or get them into care. You're not getting any younger, and you need to have a plan in place for them *yesterday*.

And if you are entertaining the notion that your daughter will sacrifice her life and dreams to take care of them, you're even bigger assholes than you appear at first...

This story resonated because it highlights a quiet kind of neglect that often goes unnoticed. While the parents’ challenges are real, expecting a teenager to give up her dreams and safety isn’t a fair solution. The overwhelming response made one thing clear: caring for siblings should never cost a child their childhood or future. If you were in her place, how would you handle it?

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